Intrusive Thoughts

Some people write poems about becoming a mother 

I write about losing mine 


Who will tell me to tuck or untuck my shirt

Zippers or laces for shoes


We’re all masquerading as ourselves 

Expertly crafting moments and memories 


How do people find joy in life

Revel in its impermanence 


How do people find joy in life

Seek strength in its disturbance 

I wonder what happens when I lay beside you 

If I rest my head on your shoulder 

I wonder if I can hear your heart tremor 


To the beat of my nerves 

I wonder if you tread carefully with your words 

Pick and choose phrases that will make me listen 


Riesling over liquor 

I wonder if you have lost thoughts 

Tremble at their release and take them elsewhere 


Whisper without me 

I wonder if you hide your truth 

Mask feelings in sweet nothings 


Hide dark in the night 

I can tell

Why can’t you see? 

Is it because I read when you look?

Search soulless for meaning in every breath 

while you take in deep

Restless while you sleep


Will you recoil when I do unto you what you do to me 

Tremble when I choose not to speak? 


There’s joy and anguish here 

Relish and pleasure here 


Is that all? 


Another love lie

I held you tightly so you covered my eyes

Blindside me from the sight of your voice

Lips moving softly as I tremble at their sound 


I wanted you 

Wrapped your head in my arms held it to my stomach

Cried while watching you smile- 


We are posed 

Here standing in levels 

But I am still underneath you 


Pulsing to the breath of your touch 

Loudly to the sound of your name 

Painting myself in you

Is naming me small diminishing my power 

Am I wrong to be flattered 

You’ve done nothing 

I don’t think 

You don’t deserve scrutiny or skepticism but 

I’m searching for someone in me to tell me if myself is with you 

If when we speak we are on the same page 

If the lines of possibilities that scroll through my head 

Match anything that lies in yours