Reasons I Hate Singing

As part of a Bachelors in Music each Voice Major is required to take diction classes in French, German and Italian. For the first half of the semester the class functions like a normal university course: the rules are presented to the class by the professor, examples are shown, exceptions are noted, with quizzes and a midterm to follow. Following the midterm the class becomes performance based where each student presents two songs or arias in the language which has been studied and is critiqued by their peers and professor.

After I sang in diction yesterday I couldn’t help but think and brood over all the reasons I absolutely hate singing in diction. Being in a snarky mood, this list expanded to a list of reasons I hate singing. Since for the past 7 months I have blogged about all the reasons I love music I felt it was appropriate to share this list.

Reasons I hate singing:

1. Singing before 10 am is nearly impossible. Diction classes starts at 9:30 and somehow I always end up going first.

2. Performing requires so much multitasking. When I focus on my technique I forget to act. When I remember to use my RLC (rapid, late, and clear) consonants I think more about the sounds of the words and less about their meaning. When I think about my breath support I forget about my jaw tension. The list goes on.

3. Everyone expects you to perform for free, or worse, pay a membership fee. Experience and exposure seem to be buzz words in this area. Do my computer engineering friends get asked to design and code websites for experience and exposure? No. They get offered at least $10/hr.

4. Application fees. Any summer program, competition, or school that you want to apply for requires an application fee of at least $35. Once you pay that you have to pay for an accompanist (typically $50 for a total of 20 minutes of their time), transportation to the audition and lodging depending on when and where the audition is being held.

5. Continuous danger of public failure. Get a C on your EECS 280 project? That’s between you and the autograder. Forget your words, sing a wrong note or crack on a high note? Everyone knows and silently judges.

6. There are so many sopranos. For every part I will ever audition for there will be at least 20 other sopranos waiting in line behind me trying for the same part. If there was a class where out of 20 students only one person could get an A and everyone else failed I would avoid that class like the plague, yet I subject myself to the same thing at audition after audition after audition.

7. If I get less than 8 hours of sleep my voice teacher can tell immediately. However, consistent sleep schedules and college do not work well together resulting in a difficult balancing act of sleep and homework.

8. On-stage romance. Playing the romantic lead is no fun when your on-stage love interest has B.O., bad breath or is just someone you don’t get along with. Sometimes it is really hard to suppress the desire to hit them as they go in for the kiss.

9. I spend about 1.5 hours a day locked in a 5′ x 5′ stark white box which passes for a practice room. During that time frustration reigns as perfection is constantly sought but never achieved.

10. As a vocalist my body is my instrument. This means that indulging in vices from yelling to drinking, sleep deprivation to acidic foods directly affects how I sing, limiting and eliminating their presence in my life.

11. Like many performers, I cannot stand the sound of my own voice. This negatively skews my perception of my vocal ability and career potential, resulting in additional unnecessary stress.

12. I want a career in music so badly that I often finding myself giving up other things so that I can work toward that goal. I have lost friendships and ended relationships for music because I couldn’t find the time to do both.

For every reason I hate music and singing there are 10 reasons I could never give it up. Music has become my vice; it is the itch I must scratch and such an integral part of my life that without it, I wouldn’t know who I was or what I was doing with my life. Still, sometimes it feels good to complain.