Author: Sydney Braun

“The things we do, the things we don’t,”

Recently, I have been very busy – so busy that I’ve been scheduling specific time to be with friends and occasionally viewing it as something I have to do instead of an exciting privilege to spend time with people I love. While I used to be excited to see a friend, now I almost feel guilty – like I should be spending my time on school, work, or other urgent tasks instead. 

“The things we love, the things we lost.”

With midterms well underway, I am constantly asking myself one question: “Am I doing enough?” Am I studying enough? Am I working on my essays enough? Am I sleeping enough? Am I spending enough time with my friends? Am I spending enough time taking care of myself?

“Where the wind blows, runnin’ ’round in circles…”

In my most overwhelming moments, I remind myself that I am always enough, regardless of what I am doing (or not doing). I am doing enough, regardless of what I might hear or see others doing. It’s not easy to balance school, work, a social life, and my own physical and mental health. It’s natural to be overwhelmed, and I’m handling it and making it through the best I can.

“The future is mine just the same,”

Midterms will come and go, but I refuse to spend my time questioning and doubting myself, my work ethic, and my ability to succeed – academically and otherwise. I’m in control. I’m doing my best, I’m doing enough, I’m going to get all these essays and exams done, and I’m going to be alright. 

“No master or gods to obey.”

Listen to No Gods No Masters by Garbage here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxyIBF3ljrY

“Surrender, then start your engines, you’ll know quite soon what my mistake was.”

Fall Break provided some much needed time to catch up with some of my friends as well as a brief visit from some family. I was also able to rest my mind and body for a few days after a busy first half of the semester. Between classes, work, extracurriculars, and other things, I didn’t even realize how exhausted I’ve been until Fall Break ended and I had to get back to my busy routine.

“For those on horseback or dog sled, you turn on at the bend in the road.”

My friend and I were talking about how this semester has seemed to be especially tiring for both of us, albeit still filled with good times and memories. I don’t aim to wish time away, yet I simultaneously find myself counting down the days until Thanksgiving Break after once again realizing how enjoyable a few days of rest are. However, until then, I have a packed schedule full of midterms and fun fall plans… even though it already snowed today! One of the albums that has been on repeat for me now that it’s getting colder outside is Tori Amos’s From the Choirgirl Hotel. These past few weeks I have connected strongly with many of the songs on the album, but the track Liquid Diamonds has been in my head all day today.

“I hear she still grants forgiveness, although I willingly forgot her…”

In my busy Ann Arbor life, I am happy to once again be actively finding myself – whether it be through friends, therapy, or the ins-and-outs of my everyday life as a student at the University of Michigan. The best I can do is the best I can do, and I’m doing my best to enjoy the ride, from the incredibly busy days to the days on Fall Break that I (happily) did not leave my house. Here’s to more busy days, more restful days, and whatever the second half of the semester brings!

“Calling for my soul at the corners of the world.”

Listen to Liquid Diamonds by Tori Amos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGlQhUja-Lo

“This is Major Tom to ground control,”

This past Sunday, I went to the movie theater with my best friend to see the new David Bowie documentary, Moonage Daydream (this post is not an advertisement!). Safe to say, I’ve been listening to Bowie a lot since then. Today’s song, Space Oddity, deals with an astronaut, Major Tom, getting lost in space, and ends with the audience not quite being sure of his fate, but assuming he is lost in space forever.

“I’ve left forevermore,”

I was having an anxious day – they’ve been more and more frequent recently – but hearing Bowie’s life story, creative inspiration, and how frequently things can and do change gave me a much-needed boost into the week. I don’t like feeling anxious, but anxious has seemed to be my default setting for a while now. When I’m not feeling like myself, especially in these times of change, I wonder if that’s just the new version of me – a scary thought, considering I don’t like this anxious version of me as much as my normal, more stable self. Naturally, the thought crossed my mind: What if I’m anxious like this forever? Forever lost like Major Tom, only instead of being lost in space, lost in my own spiraling thoughts. 

“And I’m floating in most peculiar way,”

After some progressions this week and thanks to some amazing people I am lucky to have in my life, I very much learned that being permanently anxious would not be the case. The idea of becoming my favorite version of myself again – soon – is amazing. When I thought of Space Oddity today, I realized that I know the way that my Major Tom story ends. I’m coming back to Earth, back in control of my mind, once again feeling at home within myself.

“And the stars look very different today.”

Listen to Space Oddity by David Bowie here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjai76Bm9mA

“Gib mir die Hand” (Give me your hand)

Welcome back to another season of Song Scribbles! For those who are new (or just want a refresher), my name is Sydney, and I am currently a junior (Class of 2024) at the University of Michigan. I started Song Scribbles in Fall 2021 and I’m excited to continue the blog series for yet another semester! So far, it’s been a great way to reflect on each of my weeks as a college student and connect the music I listen to with the experiences I am having, and I hope to be able to look back on my blogs one day and be proud of how far I’ve come (I’ve already done it with some of my earlier blogs last year – oh, how time flies!).

“Ich bau’ dir ein Schloss aus Sand,” (I’ll build you a castle out of sand)

This past week, I received the very exciting news that I got accepted into a Winter 2023 study abroad program in Berlin, and while I’ve been a fan of a lot of 80s West Berlin music for a while now, I reached out to one of my music-savvy friends to ask if they could make me a playlist of some German music that I might not be familiar with. This week’s song, Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann (Somehow, Somewhere, Sometime) by Nena (you’ve probably heard her song 99 Luftballons), was one of the songs included on that playlist.

“Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann.” (Somehow, Somewhere, Someday)

Sometimes it is the absolute perfect time for a song to come into your life, and this was one of those times. With an incredibly busy 17-credit class schedule to keep up with (as well as my job, student organizations, social life, sleep schedule, and mental health) I have had an overwhelming start to the semester. Change tends to be challenging for me, but I know I am able to adapt to it – if I couldn’t adapt, why would I even consider studying abroad, let alone be so excited for it? 

“Die Zeit ist reif für ein bisschen Zärtlichkeit,” (The time has come for a little tenderness)

Like Nena sings, now IS the time for a little tenderness. Time to practice treating myself gently and kindly and talking to myself like I’d talk to a friend. What is important to me now is to practice self-compassion – to acknowledge that juggling so many things can be stressful and challenging. I often put a lot of pressure on myself, but I need to remember that I’m doing my best and I should be proud of myself regardless. I will adapt, I will feel more stable, I will succeed, and I will continue to do my best.

“Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann.” (Somehow, Somewhere, Someday)

Listen to Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann by Nena here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN4LYsre_XM