Let’s Marple It Up!

It was a day like any other. I was just about to have my morning tea, as my new friend Nico approached me:

“Hey man.”
“Well hello, what can I do for you, my dear?” I replied.
“I told you about the person who always steals my ham, right?”
“Yes, you certainly did!”
“This morning it happened again.”

And then he went on and on about this ham theft which, to be quite honest with you, I found rather samey. As the day went on and the sun slowly set over the nicely trimmed rose bushes of our hostel’s neighbour, Mrs. Haberdasher – her son apparently just quit his job, because it was too hard on his pitiable, little hands, so he can help out in the garden – the events picked up. Some music played and people started tippling. Our room housed the consumption of further recreational drugs, which won’t be discussed any further here. Nothing illegal, of course!

“Haha, let me have another drag.” I said.
“Ok, but we only have another two.” Nico replied.
“Two will get you good and baked. And besides, we’ve had four today, already.”

Shortly after indulging in the joys of our newfound favourite substance, two further mates had moved into our room. They weren’t too talkative:

“What do you think about this, Alfred?” I asked one of them. “You haven’t said a single word since you got here. That’s why I had to give you this name… Alfred… because I don’t know your real name.”
“You’re not going to get a reply from Alfred, right James?” James didn’t answer either.
“Well, I would call you impolite, if you weren’t so jaunty, guys.”

As the night progressed, smoke filled our room, beer cans were emptied and things got a little… out of hand:

“Yeees, Alfred, I’m on to you…” Nico babbled, dangerously waggling around with the knife he had pulled out from under his bed upon arrival a couple of days ago. “… you stole my ham, didn’t you? Admit it!  Admit it and I’ll let you go unharmed.”
“He isn’t going to answer” I said and tried to slowly take away Nico’s knife.
“NO! That is my knife and I am going to keep it. I am allowed to do anything I want with this. If I wanted to throw it at Alfred, I could. Like this.”

And he threw the knife at James. It sunk deep into Jame’s chest, he slid off his bed and didn’t get back up again.

“That wasn’t Alfred, that was James, you pillock!” I screamed, absolutely stunned by what had just happened.
“Oh bloody hell, what have I done?” Nico asked incredulously grabbing his head. “I killed the wrong person.”
“You killed a person!!”
“Holy moly!” Nico exclaimed. “How am I going to get a job, if I killed a person in my first week here?”
“Wha.. What are you talking about? Come down and help me resuscitate Frank!” I yelled and jumped over to Frank to turn him on his back. There was blood everywhere.
“James… His name is James!” Nico corrected me.
“Whatever! Call an ambulance!”

For a while I gave James a cardiac massage, with the knife still burried deep inside his chest. I could only hear myself breathing. James didn’t move and more and more blood poured over my hands. Desperately, I turned around to see what Nico was up to. I couldn’t believe my bloody eyes: He had fallen asleep on the bed, with a cell phone in his hand. With Alfred’s cell phone. Just as I was about to get up and wake up Nico in an unpleasant manner, I felt very giddy and darkness surrounded me before I hit the ground.

An immense pain in the back of my head woke me up. The sun was shining through the closed window on the wooden floor, which was soaked in red liquid. I moved my head about an inch to the side and smelled it. It smelled like sugar and alcohol. I heard someone move behind me. That was probably Nico. That turnip had fallen asleep last night, when he actually was supposed to call an ambulance… But why an ambulance?

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Nico and I said in unison and Ipushed myself off the ground, which helped the pain in my head intensify. I looked around. There was noone else beside Nico and me in the room. Just a huge pillow on the empty bed at the far end of the room and a huge pillow with a knife stuck in it and the red alcoholic liquid smeared all over it, on the ground in the middle of the room.

“Bud, weren’t there two guys here last night? One of which was sort of… dead, I believe.” Nico asked.
“I think we have to cut down on the drugs, mate.” I answered and pointed at the banana Nico was still pressing to the side of his face, as if he was calling somebody on it.
“Yeah, unemployment is not healthy for me…”

Next week we learn about how Nico and I got our first job and actually there is a lot to learn about the entire field of work and markets in New Zealand, so be sure to stop by when I Bryson it up.

See you next week and remember to be the weirdest you can possibly be.