I\u2019m an artist and I\u2019m bad at resting. I am absolutely raging terrible at taking a break. I know rest is resistance\u2026and I\u2019m still bad at it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I write this, my brain is totally blitzed out and I can feel the blood vessels in my forehead slowly squeezing into migraine mode because I\u2019ve been on Zoom more or less constantly since early this afternoon hosting meetings for everything from Ypsi Pride\u2019s entertainment committee to a new theatre group I\u2019m trying to get off the ground. I\u2019m cranky and I\u2019m sure I\u2019ve gone a bit nuts and I still have to write this damn blog post. I also still haven\u2019t done the reading for tomorrow\u2019s classes, sent out the notes for either of the meetings I\u2019ve hosted today, or responded to my cat\u2019s ever more mournful meows for food (side note: he\u2019s had like two dinners already; he\u2019s fine).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve written before about how deeply embedded grind culture has become in the arts. Students are also not known for their work-life balance, so I\u2019m arguably twice screwed over in that regard, especially as a nontraditional undergrad trying to balance an existing life, career, and the need to support myself with an elite university built for younger, wealthier students who didn\u2019t have to commute to campus or work their way through school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But here\u2019s the truth: grind culture has also embedded itself in me. Even as I scream into the abyss about how the expectations placed on people by their jobs and passions alike are unhealthy, ableist, and oppressive consequences of late-stage capitalism, I still can\u2019t even personally practice what I preach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sad truth about artists is that we care deeply about what we do, and that makes us all too willing to give in to unreasonable and unhealthy demands on our time and capacity. Taking a break becomes a lot harder when you genuinely want to be doing everything on your to do list. There\u2019s a level of guilt woven into it when you can feel in your bones the importance of what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know that I do not owe any project or entity institution energy beyond my capacity or the exhaustion of my body. But all too often, I still give it. And there are surely power dynamics at play, especially when we\u2019re talking about massive, powerful institutions that hold sway over my future. But then there are the passion projects and the volunteer-run community orgs\u2026and sometimes, taking those projects on also feels like a form of rebellion in the face of so many power structures demanding my time. Resistance itself takes up energy. And rationally, I know this is by design. My exhaustion and the struggle to keep up with the things that are important to me in addition to those that are required of me is a byproduct of some incredibly unjust and unnecessary power structures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But still, if I\u2019m being honest, I find it hard to let go and do nothing. Grind culture has worked its way thoroughly into my thinking, and even though I know it\u2019s not right, I still often give into it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So yeah, I know it\u2019s hard, and I get why we do it. Even so, I\u2019m still going to keep trying to get myself to leave things be and not operate at 110% all the time. If I can channel my innate stubbornness toward an extra project I frankly don\u2019t have the time for, maybe I can also channel it to doing nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words: I\u2019m going to bed after I post this. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m an artist and I\u2019m bad at resting. I am absolutely raging terrible at taking a break. I know rest is resistance\u2026and I\u2019m still bad at it. As I write this, my brain is totally blitzed out and I can feel the blood vessels in my forehead slowly squeezing into migraine mode because I\u2019ve been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2284,"featured_media":25958,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[948,1066,2141,558,420],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26855"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2284"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26855"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26855\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26856,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26855\/revisions\/26856"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26855"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26855"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26855"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}