In the Water


All goes as
all is as all was
but now is gone

What will be
not yet
only now is
gone all the rest

And lines of poetry
shouldn’t start with “and”

There isn’t should’ve
only could’ve but
didn’t didn’t
and won’t won’t

You are not in the Void
The Void is in you

A Rant About How Music Makes Me Feel

Gosh, I’ve been so into my emotions lately and releasing/reveling in how I’m feeling and why I am feeling like that, and I just realized something. Whenever I am feeling some twisted, uncomfortable, gurgling, emotionally-stifled way, I will turn on my music and skip song after song until I find something that speaks to me; speaks to exactly how I am feeling. Sometimes the song will be perfect, sometimes it’s just that chorus, or that line, or that beat, that will cut open my repressed emotions and free everything that I’ve been feeling, giving me an opportunity to breath and release. I mean, I think Bob Marley had it all wrong with that music making you feel no pain thing… music makes you feel everything you need to feel and more. It gives you the words and the rhythm to express the anger you feel because you bombed that quiz, or the happiness you feel because the sun is shining after what has seemed like years of snow and coldness. Persian Rugs by Partynextdoor is my go-to song as I restlessly try and sleep but end up needing a calm emotional release from the 496 thoughts that are circling around my head at night. Old school Love Story by Taylor Swift gives me the perfect feeling of romance and love. Que Bailes Conmigo Hoy by Fifth Harmony gives me the push to walk outside not knowing how finicky the Ann Arbor weather will be, but knowing nothing can bring me down. Sanctified by Rick Ross is my Friday song because Friday is the day to feel like a boss. Anything Jhene Aiko motivates me to get out my homework and drink coffee, but for some reason I always end up pushing the homework away until it’s five hours later… My point is, I’ve been going through a dry spell with my music influences, but I think it is finally over! I can finally twirl around or smash my books against the wall as I blast a cathartic song in the background, and feel like it means something again! Sigh, I love music.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Wes Anderson’s new feature film ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ hit theaters this past week, drawing audiences and critics with its distinctive Anderson-Aesthetic brand of comedy. At this point, many filmgoers know what to expect from an Anderson film, as the director’s cult popularity has gradually introduced his style into the popular consciousness. While the director’s films may explore new plots, sets, characters and colors, audiences understand that they are unlikely to plunge into truly unknown territory, instead embroidering on familiar themes and landscapes. Anderson’s cinematic storytelling often expands on a certain aesthetic theme, with Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums and the Life Aquatic centering in turn on the structures of a high school, a tenement house, and a submarine. In a similar vein, Anderson’s new film centers on a hotel. The ‘Grand Budapest Hotel’ operates against a painted mountainous background in the fictional Republic of Zubrowka. Depicted in a juxtaposition of flashbacks to a sumptuous golden age and present day decline, ‘Zubrowka’ evokes political sentimentality reminiscent of the declining Ottoman empire – or maybe of any degenerating empire.

Jude Law plays a writer on a stay at a drab and tacky version of the hotel in the 1960s, who makes the acquaintance of the proprietor of the hotel, Mr. Zero Moustafa. Moustafa relates to the writer his early history at the hotel, working as a lobby boy under the tutelage of socialite/concierge Mr. Gustave (Ralph Fiennes), whose flighty mannerisms, almost moral emphasis on décor, and sexual exploits dominate the rest of the film. Gustave’s vociferous love affairs with the hotel’s elderly female patrons intertwine him – and by extension, Zero – in an intrigue involving a noble family, a disputed inheritance and an ominous hitman. The exploits that ensue are often slapstick, particularly in a rollicking prison break and chase scene that culminates in a Marx Brothers-esque gunfight. However, the film’s bright colors and adventurous spirit are framed by an inescapable sense of loss. Old Moustafa admits that he cannot even reminisce about his young love Agatha (Saoirse Ronan) without crying, while terse, tacky style of the 1960s set reminds us that the past has been lost to war, ideology and institutionalization. Zubrowka may be fictional, but the shadow of war hovers over the end of the Grand Budapest’s glory days with a familiarly foreboding tenseness of militarization, secret police and border inspections – while the sense of oppression encasing the decrepit 1960s Budapest feels familiar as well. In Grand Budapest, Anderson uses his refined sense of aesthetic design to illuminate an arc of glory, war and repression that feels both familiar and timeless.

 

Chance the Rapper, Live from Hill

Say “Mmm Mmm!”

Say “God DAMN!”

