Bitterness

People always describe me as bitter and I am not ashamed of that. Bitterness is my motivation. When a person gets confronted by a difficult situation, they become dejected for a time; when they are constantly in this situation, they can become many things: depressed, angry, or shielded amongst others; and finally when one is consistently rejected when they try to fix this situation, then they become bitter. I know what bitterness is because I constantly am in this state. There are so many things in society that are harsh and I can’t ignore them, yet I can’t fix them.

This may sound like I hate it, but I like it. Being bitter makes me realize that society needs to be fixed, even though I can’t do it by myself. On the other hand, I don’t want someone to become who I have become. These two factors cause bitterness to be my motivation. I know that I must do something in order to improve how fucked up society can be. I work, even though I can’t improve my own situation, I work because I want to improve the situations of those that come after me. We currently walk on uneven ground and it is at our behest to look below us to see the path that the past has started for us. They worked hard for us to start this and we must work just as hard in order to improve it. We must stamp it out and flatten so that the ones after us don’t have to trip as hard or as often as we do. I’m not talking about one specific community here. All of us downtrodden and underprivileged should be doing this work. It can be hard and trying, but I don’t want to lead someone down a path that I refused to improve and if I must, I want to carry as many as possible as I can while I walk.

I see my friends in similar situations and I see their optimism and brightness. I not want them to fall and walk this path. I may be happy being bitter and making these improvements, but I know how much nicer it is to be oblivious of the harshness. I want them to be able to live their lives fully and I’m not sure I ever can with this rage that I have. I want to be bitter so that I can see what parts need to be levelled, but I don’t want other to have to experiences the lumps and the painful trips they cause. I have been lucky and my trips have been mostly soft, but even those have lasting effects. I do not want others to go through that, or, even worse, fall harder than I have. I want my friends to not have to walk on this exhausting path and I don’t want the people behind me to walk it either; I want to fix it as much as I can while I’m here.

For those who have already fallen to the path, please help lift up those we can protect and even out the ground for those that come after us. We can’t all do it right now, but at least make it easier and better. We can’t refuse this call to duty, lest we fail those that count on us the most. You can remain bitter and wear that as a badge of pride. Work with me and fix what we see needs to be fixed while we are here.