Since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell…

Last Thursday, I was lucky enough to see Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman speak as a part of the Penny Stamps lecture series.  I, like many of the others in the audience, went to the lecture because my progression from childhood to adolescence to adulthood was basically charted by new volumes of A Series of Unfortunate Events which Mr. Handler wrote under his pen name, Lemony Snicket.  The lecture was not about that series, and I worried that for that reason it might not hold my interest.  I was happily proved incredibly wrong.  Handler and Kalman were in Ann Arbor to talk about their new book, Why We Broke Up, which charts the relationship and eventual demise of a high school couple through the objects the girlfriend is giving her now ex-boyfriend back.  Handler and Kalman have also started a website where people from all over can share their own stories of “why they broke up.”

Sitting there, hearing about the artists’ own break-up experiences and looking at this art centered around break-ups, I was struck by the idea that there is so much art about heartbreak.  I have a belief that 99% of art is based on love in some form.  Of that, I would say nearly half focuses on heartbreak or a sad or an impossible love.  My first thought was the movie High Fidelity (I know it is based on a book, but I haven’t read the book, and I don’t want to make assumptions about it based on the movie because who knows how much of that adaptation is faithful?).  This is a movie that dissects break-ups of all shapes and sizes.  The main character, Rob, works at a record store where he and his co-workers are constantly making “top five” lists.  In the film, Rob recounts his top five break-ups, and due to the nature of his work, each scene is punctuated by a killer soundtrack.

Probably the most obvious break-up art is the break-up song.  After the lecture and thinking about High Fidelity, I became really interested in the nature of the break-up song.  I sent out a mass text to my friends asking for their favorite break-up songs—they could be that sad, wallowy kind, a “fuck you” vibe, “I’m better without you”—whatever had helped them through break-ups.  Responses came back immediately.  People love sharing their break-up songs.  Generally, there were two types of responses: either someone would send one song that got them through a very specific break-up (these usually included a small story) or they would send a list with the best ones they could think of.  You can tell from the tone of someone’s songs what kind of break-ups they’ve been through and how they dealt with it.  People were telling me things.  Big things that had happened to them.  They have break-up playlists.  They have songs that immediately make them tear up with the memory of that heartbreak, no matter how removed they are from the experience now.

When thinking about the songs that came flooding in, I was surprised.  Most break-up songs are about the other person.  This makes sense, but I guess when I think of listening to music after a break-up it is sort of a self-healing process.

The majority of songs people suggested are about the “you,” the other person. I was going to compile a list of songs, but I am not exaggerating when I say the results were overwhelming.  Here are a few of my favorites/the most popular:

• “Free Bird”- Lynyrd Skynyrd.  This was the first response I got.  I thought he was kidding.  He wasn’t.  He said he can’t explain it, but his senior year of high school, he had a tough break-up and this helped him through.
• “Fuck You”- Lily Allen, for the angrier side of the spectrum, although the uptempo popiness adds a fun element.
• “Somebody That I Used to Know”- both Gotye and Eliot Smith
• “Skinny Love”- Bon Iver.  This one was mentioned a lot.
• “Your Heart is an Empty Room”- Death Cab for Cutie
• Anything by Dashboard Confessional, anything by Adele, anything by Ingrid Michaelson, anything by Joni Mitchell.  These came up often. Broody, mopey, oddly comforting.  Everyone seemed almost embarrassed to mention these guys, especially Adele, because it seemed so obvious, but isn’t that what makes them so perfect?
• “Headless Horseman”- The Microphones.  From my friend who said, “…might be the most heartbreaking break-up song ever, and I listen to some sad-ass music, believe me.”
• “Jude Law and a Semester Abroad”- Brand New
• “Cecilia”- Simon & Garfunkel.  You’re breaking my heart.
• “LIFEGOESON”- Noah and the Whale.  Finally, a hopeful one.
• “You Could Be Happy”- Snow Patrol.  A friend said this was “on repeat forever.”
• “Song for the Dumped”- Ben Folds.  Self-explanatory.
• “Miss Independent”- Kelly Clarkson.  Now that you’re single, here is your anthem.
• “Best Thing I Never Had”- Beyoncé.  Because Beyoncé is always there to pick you up when you’re down.  Let’s be real.  Similarly, “Single Ladies.”  Because…duh.