Do Tell

This past Thursday night, the Literati bookstore put together a Word of Mouth event. The basement of Literati was a pleasant place to be on a chilly fall night: softly lit, full to the brim of cheerful storytellers and spectators, and stocked with apple cider and a cheese plate (important).The theme of the night was ‘great expectations,’ and the format was randomized: people who wished to tell a story wrote their names on slips of paper and submitted them to an authoritative black hat, from which they were randomly drawn and announced by an animated master of ceremonies. The storytellers seemed to be nervous at first, but the audience generated a reassuring atmosphere of respectful engagement, and laughter or groans greeted stories of unfulfilled or confounded expectations. One performer told us how he was duped out of his money in a bizarre smuggling scheme in India; another engaged us in her high school game of ding-dong ditch gone wrong in the Upper Peninsula (in an adorable UP accent); and yet another explained how he managed to spill coffee on Justin Timberlake. In the warm glow of the dimmed lights, we absorbed these stories as confidence and performance, as entertainment and art.

I recognized a surprising number of people at the event, mostly from my experiences living in the Residential College and cooperative houses, but every story I heard was new to me. I thought about how stories gradually surface over the course of a relationship, about how we generally don’t hear the stories of an acquaintance all at once, but rather gradually, and in proportion to the building of trust and friendship. We’re often nervous to casually give up something so important to us – the turning point of a childhood, the insane coincidence, the hospital stay, the religious experience – because we’re afraid that we’ll fail to capture our audience’s attention, suffering rejection in a change of subject, or because we’re afraid of what comes afterwards: the change in perception, the return in confidence, the intimacy. These stories both require real attention, and carry subsequent baggage.

I love personal story-telling as a performance because it’s both high and low stakes. When we call what often happens casually, between two people, a ‘performance’ we expect both more and less. The story needs to be more interesting, engaging, and Worthy of Our Time when we don’t know the person telling it. But along with these raised expectations, there is no conversation, no expectation of a demonstrated response, no consequential familiarity or relationship-building. It’s less personal, but the one-sidedness of a storytelling performance really frees both the audience and the performer to get lost in a story – to just talk, to just listen.

Thursday night at Literati, a storyteller named Noah explained how disappointed he was by his childhood purchase of ‘sea monkeys,’ the novelty aquarium pets that are in actuality little more than squirming specks but which, he explained ruefully, he had expected to grow up into sentient, playful beings. I’ve heard people complain about their sea monkey experiences before, but as he told his story, Noah did much more than complain about a crappy product. He explained how he had thought of himself as a scientist like Jane Goodall, how he kept a journal of his pets’ nonexistant activities, how he tore off bits of an eraser and threw them in the tank, hoping the unresponsive crustaceans would play with them. As I listened to Noah’s story, I remembered how ridiculous and weird existence could sometimes seem to the serious child with serious expectations, learning about the world’s chaos. As it turns out, almost all stories about ‘great expectations’ sooner or later introduce chaos – even the storyteller whose expectations had been fulfilled by a great night in Ithaca emphasized how crazy, how chaotic it was that his plans had been successful. What are the chances?

The show was over sooner than I wanted it to be, my sister wanted to go home, and I had to do homework. Still I lingered outside, saying friendly goodbyes to familiar faces, thinking about expectations.

Little Boy Done Grown Up, Little Voice Done Blown Up

Last week I began my endeavor to report on the young Chicago Hip Hop scene that has every music blogger salivating. I apologize for thinking that I could undertake this effort with only one post about Chance The Rapper (the group’s forerunner) and so I reviewed his latest production Acid Rap thinking that would be enough. But, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also shed light onto Chance’s first ever collection of tracks: 10 Day, which he birthed during a ten day suspension from high school. As these fourteen tracks are more creative, musical and substantive than most contemporary mainstream professional rappers’ albums, I’m going to repeat that Chance made it on a suspension from High School. As in he was barely the legal age to vote. As in barely an adult. As in the same age when my biggest accomplishment to date was getting runner-up in a state Mock Trial competition.

