Sydney Braun – Page 4

S3 Scribble #6: Underneath

November 15, 2023November 16, 2023 Sydney Braun Leave a comment

“There is no difference in what we’re doing in here,”

I’m in the home stretch of the semester. Lots of final papers, exams, and projects are coming up, but in the back of my mind, I know that there is a month of rest waiting for me once I complete them. I haven’t spent much time at home in the past year, and I’m looking forward to being able to have more than a few days at home for my upcoming winter break.

“That doesn’t show up as bigger symptoms out there.”

Today, my mom bought Alanis Morissette tickets so we can go to her concert together this summer. Music has always been something that my mom and I have bonded over, and even though the concert is over six months away, I am very excited for it and grateful that my mom is as well. This inspired me to listen to Alanis Morissette on my walk to class today, and I was reminded of how her music makes me feel so understood. Right now, the song “Underneath” resonated with me because of its emphasis on the need to heal yourself before you are able to most effectively extend that healing outward.

“So why spend all our time dressing our bandages?”

This past year, I’ve learned something very important: in order to do my best externally, I have to feel good internally. This internal healing can happen through many activities: recharging alone, going on a run, spending time with friends, journaling, calling my loved ones, going to therapy, and more. For me, it’s been a combination of things, but as I gear up to finish the Fall 2023 semester, I feel great inside – I feel satisfied, hopeful, and capable. Of course, I occasionally feel doubt, anxiety, and unease. This is natural, and I now know that these feelings are not permanent and never are. As I keep working on myself and my inner mentality, I am confident that my strength, courage, and positivity will continue to see me through.

“When we’ve the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath.”

Listen to Underneath by Alanis Morissette here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVfz74FayzM

S3 Scribble #5: Metal Water Wood

November 9, 2023November 9, 2023 Sydney Braun Leave a comment

“I feel like an imposter should,”

Recently, I’ve been planning out my final semester of my undergraduate education. It’s been stressful, as future planning and class registration tend to be. This time, though, I’m searching for an internship. Going into my target career field of sustainability is an exciting prospect, but I’ve been experiencing some imposter syndrome. I may be just over a semester away from graduating with my bachelor’s degree, but I can’t help but worry that I am unprepared for the real world.

“As you shape-shift through the Earth.”

These past few weeks, I’ve talked and met with many professionals and academics who I have viewed as my superiors. Somehow, these interactions have been overwhelmingly positive, and they give me a renewed faith in myself, my passion, and my knowledge. I need to remember these feelings when imposter syndrome and anxiety try to creep in. These may be uncomfortable feelings, but that is all they are: uncomfortable. I know that I am stronger than my fears.

“You knew me as fire; you have always been metal, water, wood,”

When it comes to the elements, I’ve always viewed myself as fire. Passionate, loud, and not afraid to speak up. This is funny, considering I’m a Leo, one of the fire signs, even funnier because this had no influence on me seeing myself as a fiery person. However, right now is a time of such growth and change for me, and I think it has become time for me to move forward more like water: relaxed, flexible, and gentle, but equally as powerful as fire.

“Be like water.”

My dad said this to me this past weekend: “be like water; stay water.” Flow freely, allow myself to be flexible with the waves and the tides of life. Do not stay rigid. Things change, and I must be able to adjust along with them. This conversation reminded me of a song I love by one of my favorite artists, Tori Amos, from her environmentally-focused album Ocean to Ocean. How fitting! Listening to this song has energized me: I have all the strength I need, and it’s been inside of me all along. Now to start my journey of being like water: remaining flexible through it all.

“You tell me, ‘Be like water.’”

Listen to Metal Water Wood by Tori Amos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryrnE4nYNYk

S3 Scribble #4: Closer to Fine

November 1, 2023November 1, 2023 Sydney Braun 1 Comment

“And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains, I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains,”

It’s the first of November of my senior year. “What’s next?” I’ve been asked, and the truth is, I’m not quite sure. I just submitted yet another application that may or may not determine the course of my future, and I’ve been riddled with self-doubt (which is surprising and disorienting, because I tend to be confident and decently sure of myself). Accepting the fact that there are many things out of my control at the moment is a challenge. Even without the self-doubt and the other responsibilities that school and life entail, the fact that I don’t have any idea what my life will be like in just one year from now is something I must grapple with constantly.

“There’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line.”

But, really, must I grapple with it? The Indigo Girls’ “Closer to Fine” reminds me that in order to be happy, I need to let go of the unknown. I can try my best to prepare myself for the future, but knowing what will happen is simply impossible. Therefore, the best I can do is let myself enjoy where I am now and enjoy where life takes me. I don’t need to grapple – I need to accept that there are unknowable things, and then I need to let them go.

“And the less I seek my source for some definitive,”

When one door closes, another door opens, and, so far, things have worked out. Maybe not in the way that I had hoped or anticipated that they would, but things have worked out nonetheless. It is not my job to worry about what is beyond my control. It’s my job to take advantage of opportunities – and create opportunities – for myself. It’s my job to enjoy the ride.

“Closer I am to fine.”

