As university students are swallowed up by impending finals and writer’s block, one marching band freshman wastes his time by compiling exhaustive profiles of all seven cymbal reserves…*
- Hugh Beckham Aport (freshman). The first Hugh on the cymbal line when everyone’s last name is an alphabetical order, though he goes by his middle name, Beckham. Undeclared, but says he wants to study either chemical or mechanical engineering depending on how much the pre-rec courses destroy his will to live. Claims to love chameleons, but he mixed up a picture of a chameleon with that of an iguana, so we have our doubts.
- Marcin Budzinski (sophomore). Computer Science (CS) major. Lives in Detroit and speaks fluent Polish. Only joined band this year after not opting to do it online last year because “My computer is where I code and play games, not cymbals.” Bit of a snarky boi who doesn’t like chicken nuggets.
- Amos Frankiewicz (freshman). Prospective CS major. Currently getting a C in EECS 183 (which he always complains about). That’s about it.
- Franklin Franklin (freshman). Not really sure what this dude wants to study, but I do know he’s obsessed with these stuffed octopi that can be reversed between a happy and a sad/angry face. He currently has upwards of 10 of them and frequently brings them to practice during the regular season. For some reason, he talks about himself in the third person with a dramatic voice. Rumor has it his middle name is also Franklin.
- Hugh Addison “Hal” Lubanski (freshman). Prospective CS major (again). Is without a doubt, the coolest, most impassioned, and most dedicated football fan in the cymbal section and possibly the MMB, the only exception being the Fearless Leader of the band. Proponent of the most requested dining hall tater tots.
- Millicent Polaco (sophomore). Another CS major. Likes to dye her hair and listen to depressing punk music (but not Mr. Brightside). Usually irritated by the awesomeness of people in the section like Hal. Hates stuffed octopi for some ungodly reason. Probably practices witchcraft in her spare time.
- Maren Thomas (freshman). Undeclared freshman in College of Engineering. Hopes to study aerospace. Is one of those people who likes physics and does calculus for fun.
The author of this compendium did not do anything stupid in compiling this list.**
*This is 100,000% fictional.
**Not entirely true. He wrote this list when he should have been studying.***
***As did I.
Happy studying! May you get As on all your final exams and projects!
