I will write a poem without pain
Despite crying disdain for inflicting it’s stain
Or feeling its sting while afflicted by shame
Day by day seeping into a daze
My suffering is minimal in many ways
If one is worse I should be able
To lift myself from this haze
I will write a poem without pain
Dancing lazily in the game
For I am not living this life in vain
If I rest my head on your shoulder
I wonder if I can hear your heart tremor
To the beat of my nerves
I wonder if you tread carefully with your words
Pick and choose phrases that will make me listen
Riesling over liquor
I wonder if you have lost thoughts
Tremble at their release and take them elsewhere
Whisper without me
I wonder if you hide your truth
Mask feelings in sweet nothings
Hide dark in the night
Why can’t you see?
Is it because I read when you look?
Search soulless for meaning in every breath
while you take in deep
Restless while you sleep
Will you recoil when I do unto you what you do to me
Tremble when I choose not to speak?
There’s joy and anguish here
Relish and pleasure here
Is that all?
Is naming me small diminishing my power
Am I wrong to be flattered
You’ve done nothing
I don’t think
You don’t deserve scrutiny or skepticism but
I’m searching for someone in me to tell me if myself is with you
If when we speak we are on the same page
If the lines of possibilities that scroll through my head
Match anything that lies in yours
How they spread up into my hands
Dissipate like water beads sprinkling across my skin
I like how your twisted tongue turns poetry into song
With verses that don’t rhyme
I like
How you lace my drinks with antiquity
Quiet my sobs with ecstasy
And paint them as honesty
Your lips keep all of them contained within me
Sealed with the kiss of your disdain
I like it when these things take my being
Twist it into tangles of hope and fear
Drop the knot make it hold tight while falling
I like commanding over risks
Jumping out of a plane landing on my feet
Playing publicly after plotting carefully
I seek control over the unknown
Find it while diving deep
Feeling more power with every sinking failure