10 Day is more musical than Acid Rap— more influenced by jazz trumpets and keyboard melodies– and channels “A Tribe Called Quest” vibe more so than the College Dropout-esque sound of Chance’s more recent releases. Granted, there are obvious signs that this is an artists’ debut work; there are plenty of awkward lyrics, ill-timed flows and amateur features. That happens the first time anyone makes music. However, we must set 10 Day apart from most other mixtapes for a number of reasons, beginning with its production. I am so enchanted by Chance’s music, and his cohort of Save Money members, because they are all such talented musicians. It is so overwhelmingly clear that his production artists (including Chuck Inglish, Cam and the Blended Babies) are all trained and educated musicians. Kids These Days– the first combination of young Chi-town musical geniuses that led to much of the solo work today– matched live jazz and soul instrumentation with Vic Mensa and Chance’s raps, and created a sound dependent on musical composition. Not to say that mainstream Hip Hop producers are not musically educated, but it makes a clear difference that the sound Chance, Vic and co. create is indicative of a dedication to and reverence for a certain style of music. Thus, almost every single one of Chance’s songs is unbelievably aesthetically pleasing. There are no abrasive beats, harsh voice-over bombs or overly artificial instrumentals. In 10 Day, Chance also includes samples from Dead Prez and Notorious BIG, (intimidating acts to borrow from) but does so effortlessly and simply. The effect is a mixtape that establishes Chance’s expertise in production and pretty raps.

Amazingly, he does not disappoint lyrically either. To create such complex and imaginative lyrics at such a young age is no small feat, and further proves that this is an artist with some training. While he treats a few of these tracks as a (sometimes jokingly) middle finger to the school that suspended him, he also makes a number of perceptive and astute comments about his school’s disciplinary measures and his neighborhood. Furthermore, he interweaves a steady stream of social commentary, primarily about issues facing him and his peers, throughout the tracks. To do this, he displays his impressive ability to alternate between singing and rapping; for instance, on the track “Missing You” (which samples Dead Prez’s famous “Hip Hop”) Chance begins with a continuous verse rapped in a low, soft and aggressive voice I’ve only heard on this track. He goes in and only stops for quick breaths, with lines like “But these young gunners ain’t nothing but young stunners” and ends the verse with a captivating four lines,

“Brown boys are dying and none of ‘em were for business

And all of ‘em love they mommas and all of they mommas miss ‘em

And this shit is stupid this shit is fucking senseless

The news shouldn’t support it this shit is getting expensive.”

Chance wrote this song to cope with the loss of his friend who was killed in Chicago. What a high level of thinking for a teenager coping with the enormous problems and challenges of youth violence; he is able to look introspectively at the situation in a rational and mature way, and express his thoughts through artwork. In my opinion, that is beyond impressive. To top it all off, as soon as he pulls out of this intense rap, he transitions straight into singing his own bridge. Not too many artists (let alone 18 year olds) can do that.

To be sure, 10 Day is no Acid Rap. It is not on the same level of cohesion, featuring artists and lyrical mastery. It is however, a powerful and impactful collection of songs that is essential in understanding Chance’s background and musical origins. It is as enjoyable to listen to, and is an inspiring indication of where Chance will go in the future.

Chance\’s Hey Ma

Ups and Downs: Long-distance relationships depicted through performance art

“I miss you,” says the woman. “I think we missed our floor,” the man responds. They both speak in frustrated tones. Blinking on the tops of their closed eyelids is a projected video recording of their open eyes. Although their audience comes and goes, they remain — standing in their restricted space, close enough to touch, yet as far apart as two people can be.

An elevator may be the last place one would expect to find art, but this is the setting in which University of Michigan MFA student, Ann Bartges, has chosen to stage her piece, Remote Connection: Performance for Elevator. She and her husband, Jesse Potts, are the performers. They face each other, both wearing a projection instrument on their heads and repeating their script, which is composed of extracts from their long-distance relationship, for three hours as they are carried from floor to floor.

“Distance has invited technology into my closest relationships,” Bartges begins when explaining her inspiration in creating this piece. “From my home in Ann Arbor, I live my friendships and marriage from my computer, relying on video chat, email, and social media to keep these loved ones present in my life,” she says, “Through my artwork, I examine the human presence of mediated connection.”

This human presence may be difficult for a viewer to understand at first glance. After all, it is more than a little shocking when one’s expectations of an uneventful elevator ride are interrupted by two people with machines attached to their heads. But after some time observing the performance, it becomes clear that they are still people, no matter what projected masks haunt their faces. When one listens to their words and the often exasperated tones by which they are spoken and sees the revelatory pained muscle ticks which accompany them, s/he is able to understand the significance of this work.

