I was recently at a party where the subject of man-cuddling was brought up and became a point of debate. A friend of mine made it clear that he was afraid, for allegedly unknown reasons, of cuddling with another dude, and everyone else (most of whom were girls), naturally tried to pick apart why he felt this way. What could cause a fear so limiting as that of man-cuddling?
There is the obvious gut assumption made by many a Women’s Studies students that his masculinity must be so precariously balanced as part of his self-identity that he cannot indulge in the finer things in life. Buddy cuddles are such an integral part of any deep relationship that I cannot imagine what it must be like to deprive oneself of that. It became clear rather quickly that this did not explain his apparent phobia of the cuddles, however. The “fragile masculinity” explanation seems pretty extreme (I’m a Women’s Studies minor and even I think it sounds a little radical) and doesn’t usually translate well to the average Joe who doesn’t want to snuggle up with his best bro. So what is it? Why does my friend have real fears about hitting the cuddle couch with his friends?
Has he never experienced the glory of laying back and relaxing with his best dudes? Nope. He has in fact had perfectly fine cuddle sessions in his past, always with some dude named Ben, and never with any traumatizing side-effects. We can cross aversion off the list, along with any worries about finding out a deeply buried sexual preference, which he explained rather eloquently using a very specific and very vivid stand-up bit performed by Louis C.K. (if you want to watch it you should probably go seek it out yourself, and maybe turn on safe search while you’re at it). We were able to conclude that his fear was in no way the result of any past experience or prospective future experience.
At this point we were at a loss. None of us could see any reason why my friend should be afraid of being a cuddle bug, and neither could he. Perhaps some of it is rooted in his idea of what it means to be a man of his specific point of identity – his ideas of man-cuddling from the perspective of a straight male could differ from those who identify as LGBTQ. Or perhaps his views on cuddling are truly unique and dudes everywhere are settling down with a nice blanket and their best guy friend as we speak. We may never know, because we don’t really talk about dudes cuddling. We don’t really talk about cuddling in general, as if it’s not the most spectacularly comfy experience in the world (even when your arm is falling asleep and your neck is forming a kink from being at a weird angle). Maybe the solution is to bring cuddly conversation into our daily lives. When did physical contact become such a taboo talking point?
I have no idea why or if this is important, but I do know one thing. I am about to go cuddle with my roommate, and you all probably should, too.
