Undeniably a Type A

There are many things about me which could easily be used to define or explain who I am to a complete stranger. I am a 5’7” social liberal, fiscal conservative ginger studying electrical engineering and vocal performance. I am a townie turned student who never even considered a college other than Michigan, or that it might be a bad idea to pursue two unrelated majors. I am President of UMGASS and member of Eta Kappa Nu (HKN) who works 2 jobs in order to afford tuition, my accompanist and tickets to shows which I desperately wish to see. But more generally, I am undeniably a Type A.

Don’t believe me? Every moment of my day from 8:30 am – 10 pm is scheduled on my Google Calendar, including my 30 minute lunch break which doubles with memorization work. I carry a 5” notebook which I call “my little book of stress” everywhere in which I have a running to do list of everything that I need to get done. Unread emails (even in friends’ inboxes) stress me out and I am so afraid of being 5 minutes late to a meeting that often I will show up 20 – 30 minutes early.

The best part about being a Type A is that I know how to get things done. If given a deadline I will meet that deadline and will fulfill all the requirements of the task. The worst part is constantly fearing that I am not doing enough to secure a future for myself in my chosen career paths. This fear results in a “fire in my belly” that drives me to fight for what I most desperately want. In both music and engineering I believe I have found past success because of this drive.

When I first entered the music school, I asked my voice teacher what were the worst qualities about Alexandria as a performer. Without giving a blunt and demoralizing answer, she hinted that there were three issues which I and many members of my class needed to resolve in order to have a chance at a career in music:

1. Vocal Technique (get some).
2. Diction (learn them).
3. Resume (land some roles!)

Over the past 5 semesters I have worked tirelessly to fix the above issues in true Type A fashion. Vocally, I have practiced at least 1 hour daily, recording issues in a practice log and rewatching my voice lessons (I record them all for later viewing), noting what worked and what didn’t. I have taught myself IPA, taken the offered diction classes and spend at least 15 minutes a day on Duolingo refreshing my German and teaching myself Italian. Additionally, I have performed in 7 operas & operettas, 5 musicals & straight plays, 3 short films and numerous opera scenes & concerts.

So when I yet again questioned my voice teacher about what I need to fix about Alexandria the performer, I was surprised and confused by her answer. Rather than spouting a list of tasks to accomplish, I was informed that what has propelled me to success is now my biggest weakness. That the little voice in my head which has pushed me to success out of fear of failure, can be seen on my face when I perform. That my internal critique can be sensed by those in the audience and that my fear of failure insinuates to them that failure is imminent.

The concept of shutting down the voice inside my head was something so foreign to me that I had no idea how to begin this process, yet alone complete something which seemed so complex. Yet, my Professor (as always) had the answer: Don’t think, just sing.

While I will always be a Type A, I am now learning how to moderate when to let my drive for success into my head and when to forget my technique and lose myself in the music. It is in those times, singing for the love of music alone, that I know I cannot fail.