Listen to Closer to Fine by The Indigo Girls here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HWV5hq4Bh8

S3 Scribble #3: Jubilee Street

October 18, 2023October 18, 2023 Sydney Braun Leave a comment

“I am alone now, I am beyond recriminations,”

Fall Break was a wonderful staycation spent with friends as well as with my brother, who is now a freshman at the University of Michigan. Most notably, I went with my brother to see Nick Cave in concert at the Masonic Temple Theater in Detroit. In summer 2020, which I spent at home due to the pandemic, my love for Nick Cave’s music and friendship with other fans was a very bright spot in otherwise dark times. I became a superfan, and my family was dragged along for the ride by virtue of proximity.

“Curtains are shut, the furniture is gone.”

Seeing Nick Cave perform (and perform many of my favorite songs) live seemed like a full-circle moment for me. “Jubilee Street” is one of my favorite songs of all time (I encourage any music-lover to check out the “Live in Copenhagen” version of the song) and hearing it being performed live in front of me as I watched Nick Cave play the piano was surreal. There he was, the artist who creatively inspired me during some of the most hopeless days I can remember, right in front of me, this time under completely different circumstances. He was not wearing a mask; neither was I. I became a fan of his in high school and now I am in my senior year of college, living away from home yet still fortunate enough to enjoy the show alongside my brother.

“I’m transforming, I’m vibrating, I’m glowing,”

It is fascinating how times change. Scary, yes, and stressful, but reflecting on where I was when I first began listening to Nick Cave and comparing it to where I am now, I am so incredibly impressed by and grateful for how far I’ve come. While I may constantly be hoping for more from my life, I realize that I have plenty of time, and my evolution up until this point is something worth celebrating. After the concert, I had the privilege of meeting Nick Cave himself, and he gave me a hug. I think that healed a piece of me that has been waiting for that moment since 2020. I realized once again how his music makes me feel like everything is going to be alright, as I know it will be. I think I may need to incorporate more Nick Cave into my life again, and I will start with this quote from one of my favorite books – his very own “The Sick Bag Song:” “Stop now! Let it go! You are completely enough!”

“I’m flying, look at me now!”

Listen to Jubilee Street by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCGyhMyH2GE

S3 Scribble #2: Malibu

October 11, 2023October 12, 2023 Sydney Braun Leave a comment

“Get well soon, please don’t go any higher.”

I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday! This week has been a busy one, but I’ve set out a plan to get all of my midterms completed and still have some spare time for myself and to spend with my friends. I have some exciting things lined up for Fall Break, and knowing I have a fun-filled long weekend quickly approaching makes working hard on my midterms a lot easier. I’ve gotten some big assignments off my plate and still have several coming up, but I’m trying to appreciate them while I have them… in less than two semesters, I’ll be graduating.

“How are you so burnt when you’re barely on fire?”

The song for this week is “Malibu” by Hole; recently, I’ve found Hole’s music to be especially good to listen to on my runs and to pump me up and give me energy. It’s especially useful after long days of classes and powering me on my walk to class the next day after staying up late to do homework and setting time aside to socialize. Luckily, the classes that I am taking this semester are very interesting to me and the midterm assignments that I have are essays and projects where I am able to be creative. Still, focusing so heavily on schoolwork recently has left me feeling out-of-balance.

“Cry to the angels, I’m gonna rescue you.”

Midterms always seem to take about three weeks instead of one, and this year is no different. Having two extra days off for Fall Break this coming weekend is going to be very rejuvenating! I’m excited to see what my essays and projects end up looking like and everything I learn in the process of completing them. I also enjoy the idea of – very soon – restoring balance to my life, but until that moment comes, I am going to do my best to appreciate where I am. Hard work and a positive attitude will help me thrive!

“I’m gonna set you free tonight, baby, pour over me.”

Listen to Malibu by Hole here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee1WB80wB1I

S3 Scribble #1: Cloudbusting

October 4, 2023October 11, 2023 Sydney Braun Leave a comment

“But every time it rains, you’re here in my head,”

I am thrilled to be back to blogging here after a semester abroad in Berlin and a work-filled summer, presenting Season Three of Song Scribbles! As I look back on my final post before leaving for Berlin, I notice how I don’t even remember feeling the anxiety I describe. This is a good lesson for me: nothing lasts forever, and, sometimes, that’s a good thing. My experience in Berlin was fantastic, and I miss being there a lot. That being said, it’s nice to be back in Ann Arbor with all of my friends as I finish out my final two semesters of college. I can’t believe it’s October already. My midterms are coming up quickly, and I am starting to feel burned out… Fall Break always comes at a good time!

“Like the sun coming out,”

This week’s song is “Cloudbusting” by Kate Bush – a song I had on repeat this summer, and a song that always reminds me that everything is going to be okay. After a particularly stressful week, I appreciate this song even more than usual. Whether listening to it while driving or while walking across the Diag to class, It never fails to cheer me up and put me in a hopeful mood. It is the perfect song for me to use to kick off this new season of Song Scribbles!

“I just know that something good is gonna happen,”

I’m very excited for what the rest of my senior year will hold, and I am thrilled to be able to share it here through my Scribbles again. Regardless of the stress of midterms, I know I will make it through and thrive, just like I always do. With help from some great songs that keep me in touch with my emotions, I plan to embrace every feeling that comes my way. I never know what may be just around the corner.

“I don’t know when, but just saying it could even make it happen.”

Listen to Cloudbusting by Kate Bush here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WataeV4WsI4