I’m your pusha man, I’m your- I’m your pusha man. Twenty-year old Chancellor Bennett, formally known as Chance the Rapper, started his second song of the night off with a call and response introduction leading into the track “Pusha Man.” Each time he called out his instructions he would jump with both feet, hopping around the stage like an over-caffeinated energizer bunny turned rapper. His energy level was easily the most consistent and most redeeming aspect of the performance. Whether I was standing in the last row or pressed up against the jostling crowd just a few bodies from the stage, I felt as though I was right next to Chance, absorbing his radiation. He made one thing abundantly clear that night: he loves performing.

And the crowd loved him for it. Despite dominating every music blog on the face of the internet, his many magazine covers and upcoming multitude of summer music festivals, Chance is still a rising artist. Granted, he’s rising faster than most anyone in the music industry right now, but his stardom is only about a year old. As such, a sold out Hill Auditorium is actually one of the bigger shows he has ever headlined. This statistic, combined with Michigan’s proximity to his hometown and muse Chicago, and Michigan’s success at sports, made for one excited artist and 3,500 crazed fans.

Unfortunately for these fans, and anyone who like me, had been waiting for the opportunity to see Chance in person, the concert was notably short. After a stellar and poised performance from Noname Gypsy to open up the stage, Chance came out at around 9:15 and was completely done by 10:30. Certain aspects of this were understandable. After a year of intense performing and touring, he has to be tired of some of his more popular songs. So while the entire crowd desperately wanted to hear “Juice,” I can immediately forgive him for not wanting to play it. Also, it’s understandable that his songs are going to be short; most of Acid Rap’s tracks feature guest artists, so most of the time Chance could only sing his verse and one or two rounds of a chorus. Again, there is no real way around this. However, what he could have easily done was to dig deeper into his repertoire. He didn’t play a single song from his first project Ten Day all night, probably because he (correctly) assumed that most of the white 18-22 year olds were there to support the catchier tracks from his latest mixtape, not to indulge in the entirety of his work. To me, this meant shorter songs, longer instrumental solos and frequently interruptions for applause. To cover these shortcomings, Chance kept his energy level high, dancing and jumping and spraying water and revealing layers and layers of personalized jerseys for the crowd’s entertainment. Despite these antics, I still walked away from Hill that night feeling slightly unfulfilled. There are fewer features on Ten Day, and playing a couple of his earlier songs would have given Chance the opportunity to really get into a song, and not just provide a teaser.

Still, it is hard not to enjoy a Chance the Rapper concert. His live band and jazz influence makes him the next Prince and not the next Meek Mills. He clearly loves making music, and using it to influence people around him. Although I think the true power of his song “Paranoia” was lost on the mostly intoxicated white audience (true to any large gathering of Michigan students), it was clear to everyone that Chance has substantive lyrics.

Highlights of the night included his joint performance of the song “Lost” with Noname Gypsy, his personalized Michigan basketball jersey and Chance’s infectious, glowing energy that transformed Hill Auditorium into his own personal playground. During his more tranquil, introspective songs as well as his more high-energy dance tracks, one message strongly came through the speakers. “Everything’s Good.”

Reconsideration

Last Friday, thanks to the Residential College’s Feminist Forum, I attended a talk given by Chicago pop music critic Jim DeRogatis entitled “R. Kelly, Woody Allen, and Daniel Tosh: Does Separating the Art from the Artist Perpetuate Violence Against Women?” DeRogatis was the key journalist in breaking the stories of R. Kelly’s notorious sex crimes against underage girls. Though I didn’t agree with everything said by DeRogatis, his main point – to get us talking about the major issues of sexual violence prevalent in mass media – was highly successful. In brief, as I understood it, DeRogatis expressed that when an artist’s personal transgressions are reflected in their art, the public is sustaining an environment of acquittal, which is exactly the verdict declared on the R. Kelly trials despite the filmed evidence to the contrary. DeRogatis, however, argued that while he could never watch Woody Allen’s Manhattan (a film about an older man in a relationship with a much younger woman) due to its relation to the allegations surrounding the director, he would still highly esteem Midnight in Paris because its quality exists in a separate sphere than Allen’s personal life. DeRogatis referenced fellow journalists who have called the public to action by way of creating a less easy environment for these major names to not only get away with heinous crimes, but also to create and put out art explicitly about those crimes. Where DeRogatis’ focus was on the latter, I’d like to emphasize the crucial nature of the former.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that much of the ground covered in this talk directly and indirectly related to my former blogs. This was a red flag for me to do some rethinking. DeRogatis’ point that art unrelated to the artist’s personal life could still maintain merit really struck a chord with me that contradicts some of what I said previously on the death of the artist. Feeding into a public figure’s good reputation and wealth does in fact provide these figures with an easier environment to escape the repercussions of their actions. Continuing to support figures such as Terry Richardson, whose alleged sexual assault against his models has been widely publicized, reinforces not only their means of escaping the system, but also perpetuates a mentality that says this kind of behavior is okay if your art is good enough. Some of the top voices in pop culture on women’s advocacy have worked with Richardson, such as Beyoncé and Lady Gaga, and his career continues to flourish because his portfolio trumps his criminal record.

