Stop Romanticizing Mr. Darcy From Pride & Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice is perhaps one of the most beloved period pieces in pop culture today (see: Pride and Prejudice Zombies) and its main male character and brooding, mysterious, and misunderstood hero, Mr. Darcy, held as the seminole romantic interest in literature. I love this book and movie for many reasons and think it’s perhaps one of the greatest contributions to the English literary canon, but I can’t say that any of them is due to any possible romantic swooning caused by Mr. Darcy. I don’t think he’s a very swoon-worthy romantic hero at all. Mr. Darcy is flawed, still arrogant, and prideful, though his love for Elizabeth outweighs his faults in the end. Here are a few reasons why Mr. Darcy is not swoon-worthy:

There are many instances in which he is not only perceived by Elizabeth as being disagreeable, but actually seems to be quite an insolent and insensitive person. Darcy first comes off as being pompous when Mr. Bingley asks him to dance and suggests Elizabeth as being suitable, to which Darcy responds, “She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”– which, of course suggests that he thinks of himself highly enough to deserve a woman of some elevated standard of beauty. This remark takes place within earshot of Elizabeth– a fact which I’m sure Darcy is fully aware of, because he had to physically turn around, meet her eye, and then exclaim it. This makes the encounter all the more provocative, as it suggests that Darcy was in a high enough standing that he didn’t care if Elizabeth heard him insult her or not. This whole situation takes place before the characters really even know each other and without fully developed motivations toward one another; thus, this is good indication that this is Darcy at his purest state: insensitive, and privileged enough to not have to hide it.

When Darcy does slowly develop feelings for Elizabeth, he is ashamed of himself and even disbelieving in his sinking so low. He justifies himself poorly: “Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?—to congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?” What a hero! For loving her despite her decided inferiority! For admiring her without withholding his offense to her family and connections! Darcy, in this part of the book, is still quite fixed in seeing Elizabeth as being far beneath him; his pride is not so much decreased by his love for Elizabeth so much as it does coexist with it.

By the end of the book, Darcy is no different. There is no indication of his perspectives on class actually shifting. Darcy himself changes very little– it is only our perception of Darcy which changes, making it seem as though he has had a dramatic character arc. In reality, it is our initial biases which have been proven wrong (and by “our”, I mean both Elizabeth and the audience). This is perhaps the brilliance of the novel as a whole– without ever fully changing Mr. Darcy, Austen creates the illusion of change by entirely altering our perception of his character.

Despite all these flaws, I do find Darcy to be a compelling and exciting character– I just don’t think he’s quite as romantic as we cut him out to be. It’s important to recognize that he came from an extremely classicist society and retained his pride in his social station throughout the entire book. He has some very promising qualities– he loves those that are close to him, is extremely loyal, helps his friends at the drop of a hat. But to romanticize him, I think, is a gross misinterpretation of the book.

Low Key Networking

There isn’t an actual academic term for ‘low key networking’. I just coined it myself.

Self-coined-definition of Low Key Networking: forming connections between people; getting them to have an inclination of hanging out with you whilst maintaining a certain amount of respectable or friendly distance; friends/acquaintances feel comfortable in indulging you with their wishes/memories/troubles to you; (this definition can be expanded upon)

This isn’t a how-to. Its more of an explanation for how certain people make friends/connections easily. Its a slow, effortful journey that eventually becomes almost effortless and comes with ease. The most essential part of it is being genuine and sincere in getting to know people, be it friends, colleagues or family.

