Emerge and Conquer, Mole People of Paris!

The tunnels and Catacombs of Paris have served a large range of functions throughout history; the French Resistance hid from their Nazi Occupiers in the depths of the Catacombs, Victor Hugo’s Jean Valjean uses the tunnels to escape from the police and save the life of Marius, and some guy I met while I was studying abroad their named ‘Dave’ got arrested for drinking in them.  Yet, what of the fabled Mole People, who traditionally reside in modern folklore somewhere between freak mutant status and noble under-dwellers?

In case you are unfamiliar with the concept of Mole People (shame on you!), they are a ‘maybe they do exist maybe they don’t’ group of people who live in the tunnels beneath cities, most famously the Mole People of NYC (who do seem to actually exist).  These people are rumored to emerge only at night to gather food and drink, or occasionally to leave a baby on the surface world in the hopes of it leading a non-tunnel existence. Purportedly, these Mole People form ‘tribes’   of sorts, with their own distinct cultures and leaders.  The tunnels and Catacombs of Paris are said to be particularly well adept for Mole People; the Metro and RER would allow them to easily move about the city and Paris’s tunnel system is a labyrinth of mystery, extending all over the city with few openings and no lighting in the vast majority.  I assume the skeletons in the Catacombs are also fun to put clothes on and make into puppets.  It is also inferred that the rats are feasted upon by the Mole People (still beats eating at Arby’s).  In 2004 an underground cinema was discovered, leading many experts in the field of Mole People to think they might have more access to electricity than previously expected.  An unexplained skeleton of a monkey was also found in the tunnels, which could also possibly have associations to the Mole People.

Now, before you get any romantic ideas about abandoning your bourgeois lifestyle, replete with non-rat food options and Tetanus-free furniture, to join the Mole People, I will remind you that (if they exist) the Mole People are almost certainly nothing like the Phantom of the Opera.  When I was in high school my family visited Paris for a couple of days and my mom insisted that we go on the glamorous and famous sewer tour because art museums are for wussies.  On the tour I saw no signs of Mole People or candelabras, only feces.  If you expect to penetrate their secretive clan you will face more obstacles than simply the law.  But if you do manage to reach our underground brethren, please bid them welcome tidings from the surface world.

This is Misleading

This is more accurate