Every time finals comes around, I expect a lot more than I get.
It’s never been super-crazy-hectic for me. It gets a lot busier, but I’ve still, after 4 semesters, never lost more than a few hours of sleep over studying for this stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still using it as an excuse to get out of certain things haha. But still, I never got the big deal.
What I DO feel during finals is worthless. I sort of thrive on the stress of always having something going on. That fast-paced, focused mood is what I thrive in. It’s why my hair is falling out, but it also makes finals week a lot more reflective than it should be.
Since I’m a film major, a majority of my free-time on weekends is spent on sets. If you don’t believe me, for the biggest project I’ve worked on yet, we filmed for 17 days over 6 weekends. It was a huge time commitment, and at the time I had midterms and homework and all this other stuff piled on top of it. As opposed to know, when it all slows down into finals. And since I’m a film student, my finals tend to be pretty light in comparison to others. I go from 100 to 0 in the span of a couple of weeks.
So with all these massive commitments of mine ending and a whole few months before I get the busy-buzz again, I get really anxious. I turn on myself and think that I’m just wasting time when I should be planning for something else. I should be studying or trying to make plans for summer or doing something for my future. I think the problem is I never allow myself the time to rest. That’s why transitions between those hectic moments are so hard for me to get through. Instead of taking them as moments to pause, breath, and reflect on some of the work I’ve done, I use them to torture myself.
It’s unfair to me, and I gotta get better at it, but I’ve taken the first step and acknowledged it, so that’s something.
Please everyone, take care of yourself and try not to stress yourselves out too much. I’m sure you’re gonna do great!
Jonah J. Sobczak