“Because the piece takes place in an elevator, there are times when we have an audience and times when we do not,” she says. “We continue the performance regardless. I can’t see people when they enter or leave, but I can hear them and because the space of the elevator is so small, I can feel the body heat of a larger crowd. However, I cannot perceive their interest or response. Whether or not we have an audience, I try to maintain my focus on the potential for a connection with Jesse.” They are connecting through their shared frustration — both holding the desire to communicate intimately, regardless of the distance between them. It is a beautifully created, yet disturbing depiction of the trials that any relationship faces when challenged by distance and the inadequacy of technological communication.

“I am very interested in the significance of a fleeting moment,” Bartges says, “lasting perhaps seconds, but living on in memory for years. Live performance suits that fascination, itself an event that the viewer only has physical access to in the present moments of the piece.” She echos this idea in her work, because although three hours may seem like forever for the performers; for them and primarily for the viewers, the experience is very much temporary. It is a fleeting moment in life — it may reflect a reality, people my gawk, their projected masks may illuminate deeper truths, but after these hours, months, years, etc., it will come to an end. They will exit the elevator and reenter their lives. Eventually, instead of traveling up and down, trapped in the limbo of time and distance, they will power off their head apparatuses and travel forward.

1 Bartges_Remote Connection

Ann Bartges (right) and her husband, Jesse Potts, perform Remote Connection: Performance for Elevator. Photo credit: Juliet Hinely.

Let’s Get Cereal

If I’m an expert on one thing, it’s cereal. I never tire of the endless varieties of a refreshing bowl of cereal. Raised on Kix and Honey Smacks, my horizons rapidly expanded as my taste buds ventured into the slightly more mature world of Special K and Apple Jacks. Whether breakfast, lunch, dinner, or often desert, cereal seems to find its way into at least one of my meals every day. Despite the great tastes, my favorite part of the cereal experience is and always has been the box. Every morning as a kid I would scrutinize the box from front to back and even the sides.

Yeah, this was pretty much me.
Yeah, this was pretty much me.

For some reason a cereal box always seemed to contain some of the most interesting and captivating information around, not to mention the games on the back. I wish I could say I’ve grown out of this, but to this day I can’t eat a bowl of cereal without the box in front of me. And why is that? Possibly because cereal boxes are some of the most colorful and artistic things on the shelves at the grocery store. I always get so excited when I turn my cart down this aisle with the perfect lines of boxes and fluorescent colors nearly bounding off the shelves into my cart. The rainbow cereal itself and the gigantic rabbit on the front of the Trix box practically guarantee a plethora of games on the back just waiting for me to partake. Toucan Sam and his rainbow beak offer to take me on a tropical adventure in the Froot Loop world. Sometimes I spend half an hour  trying to pick the perfect cereals for a given week.

They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but a cereal box truly is a work of art that turns me from an ad-skeptic (for let us not forget that the cereal box is not exempt from the influence of the advertising world) to a hungry consumer, ready to get through the maze, find all of the hidden items, or solve whatever riddle awaits me on the back of the box. Cereal box designers have a way of captivating my attention and bringing to life what could be just another dry and boring breakfast food in a box despite the fact that I’m probably too old to be eating Trix (they are for kids).

Cereal Aisle

Maybe I’m wrong, thinking this is art, but when I look at this picture of a cereal aisle, it reminds me a lot of photographer Andreas Gursky’s photography.

Andreas Gursky, 99 Cent, 1999

Gursky has a wide body of work, but this photograph of a 99 cent store captures, in a way, the essence of my love for cereal. It’s so vibrant and colorful, while also maintaining a strict linear order. Something about it just really strikes me, it provides a sense of wildness in the midst of conformity. Art doesn’t have to be complex, it can be as simple as the color red. I like to try to see the art in every day life and there really is art everywhere you look; if you’re like me, this includes the back of a cereal box.

Queasy or Uneasy?

Auditions make me feel queasy. My knees feel weak, my heart pounds and I forget to breathe. I cannot help but assume that I am incompetent and am about to make a fool of myself in front of people that could make or break my future career with one disparaging remark.

Waiting for the results makes me feel queasy. For days (or weeks if the director is particularly cruel) I barrage myself with self deprecating thoughts of what I did wrong and what I could, and should, have done better. I have dreams of receiving positive results which turn into nightmares of the performance; where I am sick, injured and have forgotten all my lines.

