Crooked Fool: Dance it Crooked

Meander, twist

Dancing around

No lines, no limits, all angle

Twisting, turning

Like the branches of a tree

Like an ancient river

And yet somehow this is wrong

Every day

Stretching away pain

Exploding power into muscles

Insisting.

And trying to remember that the enemy isn’t my body

It’s the expectation that if you can’t do things one way

You shouldn’t do them at all

Insisting

On movement

Because it heals

And I don’t have to do it standing “straight”

Breath expanding

Crushed against ribs

Heart pounding more than it should

Feeling deeply into each muscle

Because crooked things can be beautiful

But take a bit of searching

Breathe

Sharp exhale

Dizzy

Lightheaded

Still moving

Insisting

For me

Dance

In a spiral

In a twist

Roll

Leap

You’re not made of glass

Don’t let them tell you so

This dance is resistance

Against the idea that only certain kinds of bodies can do it “right”

That some bodies should only exist in breakable inaction

Noiselessness

Cooperation

Convenience

Move

Dance

Spine

Breath

Because you were not meant to be shackled into stillness

Crooked Fool: Who are the “real” artists?

I recently closed a professional, devised show in Detroit. For anyone who isn’t familiar with this type of theatre, it basically involves a group of performers building an original show from the ground up, often utilizing games and improvisation. When we were rehearsing one day, I started moving along with a poem being read by another performer.

And then the question came: are you a dancer?

And oof, that’s a tough one.

So first of all, because I am stubborn, yes. In small part due to a random smattering of dance classes, mostly in adulthood, and in much larger part due to some pretty extensive physical theatre training, I have a degree of body awareness and creativity, and I move to express beauty and tell stories. So yes, I dance.

But that’s not what I told them.

“It’s complicated.”

I’ve taken some dance classes. I’ve tried out a lot of styles. I’ve done some work developing stamina, flexibility, and somatic awareness. But, despite the way I think about my own identity as an artist, I’m also keenly aware that there are plenty of people – many of them dancers – who would not view that label as accurate.

As a child, my dance training was limited to a few classes at the Y. I did not spend years in ballet or modern technique classes learning the correct ways to position my feet or perfecting my placement. Instead, when the theatres all closed during the pandemic and I ended up with a bunch of free time on my hands, I started taking adult dance classes. It started with various hip hop styles, such as popping, locking, and breaking, then branched into the somewhat scarier and certainly more daring circus arts, like silks, pole dancing, and parkour, before coming back down to Earth with styles like modern and contemporary. Even now, if somebody tried to verbalize some kind of choreography to me, it’s still a crapshoot whether I’ll have any idea what they’re talking about. Though it’s worth noting that I can do quite a lot if somebody explains movements in terms of body mechanics instead of dance vocabulary.

So, this time, I’ll pose the question to you: am I a dancer? Can I call myself a dancer if I didn’t spend my entire childhood learning technique and then ideally perfecting it in college? If my aesthetic is less “point your toes” and more “let’s try this weird thing and see if it looks cool?”

There’s a lot at stake in this question. How should I think of myself artistically? What are the “right” labels?

But most importantly: who gets to call themselves an artist?

Because if the only people who get to be artists are those who can afford thousands of hours of classes and do things the “right” way according to the standards of the dominant culture, that’s a really big problem.

First: how many hours of dance classes does it take to perfect the minutiae of technique? And more importantly, how many people can afford that many dance classes? As a kid, I sure couldn’t. I don’t necessarily think that there’s anything wrong with learning technique in dance or any art form. There’s definitely some benefit to have more tools to pull from when creating. But I do think there’s something inherently elitist and exclusionary in saying that there’s only one right way to create, and that only those with enough money and resources are allowed access.

The some obvious unfairness to telling people that if they can’t afford “real” training, they can’t be artists. But there’s an even bigger problem: by telling people that only those who can afford extensive training get to be “real” artists, we’re ensuring that art remains a domain only for the wealthy and powerful.

Narratives govern our lives. Tsubasa Yamaguchi famously said, “Art is a language without words,” and I’m inclined to agree. Because we can say more through the arts than we might be able to with words alone, making and sharing art in its various forms allows us the chance to challenge dominant narratives. If we tell ourselves the story that everything’s fine, nothing will change. But if we can alter the story we tell ourselves to say that change needs to happen, there’s some chance that it actually will. People will only try to change things if they believe something is wrong. Change the story, change reality.

So here’s the thing: if only the privileged make art, privileged narratives are perpetuated.

Part of moving towards a more just world is being open to expanding our ideas of what counts as normative, good, and beautiful. And in all of these cases, but particularly in regard to beauty, the arts have a unique ability to challenge entrenched ways of thinking and help us to see beauty in new places. By taking away the gatekeeping around what counts as a “real” artist, we allow more people the chance to challenge narratives that fail to acknowledge the beauty and goodness in those who don’t fit our reductionistic, colonized ideas of who “deserves” or has “earned” these labels, based either on having inherent traits that are favored, or by developing normative traits through conformity and compliance.