  1. It starts with the small talk: any friendship begins with the awkward moments you spend grabbing drinks, talking about the weather and how finals are lurking around and such. Personally, I think small talks are fine as long as you selectively small talk with some people (especially new acquaintances) and to understand the balance of small talk and serious talks.
  2. Ask them about their lives: this works like a charm every time. If you’re not much of a small talker you can do this and just listen. People love talking about themselves. Comment on something you noticed about them, from what you’ve noticed they like to the stickers on their laptops. People genuinely like it when you notice something that may not be obvious at first glance. They also take an interest in you afterwards, and they may unconsciously bookmark you in their minds. This is important for later, when you need help and you know you can lean on these connections when you need help/advice you may not have expertise on.
  3. Be sincere: no one likes superficial friends. People can tell when you want something from them, especially if its a favor, money or gains to a position of power. When people do this to me, I straight up ask if they want something from me, because I dislike seeing them trying to see them trying to convince me, or ‘win’ me over if you will. I’d rather help them out sincerely if I sense that they need help. As for close friends, I’m always there for them. I also never disclose my circle of close friends to new friends, in case they think they may be able to gain connections from being close to me. In short, people value unconditional genuine friendships in which both gain deeper connections from hanging out with each other.
  4. Small favors: Ask for small favors from people you want to get closer to. Or do them small favors. This can be from grabbing coffee or helping out with homework. Even handing out a pen when they don’t have one works. Don’t try to over-do it though, because you may come off as trying to impress them just to gain something. Reiteration: be genuine, not fake.
  5. Balance attention: this is tricky but if you’re at big events and a lot of people are trying to talk to you, you have to know how to personally attend to all of them whilst not ignoring others. This skill is something that needs a lot of practice.
  6. Be sincere: Do. Not. Be. Fake. (trust me some people don’t get this memo)
  7. Know yourself: not everyone is intuitive in networking. Understand how you can gain personal connections by knowing what kind of person you are. This is another problem most people encounter, since they don’t understand themselves really well, they do not know how they can improve the way they present themselves, by utilizing their strengths and improving on weaknesses. Thus, they come off as trying too hard or pretending to be something they are not.

My personal take: Gaining friends is easy. However, maintaining a somewhat deep relationship with new-ish friends is harder and requires a decent amount of effort. Rule of thumb is however to be always sincere because people repel from you once they feel like you’re trying too hard. Again, there are no hard or fast rules in general, everything about making friends and networking is intuitive and understanding the aura, vibes and atmosphere you get from the space.

A great read on a relevant topic: “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, find the term ‘Connector’. A connector generally means a person/friend/acquaintance you know who connects you to various other people, an essential person in our social circle(s). Connectors know a lot of people and they genuinely maintain these friendships as well as introduce people to others in their social circle. I self-identify as a partial connector, I only connect people if I deem it mutually beneficial for both of them.

(Image credits: Wall Street Journal)

Winter Indulgences

I think I may have a little bit of a problem. It is located somewhere between my canine and my incisor. I’m talking about my sweet tooth and I believe it may be destroying my life. As any University of Michigan student can attest, the end of the fall semester is a desperate time. Every walk takes a little longer and is a lot damper. Our winter coats weigh us down and make us sweat, even as they protect us from the bitter wind. So, is it any surprise when we are drawn to sweet food like ants to a picnic during these never-ending winter months? We are reaching out for a comfort that a simple calorie count cannot measure. I am not just consuming a piece of chocolate cake. I am floating on a sinful cloud of light frosting on a crumbly, airy structure. And there are more slices waiting for me, cooling under the delicate lights of the dining hall. It makes it so easy to say yes, again and again. It is so easy to allow myself just one more tempting bite. Before, you know it, you have consumed several cookies, many more glasses of hot chocolate, and a stray brownie that simply demanded to be eaten. After all, every bulging waistline can be hidden under another chunky sweater.

Indulging my worst desires is a pleasure in itself. The semester is an exercise in restraint. Can I go out with my friends tonight? No, there is an economics worksheet to be finished. Can I finally read even a page of that book taunting me from my bookshelves? No, I must start on an English paper before my procrastination results in all-night typing session. Every time, I hold myself back, force myself to take a more long-term view. But while a failed midterm can sink a GPA, a brownie is a relatively small failure of self-control.

The night is withering away. The minutes keep ticking towards midnight. The days keep ticking towards the end of the semester. I focus, instead, on something more solid, a small bar of dark chocolate. The only critical decision I have is whether to take small careful bites or feel the whole thing crunch in my mouth. The moment arrives, and I melt with the chocolate until there is nothing left.