One Direction, Beauty, and Feminism

Confession: I like One Direction more than any adult is probably willing to admit. Even when I was a camp counselor the summer that they hit it big and crazed tweenagers were screaming the chansons into my ears, I held strong in my adoration of the British boy band.

There is one song of theirs, however, which has always irked me whenever it comes on the radio (or out of the mouth of a love-struck adolescent). It is, the ever-popular: “What Makes You Beautiful.”

In my opinion, the especially problematic lyrics are as follows:

1. “Don’t need make-up to cover up, being the way that you are is enough.”

2. “You don’t know you’re beautiful. That’s what makes you beautiful.”

With regards to this first line I’ve listed, it reminds me of a very passive aggressive roommate I had my freshman year of college. Almost every morning, I would wake up early to apply make-up and one time, she told me: “I don’t wear make-up, because I’m not trying to impress anyone.” My response: “Neither am I. I’m just trying to blend in.” No pun intended, but it’s true. In order to look the way I am expected to as a woman, I need to “cover up” the cystic acne that I have struggled with since I was eleven.

I do not have the appearance of what society deems as “natural beauty” in the morning. My hair looks like I was struck by lightning during the night and my skin’s “imperfections” do not consist of a few freckles. In fact, the year I was on hard-core medication that shut down all oil production in my skin (clearing my complexion, yet also giving me massive headaches and perpetually dry lips), the friends and family members I reconnected with after having not seen them since before swallowing that first intense pill would almost always say something along the lines of: “Oh my God! Your face looks so nice!” And I know they were trying to be kind, but I couldn’t help thinking — It’s great to know that you believe I looked hideous before. Now that the drugs didn’t completely work, I wear make-up, but not because I am vain or want to get laid. I wear it because I want to look “normal”. I wear it because I don’t want people averting their eyes when speaking with me or worse — staring pitifully into mine.

The issue that I find with the second lyric I’ve posted is similar, more general, and a well-discussed concern birthed from the feminist movement — why is a woman measured by her beauty in the first place? And why, in this instance, do a woman’s insecurities make her beautiful? It’s almost like my favorite five-member British boy band is trying to keep my confidence level fairly low if it’s saying that the type of beauty I should be striving for is derived from that special something with which femininity has always been associated: hyper-humility. Why am I not allowed to apply my foundation and lipstick, then look in the mirror and say: “damn, I look good today,” without being pegged as a fake, vain, bitch?

Why is it unacceptable for women to “know [they’re] beautiful” without being told so?

America’s Next Top Artists

While even at a young age the feminist in me spurned America’s Next Top Model for its blatant perpetuation of social beauty standards and stereotypes of female behavior, the prevailing artsy side of me left me planted in front of the TV for hours on end as the Fashion Network replayed entire cycles back to back. Sure, the fights were entertaining and the judging scenes were always oozing with dramatic tension, but my favorite part was always the photo shoots. With at least a dozen episodes in every season and now 20 total seasons, how could they possibly come up with so many drastically different brilliant ideas for these shoots? For some reason the models get all the credit for “working it” (or not) when really the part that I’m stunned by is the product of an incredible makeup team, photographer, and the person who comes up with all of the themes. The art of storytelling is such a crucial part to each photograph that I could never change the channel, knowing I had to find out what they would do next. Some of my favorite shoots include ones where the models were entirely submerged under water, had paint splattered across their faces, and of course the crazy range of modeling with animals from crocodiles to elephants. Despite my initial hesitation toward the values the show  promotes, within a few seasons they began accepting one to two “plus size” models. It truly was so kind of them to let one or two girls into the competition that, like the majority of the female population, are bigger than a size 2. However, this doesn’t stop the judges from their ruthless comments about women looking “too old” “too commercial” “too sexy” or just too flawed to win the competition. All in all, I say it’s the behind the scenes crew that should win every season. So, without further ado (or ranting), I present some of my top favorite photo shoots from America’s Next Top Model:

Exotic Birds Photo Shoot
Crocodile Photo Shoot
Under Water Photo Shoot
Bull Photo Shoot
In this photo shoot the models had to lay on a transparent water covered tarp as the photographer shot from beneath.
America’s Next Top Model’s first and only plus size winner

Okay, I had to throw that one in there. She doesn’t look very plus sized to me. But, I believe the other photos have illustrated my point on the artistic brilliance of very creative minds that create this beauty, and because of this, I’ll continue to bite my tongue and throw away hours on this show that is so artistically stimulating.

 

The Art of Getting Through

Art has a “so-what” element to it. Does it make me feel special? Does it make me feel alive? Do I learn something? Does it give me a different perspective? Does it make me question hidden assumptions about the world?

OR. Does it surprise me?

