Crooked Fool: Artists, PLEASE REST.

My favorite memory of physical theatre school is when, during tech week, amid regular 13-hour days, one of the profs wanted us to work through lunch. I rebelled, and of course I was viewed as the difficult one. Guess who probably wouldn’t hire me out in the wild?

In case it wasn’t clear, I’m being sarcastic. This isn’t my favorite memory.

But it is common. The reality of trying to make art in a late-stage capitalist, colonized society is that a lot of artists, even professional ones, are forced to work a fulltime day job while making art on the side. We burn the candle at both ends, and our teachers and directors perpetuate the status quo. This is, in large part, because poor funding and misplaced social values prevent artists from being paid fairly for their work, and while it’s worth advocating to fix that, it’s not going to happen overnight.

Grind culture is deeply embedded in the arts. In contrast to the narrative that doing what we love will ensure we never really work a day in our lives, we often find our passions reduced to nothing BUT work. Joy comes second if it shows up at all.

Many of the arts have ritualistic, spiritual roots. Creative community practices are meant to be owned by everybody and to have innate value outside of their money-making potential. But in 21st century America, that’s not how it works.

When was the last time you turned on some music and moved aimlessly all alone? When did you write something no one would ever see? When did you let yourself create, even if it wasn’t perfect, whatever the hell you wanted, just for yourself?

Sometimes, rest is resistance and stillness is power.

How can we reconnect with our work as a source of personal power? How can we find the ways it can recharge us, rather than just how much work it will take to “make it?” Can we play, explore, and create just for us, without needing someone else to buy it?

Capacity is a real issue here. When we’re constantly grinding to make a living, whether in the arts or otherwise, it can be hard to find time for practices like this.

But here, in the dead of winter while everything sleeps, with potentially some really dark times on the horizon where our creative work may be needed more than ever, can we resist by reclaiming our time?

~Sappy Daze~ Day 13

I Took a Picture 

of an old lady 
taking a picture, 
in awe
of a naked tree. 
That tree attracted 
her admiration 
because 
it was stripped 
of its bark
is what I 
thought, until I 
realized that 
tree was 
just like that, 
and not diseased or 
traumatized. 
Did the old lady 
taking a picture 
know that? Maybe I 
never actually 
took a picture. I 
can’t remember, but I 
remember wanting 
to, and if I 
had actually 
took a picture, 
I deleted it 
right away.
I remember wondering 
if it was creepy 
of me to 
take a picture 
of the old lady, 
too, but what I 
took a picture of 
was her 
taking a picture.

- Sappy

~Sappy Daze~ Day 12

PMS 

Pardon my speech. As a 
poor, malfunctioning soul,
pleasantries might not suffice as I 
pacify this major s*** of a time.

Pre-menstrual symptoms 
popularly include munchies--
pizza and milk-chocolate-coated strawberries. 
Problematically, my sanity is 
progressively missing, so
please my satiations and 
perhaps I might sincerely 
produce my pretty smile.

- Sappy

~Sappy Daze~ Day 11

The  night  I got stranded  in Kyoto,  

the weeping  willows charmed me  more than  the  Sakura. I watched  the streets crawl  out of  bed and  join me  greet the  large crows.  My eyes  nestled on a fluffy one’s matching winter coat.  Led by the screeching subways, I lead the way past the bridge away from a Family Mart’s jingles. The trains filled at 6:40 AM reminded me of the temple night and  day  with  the  club.  The  fleeting  city  trickled  the  compartments  empty.   The  stragglers  tickled my curiosity. Did they wonder about my journey or did  I imposter their lives wandering?  I  questioned my life  cycling in the  ptptptptptptptpt  of rain towards the  fshfshfshfshf  of  waves. The  night ended  with falling off  a bike  hearing  opera. The  day  started  with   falling    asleep.

- Sappy