Content Warning:\u00a0Suicide, self-harm, depression, strong language<\/p>\n
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Last Night<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy won\u2019t you just talk to me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI <\/span>am <\/span><\/i>talking to you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNo, Bram, you\u2019re not. You\u2019re pushing me away again,\u201d Elexa said, snatching a cup from the cupboard and slamming it on the countertop.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell, what do you want me to say? That I\u2019m sorry for calling? Because I am.\u201d The two lock eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n After a moment, Elexa slumps her shoulders, the aggression in her arms falling away. \u201cNo, I just-.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLook, I knew this wasn\u2019t going to work.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBram-.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat? It\u2019s what we were both thinking, right? I never should\u2019ve called you. It was stupid of me. I don\u2019t know why I thought that I could-.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBram, I\u2019m glad you called me,\u201d she says, reaching for his arm. He swiftly pulls away. She continues with stress building behind her eyes, \u201cI care about you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Rubbing his face roughly, Bram says, \u201cSee? <\/span>That\u2019s <\/span><\/i>the problem. I don\u2019t need you or anyone else to pick up after my shit,\u201d he declares with an exasperated smile and wide eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n Heat grazes Elexa\u2019s cheeks at the comment. \u201cThat\u2019s really cruel and you know it.\u201d Her stance stiffens as she observes him.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cElexa, don\u2019t cry over this, okay?\u201d he says, practically laughing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBram\u2026 if you hadn\u2019t called me-.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Bram says, his smile fading slightly, \u201cBut maybe it would\u2019ve been for the best.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cFor the best?\u201d Now she was the one with the smile, perked up by the absurdity falling from his mouth. \u201cNot having you on this Earth is for the <\/span>best<\/span><\/i>? Are you hearing yourself right now?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCan you stop making such a big deal over this?\u201d Bram asks, aggressively waving his hands in the air.<\/span><\/p>\n Elexa presses her palms into the edge of the countertop, displacing all of the weight she feels onto the granite. \u201cBram, it is a big deal.\u201d She stares at him as if she could show him what she sees. Her heart sinks, knowing it won\u2019t. \u201cI think you should see someone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cElexa, I don\u2019t fucking need someone, alright?\u201d His firm tone dissipates into a cracking jumble. He looks to the floor, tilting his head as far from her gaze as his neck would permit.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou could\u2019ve <\/span>died <\/span><\/i>last night, and you don\u2019t want to see someone about it?\u201d Lifting her hands to her head, she rests them there, elbows outstretched, awaiting a reply.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Bram opens his mouth, then stops short. \u201cNo,\u201d Bram finally mumbles. \u201cI don\u2019t.\u201d His speech is monotone, utterly void of appropriate emotion.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSo what are you going to do then, huh?\u201d Elexa asks, taking her hands from her head to the nape of her neck.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Bram whispers. He wipes across his face and looks back to the tiled floor.<\/span><\/p>\n Tears begin to well up in Elexa\u2019s eyes, swirling around in her vision. She chokes them down, causing her throat to dry up. \u201cYou don\u2019t know?\u201d Her throat clenches harder, holding back everything he means to her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n After a few steadying breaths and an unsatisfactory swallow, she says, \u201cWe both know you aren\u2019t okay. Especially after last night, but even before that. To see you struggle night after night is fucking torture. And I see through it every time you\u2019ve tried to hide it.\u201d She pauses. \u201cEither you get help or I have to leave.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI want you to leave,\u201d he says bitterly. \u201cI\u2019m done. Just go.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou know you can cut the \u2018high and mighty\u2019 bullshit. You are a coward. You\u2019re scared that I will judge you. That the world will judge you. You\u2019re scared to be known. You\u2019re scared that now that I\u2019ve seen you like you were on that bathroom floor that you\u2019ve ruined the disguise that kept me around. I know who you are and I\u2019m still here. I still love you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Bram falls silent. With glossy eyes and a clenched jaw, he resumes his previous position, memorizing the cracks and patches of dust on the flooring.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve said what I need to say.\u201d Elexa backs up from the countertop and crosses her arms. \u201cBut just promise me-.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat it won\u2019t come to that again?\u201d Bram interjects, lifting his head up to face her. \u201cThat everything will be okay? You know I can\u2019t promise that.\u201d His voice is tinted with that dullness again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThen stay,\u201d Elexa says in a whisper.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t. I shouldn\u2019t have gotten this close to you in the first place.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cGoodbye Elexa,\u201d Bram says, exiting the kitchen, twisting the doorknob, and, with a simple click, separating them for the final time.<\/span><\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Please reach out if you or someone you know is in immediate danger or experiencing suicidal thoughts.\u00a0You are not alone.<\/strong><\/p>\n 911<\/p>\n 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline<\/p>\n CAPS After Hours Urgent Support: 734-764-8312<\/p>\n UM Psychiatric Emergency Services: 734.996.4747<\/p>\n UM Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness<\/a>: 734.936.3333<\/p>\n D<\/a>epartment of Public Safety and Security<\/a>: 734.763.1131<\/p>\n National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:\u00a0<\/a>1.800.273.TALK (1.800.273.8255)<\/p>\n