There are also many artists who produce work with violent and sexist messages that that differentiate from their personal life. I am a firm advocate of free speech, but until we establish a groundwork of morality, I think artists like Eminem are playing with fire when they put horribly violent and degrading lyrics into their art. I think Eminem has so much talent but lyrics like “Bitch I’ma kill you! You don’t wanna fuck with me Girls neither – you ain’t nothing but a slut to me Bitch I’ma kill you!” disturb me on a level that transcends freedom of speech issues. It’s the same with comedians and rape. I understand joking about harsh realities to make them seem lighter, but until society has a better handle on the overwhelming rape and sexual assault culture, rape is just not funny. It’s not free speech that needs to be changed, it’s not more censorship that we need, it’s a major mentality shift where consumers begin to exercise their rights and raise their voices in starting these kinds of conversations or abstaining from works of art (or artists) that oppose their values.

DeRogatis was absolutely correct about one thing, we can’t keep giving these well established figures of talent an environment to act as they please with no repercussions. I want artists to be able to say whatever they want about anything, but until we live in a society where there is an educated awareness about the reality of these issues of sexual violence, I think artists need to create with a better sense of social responsibility to the mass audience they’re reaching. The death of the artist is important to the work, but the artist as a member of this society should not be able to hide behind his art from the consequences of his or her actions. The messages put out by world renowned artists, like Eminem, are instrumental in facilitating this change. That being said, I also firmly believe in the social responsibility of the consumer. It’s time that we start really understanding where our money is going and what kind of morals and lifestyles we want to support. I may understand that Eminem is playing a character, but his middle school audience might not. The media is accessible to all ages and while no one can be sheltered from the harsh realities, we can all use our voices and buying power to stop the promotion of sexist and sexually violent ideologies, at least until we live in a world where they don’t already permeate reality.

Thank you so much to Jim DeRogatis and the Feminist Forum for providing me with the tools and inspiration for rethinking some of my former claims. Whether you agree with me or not, it’s important that we are talking about these issues in hopes of bringing about the change we want to see in mass media and in our everyday lives.

Out @ the A2 Film Festival

Under the beautiful umbrella of the Spectrum Center, I was able to attend the Ann Arbor Film Festival’s “Out Night,” which showcases short films that focus on LGBTQ identities. Donning my all-black apparel and tapestry-turned-scarf, I was sufficiently visually prepared to enter the space. After getting through the initial sausage-fest reaction (all the non-university Grindr men in Ann Arbor seemed to be in attendance) of entering the space, I was ready to watch some weird shit.

I love weird shit.

But, for better or for worse, there was no weird shit present besides myself.

The films were brilliant and took me to many different locations, many different emotional states, many different lives, many different bodies. What surprised me the most, besides the non-experimental nature of the films (which is a partly misleading generalization because all the films were experimental in their own right since the representation of queer bodies and, particularly, queer bodies of color are experimental in the visual register in-themselves) was the relatively un-in-your-face-queerness, which I did not expect.

Most of the films had some very poignant remarks about identity but it also seemed that all the LGBTQ folks were more or less real normal. A couple took a roadtrip to an amusement site, a rapper told his story, a musing on an author’s stay in Istanbul, a mother and son reminiscing, etc. While there were definitely parts of the films that spoke to LGBTQ identity in its visceral, raw form, there was nothing too out of the ordinary, at least not for an audience mainly comprised of LGBTQ folks.

What was shown, then, were beautiful meditations on LGBTQ life and what it means when identity isn’t just identity but bodies, experiences, and ways of living in the world. A topic that can particularly be unpacked in the short film.

Glimpses and moments were captured. Plots were developed or left out entirely. Emotions were given in their raw form before they could be turned into some metaphor for queer existence. Connections could be made and hinted at, but nothing clear came in conclusion. The short film, while transgressive to real life, has an interesting way at really holding moments that I have experienced and that I wish could be untainted by the continuity of life and my endless goal to make or unmake meaning.

In short, the film festival offers what most movie theatres, televisions, and computers cannot: a real film. Something that doesn’t fit into the pre-made notions of what movies can do, what they are, how they are, and why they are.