Author: Thomas Degroat

Being drunk around one’s family is always a sensitive subject to approach. For most people. their family has not seen them drunk until well after their first time drinking. This is true for me as well, but there is the extra layer of uncomfortableness regarding my drunken self with the rest of my family.  I am gay, and the drunker I get, the gayer I become. Most of my family knows that I’m gay, but how comfortable are they with my expression of my gayness?

I have freely gotten drunk with my family, but there has always been a barrier to protect me. The drunkest I have ever gotten has been at my cousin’s graduation party, but that gave me liberal cousins as a barrier to the rest of my family. I could act as effeminate or “gay” around them and it wouldn’t lead to drama with the rest of family. It was freeing to be able to have this much fun with the rest of may extended family around me. But that is not always the case…

This is something that every queer person has to come to terms with in their life. How queer can I be around my family? They want to be their true selves, everybody wants to be their true selves, but rejection is not something that everyone wants to face. It becomes a very difficult terrain to navigate as one must find their own path to openness with their family. How much is too much for our family to handle?Being completely open is incredibly freeing, but runs the risk of disownment. Where can an individual draw the line?

Even with a completely supportive immediate family, it is hard for me to draw the line. Today was a celebration and I did  not want to get too drunk be cause I did not know if my immediate family could handle how I actually present as a gay man. I had to limit myself in order to not be ostracized at this family event. In the company of extended family it becomes even worse. My extended family disagrees with me on so many political areas, that I’m honestly not sure if they would ever accept me as truly gay. It’s damaging to think that your family would never accept you.

It is hard to navigate openness with the people around you, and it becomes even more difficult when alcohol is involved. I want to drink to forget how my family might not accept me, but the more I drink, the more I reveal myself to my family. This is a part of the gay experience that is so difficult, but cannot be understand by our straight allies. I love my family, but I do not want to love them if they disapprove of me. How do I navigate this and how do I navigate being my true self around them?

The terms introversion and extraversion are tools that Carl Jung popularized to explain the different types of gratification that individuals try to obtain. They were a shorthand to help explain complex issues. To explain these complex topics simply, introversion in being primarily interested in one’s own psyche, whereas extraversion is motivation stemming from outside gratification. This allowed psychologists to more easily analyze patients and theorize about the machinations of the mind. These concepts, however, have been bastardized by pop culture to segregate people into two groups whether it’s actually applicable or not.

There are two ways that professionals actually view these concepts: as a continuum to explain a person’s general motivations, or as an explanation of the motivations behind a single action. This is important to realize as a professional would not label someone as an “extravert” or an “introvert”. Either they generally act in an extraverted/introverted way (but is not solely extraverted/introverted) or that a particular action was motivated by introversion/extraversion. This dichotomy that pop culture subscribes to, like most dichotomies, is a false one. Actions and people exist on a gradient.

Extraversion and introversion have had positive effects, though. It has allowed people to better understand themselves and their motivations. In addition, they enable people to easily discuss what they are mentally experiencing, thereby facilitating understanding among people. This can lead to higher sympathy and less taxing demand for conformity to other people’s attitudes. However, they have become labels that divide people and create animosity between the groups.

According to pop culture extravert and introvert are opposite and opposing labels. You are either one or the other. With this comes ingroup and outgroup dynamics. You highly favor those that share the same label and act derogatorily towards those of the other label. Introverts see themselves as intellectuals and extraverts as vapid. Meanwhile, extraverts see themselves as sociable and introverts as awkward. This especially prevalent among people that hold the label extremely personally as if that label is everything that they are. These group dynamics are obviously harmful as they perpetuate stereotypes and ignore issues that could be resolved.

Like almost everything else, introversion and extraversion exist on a scale. We act extraverted in some instances and introverted in others. Labelling oneself as one or the other only serves to diminish the complexity of human experience. One learns to ignore the individuality of experience, rather than embracing it. Through this, we actually come to learn less about ourselves, rather than more. Introversion and extraversion can be helpful to explain specific instance and analyze them, but labelling an entire personality as just one or the other is ineffective.

