Author: sarahshu

Cleopatra is an album released by The Lumineers in 2016. Deeply underrated, beautiful in the way it was created, I came across this album by accident on YouTube.   Sleep on the Floor came up next and it enamored me immediately. This album is nothing like anything I’ve heard, having a backstory that wasn’t entirely about the band’s journey, writing about themselves and about a different character within the same album. I loved that the entire album contemplated, reflected upon the band’s place within this small world and yet it chronicled the life of a taxi driver, who drove a myriad of different people as she second-guessed her way through her life choices, wondering if she did alright in life. The music videos are another phenomenon altogether, released at random, probably not making much sense but having a common small mysterious lead which is all wrapped up in the final ballad which is released at the end. It makes you feel so much that you can’t really say what you feel. Cathartic, relaxing, contemplative, and so much more than the words here. Definitely more.

Most albums would hang on to a common theme, usually about a journey an artist usually goes through, problems and issues they face and written away to describe a particular phase in life. Yet the way The Lumineers created this album is a collection of thoughts and sure, it doesn’t need a wholesome theme as a foundation for each and every song. Heck, the songs don’t even need to be a particular order for the entire album to make sense and Patience is a good example of it. Patience is an instrumental in the album, one of the rare piano instrumentals I love. It reveals itself slowly, playing back and forth, yet it sort of asks you to listen, to think, to remember.

To remember what? Nothing exactly, but maybe everything.

One of songs, Ophelia, tells the stories of success, expectations and pressures the band felt as they rose to fame. Ophelia also reminds them to appreciate everything that has happened to them. It is portrayed in the lyrics below:

—

I, I got a little paycheck

You got big plans and you gotta move

And I don’t feel nothing at all

And you can’t feel nothing small

—

One of my favorite songs in the album, Sleep On the Floor, is about moving to different cities and having a huge dream, of fulfilling that promise, of wanting to make it big. It’s all of these things. These words don’t do justice to the song, so the only way you’ll know its great is by listening to it. Some of the lyrical excerpts that capture the gist of song are as below:

—

And when we looked outside, couldn’t even see the sky

How do you pay the rent, is it your parents?

Or is it hard work dear, holding the atmosphere?

I don’t wanna live like that

—

Jesus Christ can’t save me tonight

Put on your dress, yes wear something nice

Decide on me, yea decide on us

Oh, oh, oh, Illinois, Illinois

—

Trust The Lumineers to make ‘Illinois’ sound good in a song.

Anyway, after reading reviews on the album, I came to a very surprising discovery that The Lumineers actually wrote a song for The Hunger Games, titled Gale Song. The song is in Gale’s point of view. Despite being unrelated to the theme of the album, it actually rather fit it and after listening carefully, it is rather heartbreaking.

—

And I won’t fight in vain

I’ll love you just the same

I couldn’t know whats in your mind

But I saw the pictures, you’re looking fine

There was a time I stood in line

For love, for love, for love

But I let you go, oh I let you go

—

Cleopatra has so much to offer yet it isn’t an easy album to digest. It took time, even for me, to develop an acquired taste to enjoy the album with its mellow tunes and American folk style. But once its deeper meanings unfurled – slowly, fully but surely – soon I became completely absorbed, wondering why I had overlooked it the first few times I listened to it.

There are perspectives, ones we do not share that we can attempt to understand. A person who does not drink can empathize by going to a party, even if the purpose is to merely understand why parties are ‘fun’ and why a portion of the student body love partying. Another instance would be just the things we do in humanities classes, study, do our readings and argue for a point of view only to be presented with informed viewpoints from the other side. Trying to understand the other side humbles everyone, to know that there is more to the conversation than two sides.

Granted, not all perspectives can be gained this way. One is being a stranger in a new place. This comes with pre-notions, assumptions and stereotypes of the space we are about to enter. These assumptions are challenged, changed and nuanced as time eases its way through. We hold on to some, but we understand that there is more to a space, to people, to rumors than how we’ve understood it from the outside. Even so, looking inwardly while being an outsider is a special opportunity.

What are the special opportunities of an outsider looking inwardly? They come with the chance to compare values, from home and here, the new place. They come with an opportunity to try new things and to decide which suits our changing values, to decide how we feel about feeling differently. They come with an understanding that we will change our minds, that our beliefs will not fit with other people. But thats okay.

Maybe thats the point.