So what does it mean to tell me that I’m not a dancer? To say that because I move differently than I might if I had trained in more conventional ways from childhood, my body can never fit within the imposed parameters? What does it mean that my body, ever crooked due to scoliosis and sometimes uncooperative due to chronic illness, will never hold itself the exactly the way a dancer body “should?” If I can’t dance right, should I never dance at all?

Movement has been my primary means of managing chronic pain for years, and for this reason among many others, I refuse to believe that my identity as a creative mover, a researcher of my own body, as a DANCER should be locked up in an ivory tower that I can only access if I force my non-normative body to behave itself and cough up money and resources that I don’t have. Because then my body would just be another “weird,” “ugly” body that would never get to move at all. Movement should not be a privilege reserved for the white, cis, straight, or able-bodied.

George Washington Carver said, “Education is the key to unlock a golden door of freedom.” And I don’t necessarily disagree. I can still see the value in working with great teachers, getting feedback, introducing yourself to new ideas and aesthetics, and pushing yourself as an artist. But given the power dynamics and barriers still inherent in education and training, I don’t think it’s fair to lock people out and tell them their creativity and perspectives aren’t legitimate if they can’t access these things.

So yes – because I have put in the work to study my own body and explore various styles of dance, and because I am challenging notions of what physical beauty and expressive movement can be – I am a dancer.

MediaScape Musings # 10 : All In Your Head 🧠

Today, I’m excited to unveil a groundbreaking project I’m currently immersed in, titled “All in Your Head.” This innovative endeavor brings together dancers, musicians, artists, and neuroresearchers in a captivating exploration of the trial-and-error landscape of mental health treatment, the scientific intricacies of depression, and the intricate inner workings of the brain.

“All in Your Head” unfolds as a four-movement multimodal masterpiece, seamlessly integrating visual art, dance, and live improvisation and composition. By challenging the conventional notion that mental illness is merely “all in your head,” this project invites a profound shift in perspective. Instead, it prompts us to direct our focus precisely where it needs to be—into the individual’s unique brain chemistry, circuitry, and holistic life experience. This distinctive world demands equally unique and tailored treatment approaches.

Join us on this transformative journey by following our Instagram account @neuroartsprod for updates on upcoming events and a behind-the-scenes look at the creative process. Together, let’s delve into the realms of art, science, and human experience to redefine the narrative surrounding mental health! 🧠 🤯 🎆

MediaScape Musings # 8 : Asking Alice

I hope you’re having a wonderful start to the new semester! I am thrilled to extend an invitation to you for the upcoming performance of “Asking Alice,” a collaboration between creators from Performing Arts Technology and Dance!

Event Details:
* Date: January 19th & 20th
* Time: 7:30 pm (Doors open at 7:00 pm)
* Venue: Arthur Miller Theater (Adjacent to Pierpont Building)
* Tickets: Free- available at the box office a half-hour before the show

“Asking Alice” is a futuristic reinterpretation of Lewis Carroll’s novels, in which Alice ventures through a cyber Wonderland on a journey of reinvention in an increasingly digitized world. Along the way, she encounters iconic characters and creatures from the original tales. The work features dance, robotics, and an original score featuring a solo cellist. Don’t miss this whimsical show, playing this weekend only! 

We looking forward to welcoming you to Wonderland!  

MediaScape Musings # 7 : Missing Piece

Hello everyone!! As we approach the end of the semester, I wanted to take a moment to extend warm regards and share a unique collaborative endeavor that has been brewing in one of our classes, involving students from the PAT, Stamps, and Dance departments.

Titled “Missing Piece,” this project is more than just a performance; it combines live performance art, dance movements, and live piano interludes. What makes it truly special is the active involvement of our audience. We’ve extended an invitation for them to bring objects of personal significance, items that hold meaning and significance to them, and seamlessly incorporate these objects into the fabric of the performance itself.

As we eagerly await the culmination of this project, I can’t help but anticipate the final recorded performance. It promises to be a testament to the power of collective creativity and the magic that ensues when diverse talents intertwine to create something truly special.

Stay tuned for the final performance video, as it’s sure to encapsulate the essence of our collaborative efforts and the meaning behind “Missing Piece.”

TOLAROIDS: Favorite shoot

I’ve been sorting my photos recently and I stumbled across so many pictures from the past that I wanted to share, but this still probably remains my favorite creative shoot. It was for my own exhibition that I curated in 2019 and it featured dance in different transformations. The problem with capturing dance is that a photograph only captures a short snippet, freezes the dancer in one moment, while the entire idea of dance is that it’s continuous. That’s why I used long exposure to capture the continuum and to really show the act of dancing.

If you hover over the images you can see what settings I used, just if you’re curious 🙂 I am working on editing some new photos so there should be some new exciting content soon.

 

 

 

 

 

With any questions/comments/concerns you can find me at:

email: akilian@umich.edu

Instagram: akilian,jpg