Scribble #1: Disorder

“I’ve been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand.”

This week’s Scribble includes lyrics from Disorder by Joy Division, released in 1979, and is inspired by the spirals I tend to get caught in when I spend too much time in my head, something I’ve caught myself doing a few times this week. Lead singer, the late Ian Curtis, once said “All my lyrics are open to interpretation by the individual and imply many different meanings, therefore their relevance is purely subjective.” This makes the lyrics perfect for me to interpret in the way I need them most right now: trying to find my way back to myself in a time of stress and anxiety. 

“Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?”

This is my first semester of college with in-person classes, and, sometimes, balancing schoolwork with my social life isn’t easy. With the stress of midterm exams, the deadlines for papers approaching, the countless clubs that I am a member of (I adore all of them, but they are still commitments!), the pandemic, illnesses, and other conflicts in our community and world, I haven’t quite felt like myself this past week. 

“Lose sensations, spare the insults, leave them for another day.”

Luckily, for every emotion, I am always able to find a song that, while not necessarily alleviating my stress, makes me feel understood. Today, I found catharsis by sitting down, putting on my headphones, playing Disorder on repeat, and leaving the deadlines and stress behind to tap into my creativity and draw for a while. It’s little things like this that help me relax and reconnect with myself.

“”I’ve got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away.”

Having a few off-days has caused me to focus on gratitude, which is one of the most effective tactics that I use to help me feel like myself again. It’s led me to reflect on how grateful I am to be here – at the University of Michigan, in Ann Arbor, learning, making friends, creating art, expressing myself, and being surrounded by people who bring out the best in me. I’m so incredibly fortunate to be somewhere that helps me be my best self, and I am so excited to have the opportunity to share my art, and my emotions, with you. 

Listen to Disorder here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BIElTtN6Fs