Scribble #5: Can’t Be Sure

Did you know desire’s a terrible thing?”

After a fun weekend of Halloween festivities, I am confronted with the reality of having multiple 10-12 page papers assigned and due by mid-December. A group project worth 20% of my semester grade is due in less than a week. There are only 22 days until Thanksgiving and only 37 days until the last day of classes. I’m still meeting new people on a near-daily basis and trying to juggle the many clubs I joined with the return of in-person classes and activities.

“It makes the world go blind.”

My semester has flown by. Maybe it’s because we are finally doing things in person, maybe it is because I already have a year of college under my belt, or maybe it’s because I’ve been incredibly busy ever since I moved in. 

“But if desire’s a terrible thing,”

In my experience, among my favorite things at the University of Michigan are the endless opportunities at my fingertips. I have no shortage of clubs to join, events to attend, jobs to apply for, and people to meet and spend time with. Unfortunately, this creates a challenge for me. With a course load of fifteen credits or more per semester and in-person activities resuming, I have to ask myself an important question: How much is too much?

You know that I really don’t mind,”

It is not a failure to step back and do less. It is not a sign of defeat to admit that I am not able to do everything. I am not letting myself or others down by acknowledging that I am in over my head. It is okay to say no to events and opportunities, and there is no shame in doing so. After a year of nearly nothing, it is not a reasonable expectation that all of a sudden we would be able to do more than we ever did in our lives prior to the pandemic.

“And it’s my life.”

Like Harriet Wheeler, lead singer of The Sundays, says in Can’t Be Sure, knowing what is best for you and what you want doesn’t have to be instant. Desires and passions can change, and there is no problem with that.

“And though I can’t be sure what I want any more, it will come to me later.”

Sometimes, I don’t know if I’m making the right decision when I choose to start a new activity or reduce my participation in an old one. Fortunately, I also trust myself to do what is best, and when I doubt myself, I have a network of people who I can talk it out with. Regardless, I’ll be able to see that it all works out for me eventually. There will be no shortage of future opportunities for me to engage in if I so choose.

Listen to Can’t Be Sure here:

Sydney Braun

Artist, Musician, Writer, Human. University of Michigan Class of 2024. Pronouns: she/her. Huge fan of 90s music, not a fan of single-use plastic water bottles. Be sure to check out Song Scribbles With Sydney, where I use my favorite music to help analyze emotions, posted every Wednesday!

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