“You look very comfortable in water”, said my dive master as we surfaced from the first scuba diving practice. The waves were rough that day and I was constantly swept away by them as we practiced breathing using the equipment. Like a small dingy on the ocean, I was being slowly washed back again to the shores.

I suppose he was right, I am comfortable in water, perhaps because I had learned swimming when I was smaller. Later, I was chosen as the 12 people who get to dive off a small island near Tioman. The view underwater was nothing like the earlier dive, numerous fishes dotted the corals, two turtles were spotted during the entire time we were diving and a castle of corals everywhere. Forget snorkeling, diving is clearly a superior experience.

When first diving underwater, 7m below sea level, you have to remember to breathe. Clearly, you would die if you forgot. Breathing is different when you have to only do it through a mouthpiece wired to oxygen. The cold oxygen dried my throat, made me feel a little anxious about remembering to breathe but soon after I was breathing without consciously reminding myself to as the marine life caught my attention.

Although I couldn’t replicate the diving experience back in my apartment swimming pool, I definitely skimmed the floor of the pool when no one else was around, taking a deep breath before surfacing. I did some laps, practiced my freestyle and most importantly, I never forgot to breathe.

Have you ever listen to songs and think “this song has really great lyrics” or better yet, “this song contains multitudes in 3 minutes”. So much is meant within a matter of minutes. Every stanza, every phrase of it can be savored in moments you hear it. Literally music for your ears.

Yet songs too resemble poems, a little too much that it is unclear as to which came first and which copied from another.  Song lyrics are strikingly similar to poems because of the same structure they use. Take for example a chorus from the song Jupiter by Sleeping At Last:

—

Make my messes matter

Make this chaos count

Let every little fracture in me

Shatter out loud

—

The chorus conveys so much using very little.  The lyrics are presented in a similar way poems are.  Maybe lyrics are poems written down, woven into the fabrics of melody. I’m unsure if this revelation is new but this parallel between song lyrics and poems is a recent fresh realization for me.

Take another song, Clean by Taylor Swift:

—

Ten months sober, I must admit

Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it

Ten months older I won’t give in

Now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it

—

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That’s when I could finally breathe

And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

—

This song holds a double meaning, one for her fans and one for Taylor Swift. Taylor writes this song in light of her journey to move on from her past relationship. She realizes that she has been in the same city as her former boyfriend and has not thought about him once. When she does think about him, she genuinely hopes he is doing okay, a sign that she has moved on to a certain extent. She also writes this song sort of about trying to move on from a struggle in life.

Meanwhile, some of her fans take this song as literally being ‘clean’ from mental illness, addiction and abuse. Although Taylor Swift did not intend the song to reflect that, she accepted the fandom-wide meaning once she heard about it.

So much is said within a song. So much can be said in so little. The cliché saying “less is more” rings true here. We don’t really need to convey a lot using more words, more pictures. More often that not, a simple representation, a simple symbol is enough, concise to say so much of what we mean.

At Kuala Lumpur International Airport, I said my goodbyes to my parents, my 2 sisters plus the adorable boy toddler version of me. The genuine tears were shed for my siblings, for the hilarious moments we shared doing silly things. I was eager to go back to Ann Arbor. Being home was okay but I needed to go back to my other home. After 2 months of catching up with friends and family, I was ready to return to Ann Arbor to be left alone. I knew my family would miss me, terribly so, but I needed the distance for me to process everything that happened over summer break. No more nosy questions from nosy relatives, no more ‘so when are you going to find a partner’, no more ‘you need to do abcdefg before you graduate’.  No more unsolicited opinions from relatives who dispense it like they have the whole picture. Farewell nosy questions and unsolicited opinions. Farewell, indeed.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss eating superbly delicious food (cooked by those very same nosy family members, such irony) whilst trying to come up with creative ways to answer those questions. Most of the time I just pretended to be rather oblivious, to their amusement. I’m glad I fairly amused them because it was an otherwise experience for me.

Touch down. Caught up with my local friends. Conversations ensued and time flew by. We are now approaching winter break. A lot of my local friends here miss home a lot yet they only need to travel an hour away to get to home. If I wanted to fly back home, I needed to spend at least $1000 and spend 30 hours in between airports and aeroplanes (notice the British spelling) so I only go home when absolutely essential. I am most amused by the question “Oh no poor you, you can’t go home!?”, gasped my local friends. In fact, I do miss home but for now, this distance is necessary, necessary for me to question my place in the larger picture of my entire family. Do I want to live with them after graduating?  To what degree am I responsible for my siblings? These are all important questions, with no direct answer. They don’t need answers. But I need time.

