Month: February 2021

Hello my children,

Today we will be making a brief overview of the practices of the common garden fairy, known for their slender build and pestering capabilities. Firstly, I would like to clarify that all experiments and theoretical harm to my subjects has all been in the name of science and the development of our understanding of fairy anatomy.

Fairies, not to be confused with pixies or sprites (if you’re looking for greater clarification then you should already have taken field beasts 101) can be distinguished by their strange, animalistic cocooning rituals despite having an above-average humanoid wit. Unlike, say, a caterpillar, fairies go through the process of metamorphosis that will occur multiple times during their lifetime (or so I have been told).

When recovering from a traumatic injury, regrowing a lost limb, or simply to consummate a marital bond, they can magically induce this stasis and lay dormant for a few months up to many years within their cocoons. The process can best be translated into the common word as “waxing”, named after the amber-like waxy material which forms the outside casing of a fairy cocoon.

The common garden fairy is born with wings, but in order to have them grow strong and swift enough to evade human interaction or to outrun any other sort of beast one may find, it is important to remain incased for as long as possible. The longer they consume tree sap the more built they become.

The ideal spot of fairies to set up their cocoon are high, thin trees which are neither thick or spacious enough to support the nesting of birds. While in this cocooning state, fairies are incredibly vulnerable and are easiest to capture and experiment with (which is how I have been able to learn so much of their daily activities).

When creating these cocoons, fairies will attach themselves to the trees and, by molding with the bark and transmuting sap into amber, can form a small, chestnut-like protrusion from the tree. I was lucky enough to have been invited into a fairy colony, and every single tree appears as if it were infected with some sort of pox. I was in awe at how extensive the colony was, for every single bump represented a mischievous little soul born to protect their grove. 

Waxing itself can also signify the rebirth of a fairy into a new mortal vessel. As they are fey creatures, fairy spirits are tied directly to a localized collection of plants  and animals (such as a small grove). None of the individual accounts of my own have been able to specific memories before emerging from a cocoon, so one can infer that the inception of fair kind begins as they are let out from their initial husks into the world. However, while touring their home, I was unfortunately unable to make many concrete conclusions. Much of their magic is unknown and vague, which is frustrating to an academic like myself .

The fairy is quite the interesting creature. One the one hand, it embodies all that is true of magic in this world– power, intrigue, trickery, and all things which tempt the mortal. They exist as a metaphor for the very hubris that makes us human. At the same time as possessing such great power, they are light as a feather and can be crushed under the weight of a quick and decisive blow.

I hope to see you next time where I may elaborate more upon the subject of fairies.

Until next time,

-The Magician

Me and football… we kind of had a falling out in 6th grade… It was rough. Jokes aside, I had a very bad experience through the football program at my school. Without getting into specifics, it kind of fostered an unhealthy distaste in all things related to the sport that lasted for quite a long time. After a while it became indifference though, mainly because I got bored of hating it.

Dislike became indifference and so it remained until last week, when my friend asked me to watch it with him and some others. I always am actively trying to become a better person, or just like grow when I can. So I saw this as an opportunity. I’ve never been to a Super Bowl watch party, but I wasn’t about to turn one down in this time period. So, this non-football fan went to a (covid conscious) Super Bowl watch party. And it was fun!!

With nachos in hand I watched what I understand to be a pretty average game of football. I went into it thinking to myself, “okay, watch the screen and try to see what others see. Try to see what all the fuss is about.” And to my delight I could! Will I be catching the next game I can? No.

But as I was watching I became aware of some of the nuances that always went over my head. First of all, the sheer physical abilities of these men is insane. Like it’s just nuts the amount of physical exertion that happens in one play. And then they always get up and do it again. These people are athletes of the highest caliber, and just thinking about how much time and effort and talent they put into everything that’s taking place on that field is humbling really.

Next is the coordination, or I suppose just the intricacies of the interaction between both teams. 11 people on both sides, pinned against each other in a battle that plays out every few seconds. The way the lines wrap around each other, the players in the back moving and trying to get open. It’s very interesting to watch when you look at the big picture. Like a war simulation in real time.

And then just the competition is exciting. It’s two parties trying very hard to get what they want with only each other in a way, (it’s really quite close to drama).

Anyways, it was really refreshing seeing how embracing something I’ve been avoiding all my life was rewarding. Let this be your friendly reminder to try things you definitely don’t want to, things you hate. Not because it’s guaranteed that you’ll like them, but because the subversion of your expectations is a powerful tool.

Jesus, I’m so goddam preachy.

Take care everyone!

-Jonah J. Sobczak

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