Evolving Emotions: Goodbye

So quickly it began

With nervous laughter

Sweaty palms

Hearts racing wildly

The unknown ahead


So slowly it passed

Difficult days

Difficult nights

Tears and sweat and pain

Awaiting the day


Of the end

The last day of the start

Of more difficult days

Difficult nights ahead

But some good ones too


Much bitter sweetness lingers

In every goodbye

With a wave

Say goodbye to

All of the lessons learned

People met


And things yet to become


We must cherish all endings

However bitter

Or deliciously sweet

For they are final, of course

And now,

Onto something new


Evolving Emotions: Moderation

*Trigger Warning*

This poem contains eating disorder subject matter.


In the realm of hypocrisy

Everything in moderation

The chant that leads to an obsession

An obsession that cannot be moderated

Counting the calories

Saying no

Saying yes becomes a rarity

And even then

Wishing you hadn’t

That number on the scale

Satisfying but wanting

Wanting perfection

That moderation of flesh

Of fat

Of life

Wanting the shock

The surprise

The congratulatory remarks

They didn’t know the damage done

Seasons pass

A new obsession

One of eating feelings

Crying frustration

Counting calories

Unable to stop the pain

You stuff it down your throat

Only for it to come back up

A mess of “moderation”

Of obsession beyond balance

Beyond sense

Polar sides

Neither just right

Always looking


For the approval

For the stability

Of those words

Everything in moderation”


Evolving Emotions: Spring

Crunch and fragility

Dull brown and lifeless

A flower

Killed by cold

A horrendous annual crime


But upon a newfound strength

By the Earth’s nurturing scape

A blooming begins


Inaction and then

Elation at a new

Motion in the ground

Abolition of the lifelessness of yesterday

Captivation of colors. The

Transformation beneath. A

Foundation of weaving threads. An

Interconnection of the greatest

Creation brought along by the spring




Evolving Emotions: Tarot Reading

The cards that hold

Knowledge I already knew

But couldn’t access


The hands that have seen



And warm gestures


Grazing the cards

Selecting aimlessly


A past


And bottled


A present


And hopeful


A future


But fearsome


Forming a row of formidable cards

They speak and expose


A heartbreak two folds

Too strong

Complications of roads

Too intimidating to choose from


Decisions neglected

Thoughts finely pressed

And set aside for a different morning


Desires to be realized

Dreams to dazzle

And worlds of people to meet


Such an accurate picture

Painted by the person

Sitting before me


Divulging my concerns

Encouraging my pursuits


I heard what I yearned for

Absorbing the words

From across a rickety table


UMMA: Queer Night

Evolving Emotions: Numb

Sights have lost their luster

Songs are no longer melodious in tune

Colors are gray

Lights have darkened

In a haze


My pupils lazy

My mouth lame

My limbs heavy


Unable to express

Unable to cry

Unable to feel


What would it take?


To allow the dreaded



And concerns



Accepting them

Embracing them

Unafraid and willing


Would it make a difference?


In the haze

There is no beginning

No middle

No end

No light at the end of the tunnel


It is an indifference

A distance

An apathy


Disturbing as it may be

Not feeling

May be dangerously appealing

As a small price to pay


Evolving Emotions: Bliss in the Dark

Setting in the west

Purple and blue hues

Over the plains of grass

A peace fills the air

Dotted with stars

My friend sits in the sky

Pronounced against the black

We are alone together.

My neck cranes

To witness his light

Grazing my face

I lay in the grass

Looking out

Darkness surrounds me

Concealing my existence

Only acknowledged by my friend in the sky


A profound comfort washes

Across my skin.

The softness of the breeze

The chill of the night

The peace in this place.

No judgement

No eyes upon my flesh

Probing my mind.

Just me on the Earth

And my friend in the sky


How blissful is anonymity

The release of the pressure to conform

The anxiety of inadequacy

The worries for the future

And the loathing of the past.

My friend steadies me

I shine with him

Our bliss in the dark.