S3 Scribble #4: Closer to Fine

“And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains, I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains,”

It’s the first of November of my senior year. “What’s next?” I’ve been asked, and the truth is, I’m not quite sure. I just submitted yet another application that may or may not determine the course of my future, and I’ve been riddled with self-doubt (which is surprising and disorienting, because I tend to be confident and decently sure of myself). Accepting the fact that there are many things out of my control at the moment is a challenge. Even without the self-doubt and the other responsibilities that school and life entail, the fact that I don’t have any idea what my life will be like in just one year from now is something I must grapple with constantly.

“There’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line.”

But, really, must I grapple with it? The Indigo Girls’ “Closer to Fine” reminds me that in order to be happy, I need to let go of the unknown. I can try my best to prepare myself for the future, but knowing what will happen is simply impossible. Therefore, the best I can do is let myself enjoy where I am now and enjoy where life takes me. I don’t need to grapple – I need to accept that there are unknowable things, and then I need to let them go. 

“And the less I seek my source for some definitive,”

When one door closes, another door opens, and, so far, things have worked out. Maybe not in the way that I had hoped or anticipated that they would, but things have worked out nonetheless. It is not my job to worry about what is beyond my control. It’s my job to take advantage of opportunities – and create opportunities – for myself. It’s my job to enjoy the ride.

“Closer I am to fine.”

Listen to Closer to Fine by The Indigo Girls here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HWV5hq4Bh8