We get our voices from the ghosts of spirituals
Our feeling from their deaths
Will they think
About how our nights were filled with
Blue eyes
Blond hair
Long and silky
Wind tousled
How the slight tinge of brown or black was easily
Passed by
Begged for the chance to be seen but the wish was never answered
I wonder who would honor my wish
See me in the pictures
And select me on the screen
As they try to do in real life
After sanitized hands
Cleanse mouths from the aftertaste
Will they come back?
Sometimes I’m nervous walking in
Sometimes I’m nervous walking out
Sometimes I should be walking in
Sometimes I should be walking out
Sometimes I walk in when I should walk out
Sometimes I walk out when I should walk in
Sometimes I stop walking
Sometimes I stop feeling when I need to heal
Sometimes I stop healing when I need to feel
Sometimes I regret allowing myself to eat
Sometimes I regret allowing myself to speak
Sometimes I hate when days evaporate
Sometimes I wait for days to fade
Sometimes I hate myself
Sometimes I love myself
Sometimes I can’t tell what I am to myself
Sometimes I don’t know how to speak
Sometimes I wish I was meek
Sometimes I wish I was weak
Sometimes I wish I was strong
Sometimes I wonder how long this can go on
Sometimes I’m smart and I know
Sometimes I’m dumb and it shows
Sometimes I’m right when I’m wrong
Sometimes I write wrong when I’m right
Sometimes this all feels surreal
And Sometimes I don’t know what to feel
How they spread up into my hands
Dissipate like water beads sprinkling across my skin
I like how your twisted tongue turns poetry into song
With verses that don’t rhyme
I like
How you lace my drinks with antiquity
Quiet my sobs with ecstasy
And paint them as honesty
Your lips keep all of them contained within me
Sealed with the kiss of your disdain
I like it when these things take my being
Twist it into tangles of hope and fear
Drop the knot make it hold tight while falling
I like commanding over risks
Jumping out of a plane landing on my feet
Playing publicly after plotting carefully
I seek control over the unknown
Find it while diving deep
Feeling more power with every sinking failure
I sat down for dinner at 7:22
The same time I sat down for breakfast 12 hours earlier
Who knew I would know the taste of milk just before expiration
Hearing the sounds of people running downstairs and jiggling keys
Flinching with every moment that it comes closer
To the time my door is opened
The internet serves as a record of my friends
Dwindling with each year
When you realize you’re too warm
And too lazy to take off your jacket
It’s the feeling of someone walking too close
There are the conversations you overhear
Not unwelcome, but uncomfortable
You wonder if you should slow your pace
but no matter what you’re both in stride
