The Fix

It’s a drug. It may not be marijuana or ecstasy or moonrocks acid Robitussin heroin meth, but it is most definitely a drug. You can’t buy it on the street; you can’t put it in your pocket. You can’t eat, snort, smell, shoot, or smoke it. You can’t pass it in a circle or offer some to your friends. You can’t even touch it. But when it starts, there’s no stopping it. It’s the taste that gets you going. The want need desire to find more. But I couldn’t even tell you where to find it if I tried.

Walking down the streets, no one knows your secret. You think about it on your way to class, watching the slide change and change, lights flashing, numbers words and pictures constantly written, but this never stops the need for a fix. The thing itself is innocuous, enjoyable when consumed in moderation. That’s how it is for most, anyway. A healthy dosage can be enough to make you satisfied. Enough so that you don’t have to get out of your seat during class because the thought of sitting in class while you learn about price points and net present value isn’t too much for you to handle while thinking about it. Enough so that you don’t miss the punch line to the joke your friend tells you on the walk home, or that you don’t have to re-read that page another five times to understand that it’s just a housing contract.

In most cases, you’re fine. It’s when you have the taste of that one type that sets you off. It’s different for everyone, which is what makes it so potent. Even if I tried to let you have a taste of mine, you wouldn’t understand. A drug so powerful that it changes your life. Ideals that you once held are now turned upside down inside out and thrown across the yard. The approach to your goals that you’ve stuck with forever are suddenly reevaluated. Then it becomes what you think, smell, taste, dance, carry with you everywhere and always because you can’t get enough. The all consuming nature can be tragically euphoric. Your whole world is changed. Colors brighter and darker at the same time, music playing to the beat of the influence. People staring because they don’t understand but it doesn’t even matter because what matters is that you have it.

It’s everywhere, in the air, water, sunlight, laughter and tears. It’s the drive from the tragedy you just witnessed, the inspiration for a life changing endeavor, the song that made you understand why they did that to you. It’s in everyone, but its finding that one spec out of a million that makes the change. It’s an unexplained desire to be consumed by it, and devote every waking moment you have to making sure that you have more of it ; live it ; breath it; taste smell and feel it between your fingers.

Have you found yours?