Evolving Emotions: Goodbye

So quickly it began

With nervous laughter

Sweaty palms

Hearts racing wildly

The unknown ahead

 

So slowly it passed

Difficult days

Difficult nights

Tears and sweat and pain

Awaiting the day

 

Of the end

The last day of the start

Of more difficult days

Difficult nights ahead

But some good ones too

 

Much bitter sweetness lingers

In every goodbye

With a wave

Say goodbye to

All of the lessons learned

People met

 

And things yet to become

 

We must cherish all endings

However bitter

Or deliciously sweet

For they are final, of course

And now,

Onto something new

 

Evolving Emotions: Moderation

*Trigger Warning*

This poem contains eating disorder subject matter.

 

In the realm of hypocrisy

Everything in moderation

The chant that leads to an obsession

An obsession that cannot be moderated

Counting the calories

Saying no

Saying yes becomes a rarity

And even then

Wishing you hadn’t

That number on the scale

Satisfying but wanting

Wanting perfection

That moderation of flesh

Of fat

Of life

Wanting the shock

The surprise

The congratulatory remarks

They didn’t know the damage done

Seasons pass

A new obsession

One of eating feelings

Crying frustration

Counting calories

Unable to stop the pain

You stuff it down your throat

Only for it to come back up

A mess of “moderation”

Of obsession beyond balance

Beyond sense

Polar sides

Neither just right

Always looking

Striving

For the approval

For the stability

Of those words

Everything in moderation”

 

Evolving Emotions: Spring

Crunch and fragility

Dull brown and lifeless

A flower

Killed by cold

A horrendous annual crime

 

But upon a newfound strength

By the Earth’s nurturing scape

A blooming begins

 

Inaction and then

Elation at a new

Motion in the ground

Abolition of the lifelessness of yesterday

Captivation of colors. The

Transformation beneath. A

Foundation of weaving threads. An

Interconnection of the greatest

Creation brought along by the spring

Resurrection

 

 

Evolving Emotions: Tarot Reading

The cards that hold

Knowledge I already knew

But couldn’t access

 

The hands that have seen

Roughness

Niceties

And warm gestures

 

Grazing the cards

Selecting aimlessly

 

A past

Repressed

And bottled

 

A present

Confused

And hopeful

 

A future

Essential

But fearsome

 

Forming a row of formidable cards

They speak and expose

 

A heartbreak two folds

Too strong

Complications of roads

Too intimidating to choose from

 

Decisions neglected

Thoughts finely pressed

And set aside for a different morning

 

Desires to be realized

Dreams to dazzle

And worlds of people to meet

 

Such an accurate picture

Painted by the person

Sitting before me

 

Divulging my concerns

Encouraging my pursuits

 

I heard what I yearned for

Absorbing the words

From across a rickety table

 

UMMA: Queer Night

Evolving Emotions: Numb

Sights have lost their luster

Songs are no longer melodious in tune

Colors are gray

Lights have darkened

In a haze

 

My pupils lazy

My mouth lame

My limbs heavy

 

Unable to express

Unable to cry

Unable to feel

 

What would it take?

 

To allow the dreaded

Thoughts

Sensations

And concerns

Inside

 

Accepting them

Embracing them

Unafraid and willing

 

Would it make a difference?

 

In the haze

There is no beginning

No middle

No end

No light at the end of the tunnel

 

It is an indifference

A distance

An apathy

 

Disturbing as it may be

Not feeling

May be dangerously appealing

As a small price to pay

 

Evolving Emotions: Bliss in the Dark

Setting in the west

Purple and blue hues

Over the plains of grass

A peace fills the air

Dotted with stars

My friend sits in the sky

Pronounced against the black

We are alone together.

My neck cranes

To witness his light

Grazing my face

I lay in the grass

Looking out

Darkness surrounds me

Concealing my existence

Only acknowledged by my friend in the sky

 

A profound comfort washes

Across my skin.

The softness of the breeze

The chill of the night

The peace in this place.

No judgement

No eyes upon my flesh

Probing my mind.

Just me on the Earth

And my friend in the sky

 

How blissful is anonymity

The release of the pressure to conform

The anxiety of inadequacy

The worries for the future

And the loathing of the past.

My friend steadies me

I shine with him

Our bliss in the dark.