Capturing Campus: Four Years

Four Years

tears shed with bright panic

at the sight of a new home

alone in a mask

how can one make friends 

six feet apart

I applied for a job

writing poems to regret (not now, but later)

I learned that I hadn’t learned Spanish (or English)

I would start again

in a cold sweat at 1:00 am

as my roommate dry heaved liquid fun 

into a trashcan

I met a person

who asked to sleep with me

I didn’t.

I made art,

spent holidays at home, where things felt wrong

but never went on as long as I hoped

had my future read

embrace who you are, who you love, they said

I did neither at 19 

in Chicago, I was low below the river 

back at work, then to school

again, I met a roommate

Halloween was football and fishnets

nightlife and laughter in Grand Rapids 

I met more writers, more friends 

turned 20 

watched my favorite person graduate

in the fresh June heat

I felt happy for the first time in a long time

I applied for a job

wrote a book I’ll never publish

fed goats and peeled through corn stalks 

ran a club, felt grown

hit another low in the ER (I took my notes to study)

before turning 21 

drank and said goodbye

hit lower than the ground

I thought you couldn’t fall from the floor

stood up, took off to my last year

cried for different reasons

looked long and hard in the mirror 

wondering where the time went

whether it was worth it

I’d like to say it was, so I will

It was worth it.

All of this to say, I am enormously lucky to have lived and grown here. Although my undergraduate years were hard (harder than I anticipated), I have gained the confidence, companionship, and courage to keep reaching. I want to extend my thanks to the arts, ink. program director for providing me with the opportunity to express myself on this website. Thank you to everyone who has read my writing. Your support means more than you know. With that, I hope to see you around. Go Blue!