My life is currently dominated by a couple things: a horrendous cough, my thesis, and extreme amounts of existential dread.

Every life is art, though–the best ones are. Mine is like Guernica. Mine is like being in Fight Club and not having any idea what’s going on. Mine is like Azealia Banks chanting that she’s going to ruin me. Terrifying. Surprising. Wonderful?

What is the “so-what” element to things these days? My self-esteem was squashed about 3 months ago when my advisor asked me where my thesis’s argument is and 3 months later . . . my argument is like the groundhog hiding from its shadow. Now I am the groundhog and my thesis is the sun. I’m hiding.

Rather, not hiding but just avoiding–my cold let’s me do this. Napping, chewing raw ginger, swallowing a pharmacy of vitamins and medicine, sitting 5 inches away from my humidifier. My thesis is over there while I’m over here.

But I guess this is a new way of life? I know I will reach my DEADlines but getting there is the struggle? The goal?

My thesis has shown me how something, one thing that will hopefully get me into grad school, put a foot in some academic door somewhere somehow, can take over your life entirely. Giving yourself over to something you (used) to love, ha, still do, is beautiful? Surprising? Terrifying?

“Oh my gosh, Taylor, this week has been so awful, what am I supposed to do?”
“Well Toni Morrison has an answer. Its in the Consolata section of Paradise, let me flip to the page.”

“TAYLOR, I was staring at old photographs of my ex and they seemed to shift? change?”
“STAHP, that’s just like the ending of Beloved where I still have no idea what’s going on even though its in my thesis . . . wait. Is Morrison talking through you? Are you a Morrison oracle?”

There is an extreme irony about tracing Morrison’s theory of healing when I need to heal from the thesis process.

I walk down the road looking at the city of Ann Arbor imagining it is the City Morrison describes in Jazz. I look in the mirror and see Beloved’s face. I go to a friends house and imagine it to be Paradise’s convent pre-raid and pre-slaughter.

For now I have to give into the delusions/hallucinations/reality of certain books projecting so far into my life that I have become my own character. My agency is just the narrator of myself scripting myself and positioning myself in the world.

?

The art of getting through is perserverence. It’s taking naps when I’m tired. It’s eating throughout the entire day. It’s only listening to Le1f. It’s hanging out with friends for brief snippets everyday. It’s making angsty and somewhat frightening facebook statuses so you can tell the world that you are on the edge (of glory).

I hope when my thesis is turned in, when I get my degree, and when I’m months out from undergrad, I can say that things were surprising. Things made me question my hidden assumptions. Things made me reevaluate the world.

I am the art, for now. And give me a few months where I can become my own audience. I can’t see the “so-what” now, but I will. I will.

“Say make me, remake me.”

 

UMGASS

I joined the University of Michigan Gilbert and Sullivan Society (UMGASS) first semester freshmen year. I had been accepted to the music school 2 weeks before school started, having spent January – August on waitlist harassing the music school almost daily to ensure that I got in, and was determined to prove that I deserved to be a voice major. The logical way to prove this seemed to be landing a lead role first semester freshmen year. I honestly didn’t believe that I could do it, but I researched every music & theater group that the University of Michigan had and auditioned for all of them, hoping that someone wanted to cast me. UMGASS did.

Princess Ida, 2011 Ali Kahn as Princess Ida, Katrina Van Maanen as Lady Psyche, Alexandria Strother as Melissa
Princess Ida, 2011
Ali Kahn as Princess Ida, Katrina Van Maanen as Lady Psyche, Alexandria Strother as Melissa

Looking back, I didn’t deserve the role. I was a freshmen with a meager 2 musical theater cameo roles on my resume, cast as a mezzo soprano (I’m a coloratura soprano) in a show where the other principals were veterans of the society, graduates of music schools or current juniors and seniors within SMTD. But since that first role in Princess Ida, I have performed with the society in numerous shows and outreach events (as a soprano!) and have served on the board as Treasurer and now President.

Iolanthe, 2012 Jon Roselle as Lord Tolloller, Alexandria Strother as Phyllis
Iolanthe, 2012
Jon Roselle as Lord Tolloller, Alexandria Strother as Phyllis

I was recruited to run for board at the end of my freshmen year. Since I am an engineering student as well as music, the current board figured that I would be a good Treasurer since I am very comfortable with math and numbers in general. After my term as Treasurer I decided to run for President and was elected.

This first semester as President has been quite a learning experience for me. Unlike Treasurer, my duties are less about defined deliverables and more about ensuring that everyone produces their deliverables in a timely fashion and fixing any and all problems which pop up throughout the production of the show. My parents often hear about the latest “UMGASS fire” that requires me to drop everything, hop in the car and quickly take care of it, so that rehearsals or the performances continue without the cast or audience members knowing.

