wander! the diary #2

hello! hope everyone is doing okay this week.

this week’s diary sketch (◡̈ ):

this week’s diary entry（˶′◡‵˶）:

i was reflecting on things like nostalgia and girlhood recently, and was reminded of Look Back. it’s a movie adaptation of the one-shot manga by Tatsuki Fujimoto, which I watched last summer with a few friends in Michigan Theater. without getting into spoilers (but be warned if you’re planning on watching it!), the movie follows the relationship of two very different girls, Fujino and Kyomoto, from childhood to young adulthood, who bond over their shared passion for drawing manga. their relationship is marked by competition, idolization, and pride, but also love. art is simultaneously what made and broke their relationship. i would not call the story a particularly joyful one, but i would call it a beautiful one—i found myself deeply touched by it.

aside from the beautiful animation, it brought back memories of my own childhood friendships and the power of art as a source of passion and bonding. i started drawing in middle school, inspired by one of my closest friends at the time. it was an exciting hobby, something i could obsess at getting better at. i ended up becoming deeply close with her—holding hands, dreaming that we’d attend art school together, and live together after. in other words, she was probably my first love.

but by my later years of high school, my love for art had gone through a consistent cycle of waxing and waning (though more the latter). i still enjoyed it, but i had less passion for it, spending weeks on end without touching my sketchbook. our collective fantasy of pursuing art as our lifelong careers silently fell through; simultaneously, it felt like our bond grew less deep. after graduating, we ended up attending different universities, halfway across the country. while we stayed in touch, our friendship drifted from the simple innocence and sweetness that it used to have. part of that is inevitable in the process of maturing and changing (especially so far away from each other), but i couldn’t help but miss what we used to have.

recently, she told me that she doesn’t find joy in drawing anymore. i found myself oddly upset after reading her text, like a sense of grieving in my chest, another reminder of how much we’ve changed and the past dreams that had fallen through.

to me, Look Back was about a sort of nostalgic regret, while also being a celebration of art and the artists who have given themselves to their creations. i think artistic creation and the deep bonds we share with others mutually foster each other. and i couldn’t help but see the ways that Fujino and Kyomoto paralleled my own relationships. like theirs, my relationships inevitably lost their innocence, irrevocably changed from their sweet beginnings. like theirs, i’ve had to take steps away from the past in order to look towards a better future. like theirs, some of my bonds have been broken, permanently.

but Look Back also represents girlhood. the two characters held a bond that was both simple and extremely deep. they grew and changed together, leaving a permanent mark within another. they found comfort and joy in each other, and dreamt that they would be together forever. regardless on whether that came to fruition, and how things have ended or changed, i value every love i was ever able to have.

-dai

⊹ ₊ ⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡˚₊‧⁺ ₊ ⊹

weekly recommendations!!

• book: Notes of a Crocodile – Qiu Miaojin
• album: Sister by Sonic Youth
• show/movie: Look Back
• food: shredded chicken bánh mì