The terms extraversion and introversion can be extremely useful when used correctly. They can establish connection, elicit sympathy, and enable discussion. Unfortunately, these terms have been co-opted by pop culture to take advantage of ingroup and outgroup dynamics. This labeling, when used in this way is ultimately harmful and should be reconsidered. In the future, do not label yourself as an extravert or introvert, instead, you are a person with complex motivations.

When music comes out, no one is really sure if it will stand the test of time or become influential to future artists. When the Beatles first started, there were just another pop band. Same thing with Justin Timberlake or Bruno Mars, nobody actually thought they would have a significant impact on the music industry, but they clearly have. Keeping with this same idea, I have a list of three albums that I believe have and will have significant impacts in the music industry

1. Lorde’s Pure Heroine

This album came out during an interesting time of music. We were still recovering from the self-congratulatory pop of the 2000’s and newer artists were beginning again to create more serious and personal music. All of the sudden a 16 year old from New Zealand came out with Royals. This song was a response and criticism of the shallow music that was prevalent at the time. I believe this song paved the way for artists’ more serious music to be released by the recording companies. The extreme popularity of the song forced executives to recognize the fact that  music listeners were craving something more than pretty ladies, parties, and shallow love.

2. Sia’s 1000 Forms of Fear

Nobody expected Sia to come back with as much force as she did. She only had minor hits before her hiatus and she seemed content to never produce her own music again. But then Chandelier came out and became a huge success. People connected with the deeply tragic lyrics, but the music made it possible to listen to it without the sadness overwhelming the song. Similar to Pure Heroine, 1000 Forms of Fear takes pop music and makes it a personal affair. She takes the style of pop, but makes it work with her personal story. The album is a collection of songs that were too personal for Sia to share with another artist and it shines through. I believe this will be a model that other artists will follow where the songs are deeply personal to them. I would not be surprised if Gwen Stefani said that 1000 Forms of Fear was an inspiration for her new album, one that is also a collection of songs about difficulties in her life.

3. Taylor Swift’s 1989

Whether you like her music or not, you cannot deny that Taylor Swift is extremely successful.  She makes pop songs that are accessible, but still contain clever lyrics with significant messages. Her wordplay in some of her songs is really unparalleled when compared to other artists releasing music right now. A lot of people like to disregard her because of her bubblegum pop aesthetic, but she’s really someone that lyricists should be looking up to. Clealr yshe is already a huge influence as one of the most recognizable celebrities in America, but I believe this album will have lasting affects on the music industry. It’s no longer acceptable in pop to hide poor lyrics behind a lazy ear-worm beat. I hope that this album will cause a significant impact in the writing of pop songs in the future.

These three are obviously not the only albums that will have a significant impact on the music industry, these are just the ones that I have the most background with. Some other artsist include the more obvious big names that will have an impact no matter what type of music they release, like Beyonce or Nicki Minaj. Then there are the ones that haven’t broken out to the public yet that would probably have huge impacts if they could, like Melanie Martinez, Misterwives, or Janelle Monae.

Gwen Stefani has always been a part of my life. Who can forget Hollaback Girl or her promotion of Harajuku fashion? But even before all of that, Gwen Stefani was part of one of the most successful rock bands of the ’90s, No Doubt. This is where my personal love of Gwen Stefani begins. No Doubt is absolutely my favorite bands of the ’90s and Tragic Kingdom is one of my favorite albums ever, up there with Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors or Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill. You can imagine my surprise once I heard that Gwen Stefani was releasing her first solo album in 10 years. My expectations were raised even further once I learned that it was inspired by the end of her marriage and her new relationship. I was expecting a Sia-like come back with deeply personal songs mixed in with pop-y love ballads. While I don’t find it as impressive as Sia’s 1000 Forms of Fear, it is far from disappointing and is a great listen.