The power of distance is underestimated. Most of the time, distance in movies is portrayed in negative connotations. Little do we know distance can give us the space we need to breathe, to consider our place within our circles. I needed to physically remove myself from the discomfort I sensed. There were too many things going on at home, too many luggages unloaded upon me at once, and I wasn’t given time to unpack it slowly. Being in Ann Arbor studying gave me the chance to resume my anonymity from family and friends in Malaysia. Anonymity; central to healing, untangling complicated problems without being in the problematic space itself. No one to ask you why you’re doing what you’re doing, no one keeping tabs. Distance and time (hopefully) are on my side.

Relevant song: “Save Myself” by Ed Sheeran

I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe
I gave away my money and now we don’t even speak
I drove miles and miles, but would you do the same for me?
Oh, honestly?
Offered off my shoulder just for you to cry upon
Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm
They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song
It goes on and on

(Image credits: Google Images)

There isn’t an actual academic term for ‘low key networking’. I just coined it myself.

Self-coined-definition of Low Key Networking: forming connections between people; getting them to have an inclination of hanging out with you whilst maintaining a certain amount of respectable or friendly distance; friends/acquaintances feel comfortable in indulging you with their wishes/memories/troubles to you; (this definition can be expanded upon)

This isn’t a how-to. Its more of an explanation for how certain people make friends/connections easily. Its a slow, effortful journey that eventually becomes almost effortless and comes with ease. The most essential part of it is being genuine and sincere in getting to know people, be it friends, colleagues or family.

1. It starts with the small talk: any friendship begins with the awkward moments you spend grabbing drinks, talking about the weather and how finals are lurking around and such. Personally, I think small talks are fine as long as you selectively small talk with some people (especially new acquaintances) and to understand the balance of small talk and serious talks.
2. Ask them about their lives: this works like a charm every time. If you’re not much of a small talker you can do this and just listen. People love talking about themselves. Comment on something you noticed about them, from what you’ve noticed they like to the stickers on their laptops. People genuinely like it when you notice something that may not be obvious at first glance. They also take an interest in you afterwards, and they may unconsciously bookmark you in their minds. This is important for later, when you need help and you know you can lean on these connections when you need help/advice you may not have expertise on.
3. Be sincere: no one likes superficial friends. People can tell when you want something from them, especially if its a favor, money or gains to a position of power. When people do this to me, I straight up ask if they want something from me, because I dislike seeing them trying to see them trying to convince me, or ‘win’ me over if you will. I’d rather help them out sincerely if I sense that they need help. As for close friends, I’m always there for them. I also never disclose my circle of close friends to new friends, in case they think they may be able to gain connections from being close to me. In short, people value unconditional genuine friendships in which both gain deeper connections from hanging out with each other.
4. Small favors: Ask for small favors from people you want to get closer to. Or do them small favors. This can be from grabbing coffee or helping out with homework. Even handing out a pen when they don’t have one works. Don’t try to over-do it though, because you may come off as trying to impress them just to gain something. Reiteration: be genuine, not fake.
5. Balance attention: this is tricky but if you’re at big events and a lot of people are trying to talk to you, you have to know how to personally attend to all of them whilst not ignoring others. This skill is something that needs a lot of practice.
6. Be sincere: Do. Not. Be. Fake. (trust me some people don’t get this memo)
7. Know yourself: not everyone is intuitive in networking. Understand how you can gain personal connections by knowing what kind of person you are. This is another problem most people encounter, since they don’t understand themselves really well, they do not know how they can improve the way they present themselves, by utilizing their strengths and improving on weaknesses. Thus, they come off as trying too hard or pretending to be something they are not.

My personal take: Gaining friends is easy. However, maintaining a somewhat deep relationship with new-ish friends is harder and requires a decent amount of effort. Rule of thumb is however to be always sincere because people repel from you once they feel like you’re trying too hard. Again, there are no hard or fast rules in general, everything about making friends and networking is intuitive and understanding the aura, vibes and atmosphere you get from the space.

A great read on a relevant topic: “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, find the term ‘Connector’. A connector generally means a person/friend/acquaintance you know who connects you to various other people, an essential person in our social circle(s). Connectors know a lot of people and they genuinely maintain these friendships as well as introduce people to others in their social circle. I self-identify as a partial connector, I only connect people if I deem it mutually beneficial for both of them.

(Image credits: Wall Street Journal)