Is a flower still a flower if it can’t bloom? If you are that seed sown with doubt & feel that you don’t belong, perhaps you’re a rose in a tulip garden. & if you can’t bloom as they bud with frustration, know that when the tulips wither, you alone will stand tall. - Sappy
Ruler
your posture needs
bone cracking
joint yanking
vertebrate tugging
fixing
nobody will take you
your words
seriously
without a ruler
against your spine
become a tower
burn the bridge
extend your praise to the heavens
for height and highness
stretch past self-obsession
and paused glances
breathe
in the world you call yours
Content warning: Suicide
Dying Ritual
Put on shoes—your best ones–or regular ones; tie them tight for white toes and pink ankles; start walking; walk with purpose, on a time crunch to nowhere; cross the street; watch for cars; don’t trip; remember not to trip; not tripping is important; round the corner at the stop sign; there’s a bird on a wire; don’t stare because that would be rude; keep walking; another turn; do you remember where you’re going; reach the gate; bend your spine; duck beneath; don’t let a car snag your side; up the elevator; press down; top floor; wait a moment; think of nothing in particular; wait some more; the doors shutter open; step onto the roof; find the courage; take a step; remember your shoes are tied; take another step; look at a bird, which could be the old one but isn’t; take a large step; how would one know if it is the same bird; take a larger one; step step step onto the ledge; is anybody watching; watch the bird that hasn’t budged; move an inch, a couple more; how many centimeters is an inch; the wind is cold; breathe a breath; make it good; don’t go slowly; say a prayer; don’t go slowly; don’t look down; but do; should you look down; is that what people do; look down and fall—or don’t; you’ll see it through tomorrow.
PMS Pardon my speech. As a poor, malfunctioning soul, pleasantries might not suffice as I pacify this major s*** of a time. Pre-menstrual symptoms popularly include munchies-- pizza and milk-chocolate-coated strawberries. Problematically, my sanity is progressively missing, so please my satiations and perhaps I might sincerely produce my pretty smile. - Sappy
Content warning: Obsessive compulsive behavior, gore
Washing Ritual
Close the door; lock it for privacy; check again, for privacy; remember to breathe; turn the faucet; let the water pour pour pour into the basin; watch the steam build up; pump the soap; press down one, two, three; like a cloud; scrub the palms and the wrists; the palms again; get the fingers: three, four, five; the frog webs or minor syndactyly—it must be one of the two: three, four, five; dig in the groves and under the fingernails that don’t have dirt under them but maybe they do, they always could: one, two, three, four, five; move to the left hand; one, two, three, four, five; one, two, three, four, five; one, two, three, four—the water should be scalding, just enough to blister, but not enough to regret; scrub hard, scrub very hard; scrape at the holes and the raw patches; rub away the fine lines, the creases, the folds in the flesh; keep going; the blisters will go away in an hour or two—maybe three; another pump: one, two, three; again—the right hand; the left hand; keep going; don’t stop; it burns because it’s working
The night I got stranded in Kyoto, the weeping willows charmed me more than the Sakura. I watched the streets crawl out of bed and join me greet the large crows. My eyes nestled on a fluffy one’s matching winter coat. Led by the screeching subways, I lead the way past the bridge away from a Family Mart’s jingles. The trains filled at 6:40 AM reminded me of the temple night and day with the club. The fleeting city trickled the compartments empty. The stragglers tickled my curiosity. Did they wonder about my journey or did I imposter their lives wandering? I questioned my life cycling in the ptptptptptptptpt of rain towards the fshfshfshfshf of waves. The night ended with falling off a bike hearing opera. The day started with falling asleep. - Sappy