Let’s start with the negatives. The albums starts off spectacularly, but falter near the end with the 8th, 9th, and 10th songs being tonally dissonant and surely the most strange of the album. Luckily the album picks it back up with the next songs, but it never reaches back to the magic of the beginning of the album. Perhaps my least favorite song of the album is Asking 4 It featuring Fetty Wap. I’m alway wary when artists firmly rooted in pop (or rock) and artists firmly rooted in hip hop work together. It can be great when done right (like B.o.B’s Ariplanes featuring Hayley Williams) but more often than not, the two sounds cannot find a middle ground. It definitely doesn’t work here. Not is the song dissonant from the rest of the album, but the two artists themselves don’t fit well. Gwen Stefani’s clean and clear vocals fights with Fetty Wap’s unique, rough fuzzy vocals.

But of course the album has some knock-out hits as well. In fact, the entire first album is great, my personal favorite being the album’s first song (and sure to be next single) Misery. This song has all the work of a great pop hit that people will be singing along with for years. The lyrics are catchy, the beat is endless fun, and the bubblegum-pop style really suits Gwen Stefani’s solo work, though that is not to say that she can’t do incredible work in other genres as well. Listening to Where Would I Be? provides us a great look at Stefani’s musical talent as it flits between genres throughout the entire song and it works as a comprehensive package of everything that she can do as an artist. While it is not the best song on the album, it is impressive none the less.

Overall the album is a fun listen, though lacking in the sadder songs that are usually featured on break-up albums. To hear the best of the album, I suggest starting with Misery, Make Me Like You, or Truth. These songs are my personal favorites of the album. They are classic Gwen Stefani and will certainly please old fans of her solo work. I am looking forward to hearing more songs from Gwen Stefani as clearly she still has a lot of musical potential left within her.

With the continual growth of complexity in society, there are bound to be new roles created in order to account for these new complexities. One of the recently developed roles is that of the server. In this context, the server is not solely defined as the job in which a person serves food to another, but as any position in which a human is hired to interact with others and provide a service that the consumer cannot accomplish by their own means. These roles as they are defined here can include the previously mentioned waiter or waitress, the host, or the main topic of this article, the cashier. Other roles that cannot be categorized as such are mechanics, chefs, or any other similar occupation because the interaction between server and consumer is not a necessary part of the tasks that the worker must complete in order to fulfill their role.

Interactions between the server and the consumer is an everyday activity for all members of a heavily economic society like the United States, but it is not one that is often thought about. The rules of these interactions are so familiar to the two participants that it comes as second-nature; they do not need to think about how they should act with the other person. While there is a wide range of types of interactions, there are three main components that seem to be common to all types of tasks that a server must complete: promptness or speed of service, cordiality, and proper exchange of goods and payment. All three components must be fulfilled as completely as possible in order for the interaction to be considered a good one, otherwise the consumer exits feeling as if the server is not appropriate for their position.

In the service of cashiering, the speed at which the main task (ringing up goods) is completed is one of the most important aspects of success at the job. Often raises and promotions are contingent upon the speed at which a cashier can get a customer through their line. With my own work in the service industry as a cashier, I was lucky enough to find positions which allowed for promotions that were not reflected upon my speed, but even then speed is a necessary part of the social interaction. There is, of course, a variability of speed amongst cashiers and the quicker cashiers are often seen as better at their position by the customers. From what I have witnessed, it looked as if a person is more likely to go to a line where the customers are moved through quickly, even if the line in that aisle is longer than one of slower cashier’s. This along with the various compliments that were overheard about the swiftness of a cashier proves that in a consumer’s mind speed is directly related to perceived goodness and also that speed is much more prized over other beneficial aspects of a cashier.

