“I’ve been scratching at the surface trying to find out where the hurt is.”
I always figured that college is a time to work on finding out who you are, but I didn’t realize that that also means finding out who you aren’t. I find myself second guessing myself every day, in the best – and worst – ways possible. My mind is expanding with every class I take, but sometimes, I worry that I’m doing college and young-adulthood the “wrong” way or that I should be doing something that others seem to enjoy even though I have no interest in it. The pandemic and having to change my expectations hasn’t helped.
“Now that I’m dancing with my demons, I’m making everybody nervous”
This leads me to fear that I’m missing out on something, but it’s a strange sort of feeling. I fear I am missing out on things I do not want to do and aspects of a stereotypical college culture that I don’t have any interest in. Everyone has their own path and everyone is unique. Just because I see something in pop culture and on social media that some of my peers seem to enjoy doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me not being interested in it.
“I have to walk the path in front of me ’cause I’m not one for following,”
The truth is, there will always be times when I am anxious. There will always be times when I feel like I don’t belong, and there is nothing wrong with me feeling upset, lost, and lonely in those moments. Just because I feel like I can’t relate to a single conversation doesn’t mean that I need to change so that I can relate, and it definitely doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with me. I have to remember that for every conversation that leaves me feeling left out, I’ve had one that makes me feel at home and feel like myself. Why change who I am to become someone I don’t even want to be?
“And I will not apologize or lie for who I am.”
Listen to The Other (by Tonight Alive) here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HibSsNbCUn4