![\"sunsquarepls2_NoBkgrd\"](\"http:\/\/arts.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-content\/uploads\/sunsquarepls2_NoBkgrd-190x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\nIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about that time of the year, or, perhaps, way past that moment when Fall darkness sets in. I get home from class and work in the dark, I study and write in the dark, I socialize in the dark, and during the day (which is usually dark because Michigan) I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m kept inside tiny rooms within more rooms within more rooms. Life in winter is kafkaesque. Work seems to pile up around me and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m overwhelmed. But there is something else going on entirely under my skin.<\/p>\n
I used to romanticize the winter melancholia that would set in every year. I would feel terrible and love it. Wear moody clothing, quote Kierkegaard and Sartre about existential dread, and drink pots and pots of coffee so I could be not only be sad but also be ecstatically sad, performatively sad. My grades always seemed to suffer only a bit near the end of Fall semesters, which I attributed to the end of term finish line haze of terror; I usually ended up not exactly in fights but friendships always had more tension; and I would leave most social events angry. And then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be alone. And then angrier. I would look at my work and realize that I had no motivation to muster and that motivation seemed to exist only outside, in the leaves freshly fallen, decaying.<\/p>\n
Last weekend, in particular, I felt I had to internalize \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I had fun\u00e2\u20ac\u009d so that when people asked me \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How was your weekend?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t reply \u00e2\u20ac\u0153real shitty.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d People respond poorly to negative things, or I find that people build on the negativity, and I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need more bad reactions. Little things got in the way, moments that were unexpected set me off into a chain of dizzying apathy, I began to really sink into the sadness and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153thrive\u00e2\u20ac\u009d there (aka more of me convincing that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m fine). And then after watching Scandal on Saturday (which is a whole other thing that needs to be unpacked) I realized that I was NOT okay.<\/p>\n
Now I had been to CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) before. After two semi-failed attempts at having therapy sessions, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you feel this way?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well Heidegger in Being and Time \u00c2\u00a0says this . . . and then Nietzsche really compliments this by . . . and the existential void, no? THE VOID.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d In the end all of my problems seemed to come up philosophy (which is partially beautiful I have to say). But another factor that cropped up was the time of the year. Fall-into-Winter and Winter were dreadful to live through and then Spring and Summer were pretty much fantastic.<\/p>\n
Adventuring to CAPS for different reasons also helped me be aware of the Wellness Zone, which, I have to say, is currently saving my happiness.<\/p>\n
SUN SQUARES. These (roughly) two feet by two feet fluorescent-but-not faux sunlight containers that flood your body and eyes with an impenetrable light seem a bit terrifying. The Wellness Zone, in general, has soft mood lighting that is pretty much stomped out by this (amazing) light box. I feel like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a flower, or some weird vegetation, or some creature of the future.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I have heard of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) before this moment, but I was not only angered at the passive aggressiveness of the name, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153oh you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re sad, aw it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the season *pinches cheek and shines a flashlight on you*.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And I have an aversion to a lot of mental health diagnoses that is due to, in part, the medical-industrial complex, corporatization and pathologization of health, etc. So, while I may not technically be diagnosed with anything, these sun boxes are extinguishing my autumntime\/wintertime\/no-sunlight-time overwhelming, life crippling, perpetual state of mourning.<\/p>\n
But I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a humanities senior if I didn’t stare into, or just slightly off of, these boxes without imagining them framed in a museum, or put in hallways, or dorms, or classrooms. All of health I have problems with, especially mental health, because most services or areas of help are tucked away (3rd floor union, Wellness Zone in the back) out of reach\/sight and they aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t often advertised (well or enough). What if we could hang these modern art pieces, because to me that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s partially what they are, all around campus during the winter and flood everyone (albeit this is problematic) with artificial sunlight. A bit much, no? maybe not?<\/p>\n
What does it mean for a square of designed stuff to cause happiness? Or destroy sadness? I mean, I partially don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe it still– but it works. So what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s to say? \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well this artwork affects me so much that I just have an overwhelming sense of OK.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d If I were an artist, this would be my art.<\/p>\n
When talking with friends, however, when they ask me how I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m doing this week, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve replied, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153THESE SUNLIGHT BOXES OF JOY.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It gets people thinking and many have reached out for more information. When I feel this way its a problem, but when all of my friends act this way and try to unpack their feelings, its overwhelming, problematic, and we need the sun to come back.
\nThis experience for me has been life-changing. Every morning I go to CAPS on the third floor of the union, next to where I work (Spectrum Center), and read or write (like now) in front of a light box. Everyday I leave a bit giggly (sunlight always makes me WAY happy) to live my life.<\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to talk about success. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important to share success.<\/p>\n
And my success is feeling amazing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about that time of the year, or, perhaps, way past that moment when Fall darkness sets in. I get home from class and work in the dark, I study and write in the dark, I socialize in the dark, and during the day (which is usually dark because Michigan) I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m kept inside tiny rooms […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":68,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[75,477,473,475,474,472,476,236],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4162"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/68"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4162"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4162\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4166,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4162\/revisions\/4166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/artsatmichigan.umich.edu\/ink\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}