Cordiality is perhaps least essential to completing tasks, but also the most important for the consumer. While speed is the first impression that a consumer will get of the cashier, the cordiality of the cashier actually lays the base and constructs most of consumer’s opinion on the quality of the interaction. Cordiality appeared as a universal in the interactions that I observed and participated in, but it also seems to manifest in many different forms. This component varies from one cashier to another, but also varies based on the type of consumer that the cashier comes across. In some of the observed interactions, cordiality meant “yes, sir” and “you’re welcome” with very minimal talking, with another it meant telling jokes, and with another still, it meant sharing personal stories. What seems to be evident from this is that matching cordiality with the consumer’s preferences is a very important aspect of the interaction. This helps to build a relationship between the two participants. This relationship may only last as long as the interaction does, but if it is strong enough, the relationship may span much longer as the consumer returns to the store and continually interacts with the server that they find the most to their liking (sometimes even insisting to only interact with that particular cashier).

Proper handling of the economic aspect of the relationship is the most important aspect of completing the particular task at hand and it is also important to finishing the structure of quality that was mostly created by cordiality. Unfortunately for the cashier, this part of the interaction cannot be completely manipulated by them like the other aspects. It is reliant equally on the server and the consumer. The consumer must be able to forfeit the correct amount of money and must also understand the transaction that is taking place. The cashier, on the other hand, must be able to complete the transaction with no incidence. An improper handling of this can quickly turn a previous neutral or good relationship sour. In one of the most alarming examples of transition from good to bad was with customer at a Sam’s Club when a customer was trying to buy products with her EBT card. She did not understand that those card can only be used for unprepared food and rather than trying to understand the issue, she placed all blame on the cashier and verbally attacked him until a manager had to be called. What was previously a good relationship quickly turned into an aggressive one.  It seems as if for some consumers, their finances are more important than the human interaction.

The relationship between consumer and server is a relatively simple one. The three main aspects that were previously mentioned mostly cover all there is to the interaction. Though within the simpleness lies many complexities. These complexities are the complexities of culture as a whole and some of them become more prominent in this interaction. Some characteristics of culture that are questioned in other relationships also come up in this one, such as the appropriateness of touching or the proper handling of words in order to not offend someone. Fortunately for both participants this interaction of cashier and consumer is short and often easily forgotten. This greatly alleviates the pressure of having a good interaction, bringing the relationship back to simpleness.

Here is part 2 of the list of books that everyone should read. These were curated with the help of friends, so some of these, I haven’t read, but do intend to.

1. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
   • This deeply personal novel follows the struggles of abandonment and sexual assault. It conveys the extreme struggles that a person can overcome, even when forced to deal with them at a young age. This novel also sheds light on societal issues, such as racism, that we should be actively learning more about. It is a strongly affecting novel that leaves the reader a different person after completing it. This slot also stands for other Maya Angelou works, such as her poetry or Letter to My Daughter.
2. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
   • This novel constructs a narrative in which the protagonist stand on the wrong side until convinced his convictions are wrong, something that we all can learn from. Taking pages from both Nineteen Eighty-Four and Brave New World, we are introduced to a dystopia were comforts rules all, but a tyrranical government enforces the comfort. From this, we can learn what it means to change and how censorship can influence us all.
3. God of Small Things by Arhundati Roy
   • In this piece, we follow the lives and relationships of a single family as they struggle to grow into new people. This is the only novel by Arhundati Roy, but its universal themes catapulted her into literary history. Throughout the novel, we are wretched back and forth from present to past as we learn that family is the strongest influencer we have and how the past does truly affect who we are as people.
4. One Hundred of Solitude
   • This novel is based in a genre that is potentially alienating to most american audiences, magical realism. It follows the rise and fall of a single town. It has a great protrayal of love and how it can be corrupted. It also uses the cyclical nature of history to show us how mistakes can be repeated and how they can affect us. In addition, we can all learn from its use of literary devices and its amazing word play.
5. The Giver Lois Lowry
   • Seeing a theme with this list, this is yet another coming-of-age story. Also this is another one within the dystopia genre. We follow the protagonist as he comes to slowly learn that his society is not what is was always presented to him as. From this novel, we can learn that it can be beneficial to question our society and the rules that are set in place. We can grow and change and leave behind the places in the world that hold us back.