Little Girl from Waitlist

Before I was accepted to University of Michigan’s School of Music, Theatre and Dance I spent six months on the waitlist. I auditioned in January (unaware that U of M was not simply good for music, rather, that it was and is one of the top music schools in the country), placed on the waitlist in March, and told in May that there absolutely was no room for me – there simply were too many sopranos. However, my name was kept on the waitlist for the summer in the unlikely event that some soprano got cold feet and gave up their spot. Two weeks before my freshman year I received a call and suddenly I was a music major.

I began freshman year knowing that I was the worst one in my class and to some extent I have carried that shadow of doubt with me throughout my entire time here at the University of Michigan. Yet this doubt has fueled my desire to prove myself to the faculty who saw potential, if not promise, in the performance of a 17 year old that could not sing below G4. It motivated me to audition for every show possible and resulted in me performing in over 25 operas, musicals and plays in 4 years. It convinced me not to change my degree to a Bachelor of Musical Arts from Bachelor of Music even though a BMA is more dual degree friendly and it hung it the back of my mind reminding me that I needed to work harder than everyone else to earn the opportunity which I had been given.

On December 21st, the voice that has hung in the back of my mind finally disappeared because on that day I sang in the preliminary competition of the University of Michigan’s Concerto Competition and won. After years of doubt and determination, the same professors that placed me on the waitlist decided that was fit to represent the voice department at the Concerto Competition Finals where I would compete with 6 instrumentalists and another vocalist for the opportunity to perform my piece with symphony orchestra.

While I did not win the Concerto Competition Finals, the opportunity to sing at Hill Auditorium with a real audience was the culmination of everything that I have been working for these past four years. Granted, 17 of the audience members were faculty members sitting with pen and paper (some even following along with the music) actively judging the quality of my instrument and preparation, however, in the twenty minutes where I stood center stage at Hill Auditorium I felt the deepest sense of accomplishment. Here I was a twenty-two year old soprano singing on the same stage that Rachmaninoff, Joan Sutherland, Elton John, Leonard Bernstein, Audra McDonald, Yo-Yo Ma and so many others have rehearsed and performed on. It was a bit overwhelming! In those twenty minutes that I sang Previn’s Honey and Rue, the chip on my shoulder vanished. Part of me will always be the little girl from waitlist worrying that she is not doing enough and that she is falling behind her peers, but the little voice constantly casting a shadow of doubt has vanished, all because I refused to listen in the first place.