If I am cast, I receive a brief respite from the perpetual queasiness. If I am not cast, I allow myself five minutes to be sad, call my mom and dad, and tell myself that I am so much better than the girl that they did choose. Then I am back on my computer seeking out the next audition because if I’m not auditioning or rehearsing for a show I feel very uneasy.

I am a firm believer that as a performance major, students should be performing in at least one show a semester. Surprisingly enough, plenty of students graduate having performed in 1 or 2 productions total. While we learn much from our classes on music theory and history, and the technique we learn in our private lessons is invaluable, I believe that performing is necessary to master our craft.

Many of my friends avoid auditions and performing in shows because they feel that they have not yet mastered their technique, and that more a deserving performer will audition and be cast. Likewise, that they do not want to present themselves to the public before they have mastered their technique. I am very much aware of the deficiencies in my vocal technique, and work daily to improve upon it, but in talking to Master and PhD students who have performed internationally I have realized that none of us have perfect technique.

So while I audition for an unreasonable amount of shows and ride an emotional roller coaster as I wait for the results, I find this to be good training for the life that I plan to live. Here, the stakes are much lower –merely risking my pride when a few years from now a flubbed audition will risk bills becoming unpaid. My technique is not perfect and it never will be, and so perhaps, this perpetual queasiness is all in vain. However, I’ve heard it said that 10,000 hours are required to master anything, so I’m on my way to the next audition.

A letter with no audience

I remember walking up to your house from our van (you lived too far away to walk, but close enough to get inside the car and immediately exit) and staring in your windows hoping that you were there. You always took your time, deliberate in your movement because you deserved it, you earned your mobility and earned our wait, so we listened with bated breath to hear you move about your house and approach us.
Your space was many layers deep. Living room connected by dining room connected by kitchen (where I would ask to wash your dishes–something I’ve always enjoyed) connected to door connected to stairs connected to foyer/solarium/entry connected to storm door connected to dead-bolted door (windows?).  The location of your bedroom perplexed me and although I never had a reason to see it, I always wondered where you slept. There are spaces in your house (did you have a basement?) that I never knew. Your full reality escapes me.
Every time you welcomed me into your arms, your home, and your life I felt safe and loved. This was so important to me as my extended family lived on the other side of the country, and only in your arms did I really feel that family could be created. Family is something you chose, you cultivate, and you grow–and it is through my family’s relationship with you that I learned this and continue to practice this.
I never remember a time when you weren’t 70 years older than me, and from when I was a baby, toddler, adolescent, and now, a young adult, there was always a world separating us from each other. A fact only bridged from what was a regular occurrence to now, or what still was, a rare treat, a rare embrace.
My nuclear family would sit around you in your La-Z-boy chair, which advanced technologically with each visit–from rocking to tilting to, ha, projecting you into motion and across the room. I would sit on the floor and look into the blocked patterns of the carpet, the way the plush would sit, fold, mold to my body and look in the natural light and by lamp. I sat accompanied by American Indian figurines and these clusters grew and grew with time. Although problematically collecting these peoples in your living room, I romanticized my memory of you with your ties to age, history, and the past. Your connection to families–your biological one and your created family, your community–always seemed apparent.
I remember a well. I remember chimes. I remember your grandfather clock that kept the tempo to our talk, I was usually silent, and that lured my father to sleep in the chair diagonal from you. I remember names of your bloodline–always slightly confused because my memory forgot them. I remember the choo-choo trains constructed with candy–Rolo’s stick out to me–and every time you would give my sisters and I a treat, sometimes a Tootsie pop.
One day, growing up, I was dropped off at your house. Our first outing alone. We went to Big Boy, confused as grandmother and grandson–I had hot chocolate, maybe chocolate milk?–while my mom and sisters (and dad?) went to the movies (I still haven’t seen Titanic, and I probably never will). I remember times and events but few details. The details are in the space, my voice is left silent and mysterious.
I was at work when my parents went to visit you for what would be the last time. While I was participating in a dialogue, my parents took a picture that would capture one of your last moments and it will be a picture I cherish. Your frail but very much alive frame.
My memories are notorious for fading. I’m infamously known within my friend groups and ex-lovers as someone who needs reminding. This letter will remind me of you. Wacousta will remind me of you. The way in which I create my family and choose my family will remind me of you. The love I feel will remind me of you.