Will rain ever be as romantic as in the movies?

The rain falls on her dark hair, runs down the sides of her beautiful face and drips down from her chin onto her warm bosom. You lose yourself in her eyes and you see that she is lost in yours. The cool drops seem to pull you toward her until her slow breath tickles your lips and then… you kiss her. And just like the rain, you fall and you just keep falling. Falling in love, falling for this girl, who twists your world upside down.

That is how rain works right? Or does it? If I recall correctly, nothing in my life has ever even come close to being as romantic as this scene. I don’t know about you but my first kisses usually involve sweaty hands, a mutual feeling of insecurity and just a bit of awkwardness. Just imagine rain adding to these already miserable circumstances. I often ask myself why rain is portrayed so differently in the movies. Not only when it comes to romance, but in general. Let’s look at some examples, shall we?

Spiderman Upside Down Kiss

This one is a classic. In the 2002 version, Spiderman’s sweetheart, Mary Jane, is attacked by thugs in a dark alleyway. Spiderman hesitates at first, because he doesn’t have his spider mask, but eventually comes to the rescue. After Spiderman has retrieved his mask and suspended himself upside down from one of his spider strings, Mary Jane, portrayed by Kirsten Dunst, kisses him romantically in the rain.

Have you ever imagined what would happen if you helped out a lady getting attacked by four thugs in a dark alleyway? Exactly. You wouldn’t do it in the first place. You would hide, call the cops and leave the scene before things get icky.
Let’s say, however, you actually mustered the courage to attack the thugs and let’s assume, through some kind of miracle, you actually defeated them. Would there be a romantic kiss? The rain is freezing and alleyways are usually rather windy. Also, there are four unconscious men lying on the ground and the smell of the garbage cans you knocked over in the process of fighting the attackers slowly but surely takes over the alleyway. You look up the  buildings surrounding you and realize that kids are pointing their video cameras at you… That’s just a mood killer!

I vote: Wouldn’t be as romantic in real life!

Friends Before The Battle

In Peter Jackson’s epic milestone of a trilogy, the Lord of the Rings, the battle of Helms Deep is the climax of the second movie. Not only men are trying to hold back the evil powers of Isengard, but also Elves and a Dwarf. Although Elves and Dwarves tend to dislike each other due to their complicated past, Legolas and Gimli bury the hatchet right before joining the second most epic battle in movie history. Just before they confess their liking for each other, rain starts pouring down on them. They look at each other in a way that says nothing but “I love you”.

Obviously, it doesn’t make any sense to imagine being in the exact situation described above. Think of it more like bros confessing their love for each other before a massive change in their lives. I’m not going to lie here: I did confess my love to my best bros. A couple of times. If you have done the same for your best bro or best brosephine, then you probably know that standing in the rain would significantly  decrease your level of perceived intoxication, meaning you probably wouldn’t end up confessing your love at all. Not only doesn’t rain not improve this situation, it even prevents it from happening.

I vote: Wouldn’t be as bromantic in real life!

One thing that one can notice about movies, is the fact that there is always music in the background making funny scenes more funny, melodramatic scenes more melodramatic and crazy scenes more crazy. Turns out that doesn’t work in real life. Every time I got romantic with someone and started humming a mellow song, they started laughing… at me. I do not recommend you trying that.

So what does all of this tell us about movies: That they are a lie? That they are unrealistic? That they sell us standards no one will ever be able to live up to? We can answer the first two questions with a clear and easy “Yes!”. I think I have proved that extensively here. Answering the third question, however, is a bit more tricky and I shall address it in a detailed manner next week. If I want you guys to take anything away from this text, it is: Don’t think rain will improve anything in your real life, unless you’re a farmer!

PS: Remember to be as weird as you can possibly be.