The Art of Intoxication

Being drunk around one’s family is always a sensitive subject to approach. For most people. their family has not seen them drunk until well after their first time drinking. This is true for me as well, but there is the extra layer of uncomfortableness regarding my drunken self with the rest of my family.  I am gay, and the drunker I get, the gayer I become. Most of my family knows that I’m gay, but how comfortable are they with my expression of my gayness?

I have freely gotten drunk with my family, but there has always been a barrier to protect me. The drunkest I have ever gotten has been at my cousin’s graduation party, but that gave me liberal cousins as a barrier to the rest of my family. I could act as effeminate or “gay” around them and it wouldn’t lead to drama with the rest of family. It was freeing to be able to have this much fun with the rest of may extended family around me. But that is not always the case…

This is something that every queer person has to come to terms with in their life. How queer can I be around my family? They want to be their true selves, everybody wants to be their true selves, but rejection is not something that everyone wants to face. It becomes a very difficult terrain to navigate as one must find their own path to openness with their family. How much is too much for our family to handle?Being completely open is incredibly freeing, but runs the risk of disownment. Where can an individual draw the line?

Even with a completely supportive immediate family, it is hard for me to draw the line. Today was a celebration and I did  not want to get too drunk be cause I did not know if my immediate family could handle how I actually present as a gay man. I had to limit myself in order to not be ostracized at this family event. In the company of extended family it becomes even worse. My extended family disagrees with me on so many political areas, that I’m honestly not sure if they would ever accept me as truly gay. It’s damaging to think that your family would never accept you.

It is hard to navigate openness with the people around you, and it becomes even more difficult when alcohol is involved. I want to drink to forget how my family might not accept me, but the more I drink, the more I reveal myself to my family. This is a part of the gay experience that is so difficult, but cannot be understand by our straight allies. I love my family, but I do not want to love them if they disapprove of me. How do I navigate this and how do I navigate being my true self around them?