Yeomen of the Guard, 2013 Phillip Rhodes as Sir Richard Cholmondely,  Jeremy Williams as Wilfred Shadbolt
Yeomen of the Guard, 2013
Phillip Rhodes as Sir Richard Cholmondely, Jeremy Williams as Wilfred Shadbolt

Tonight is the opening night for UMGASS’ Yeomen of the Guard, and this production has had its share of fires that have needed to be put out. There have been times this semester when I have questioned my decision to run for board, let alone President, since the stress of producing a $15,000 show is tremendous. Yet, seeing the quality of production which is possible because of my efforts in collaboration of the rest of the board, the production staff and the cast, make all of the frantic phone calls and late nights worth it.

Yeomen of the Guard, 2013 Imani Mchunu as Elsie Maynard
Yeomen of the Guard, 2013
Imani Mchunu as Elsie Maynard

So yes, this blog post may be a shameless plug to try and get you to come see UMGASS’ Yeomen of the Guard this weekend (which you really should, it is pretty fantastic). If you do, stop by the Green Room and talk with the cast and crew. UMGASS is a great group of community members and students working together to create professional level productions. From freshmen year, this group has served as second family to me and I am honored to be the President of UMGASS. So come to the show (free for Umich students with a Passport to the Arts), talk to the members and see what UMGASS is all about. It will be worth your while.

Tickets available at the door and online. Yeomen of the Guard is being presented in the Lydia Mendelssohn Theatre December 5 – 8.

Yeomen of the Guard, 2013 Thomas Cilluffo as Col. Fairfax, Alexa Wutt as Phoebe Meryll
Yeomen of the Guard, 2013
Thomas Cilluffo as Col. Fairfax, Alexa Wutt as Phoebe Meryll
Yeomen of the Guard, 2013 Amanda O’Toole as Dame Carruthers, Alexa Wutt as Phoebe Meryll
Yeomen of the Guard, 2013
Amanda O’Toole as Dame Carruthers, Alexa Wutt as Phoebe Meryll

Kanye West: How People Don’t (and Refuse to) Get It

Yes, this is going to be an article defending Kanye West. Accept that and get over it right now. And no, in no way, am I even going to imply that he is perfect. And yes, I read “Why Everybody Has Missed The Point of Kanye’s Bound 2 Video” a while ago but don’t think it influenced this piece that much. And even if it did, who cares? That’s not the fucking point.

Kanye West is the comic whose audience doesn’t react with laughter but outrage. And he loves it. His unapologetic attitude, mistaken by the masses for arrogance, is the source of his art, whether it be his music, his videos, or his fashion. He attempts to conquer actions, symbols, and words that have been historically used to warp the power dynamics of society and subjugate minorities like Kanye West.

One fantastic example of West’s artistic creativity is a recent song titled “I am a God.” This song, because of its title, was received by absolute uproar and the media had a field day fueling the idea that Kanye’s song was clear proof that he is a narcissist whose only fitting punishment was a special circle of Hell reserved just for him. The mainstream media refused to do any sort of productive analysis of the song and decontextualized the shit out of it to perpetuate its narrative of West, which in turn perpetuated the overarching stereotype of angry, aggressive black men. Then, West, as he often does, had to explain what he meant by his art to America and the world. Here’s what he had to say in a radio interview:

“When someone says ‘I am a God’ everyone says ‘who the hell does he think he is?… would it have been better if I had a song saying I’m a nigger or I’m a gangster? To say you are a God, especially when you got shipped over to the country you’re in and your last name is that of slave owners; how could you have that mentality?”

West’s songs are informed by his own powerful experiences as a member of one of the most marginalized and misunderstood minorities in America. The idea of taking a concept that has been so white-washed and bleached to get rid of even a tinge of brownness (Jesus and the concept of a monotheistic God originated in the Middle East) and making it Kanye West, making it black is revolutionary. And let’s not forget the recent Bound 2 Music Video, featuring the one and only Kim K. My first thought watching the video was how like a western film it looked. The second thought was how shitty the graphics were. The third was the fact that instead of a cowboy, there was Kanye West. Boom. Kanye West had taken the western genre, one of the most racist and dehumanizing genres of visual media to ever exist, and made it his own. The way the video was filmed mimics the original westerns in all their glory, complete with the shitty graphics and random eagles, and highlights all the ludicrousness of the genre. The fact that West is the star of a film that, just a few years ago, would have cast him as the brainless minority meant to adore the tall, blond white male perpetuator of racial supremacy, is absolutely stunning and, of course, completely misunderstood. West’s critics, who are mostly white, simply don’t get the point of his music and the type of press he creates. Either by choice or sheer ignorance, they see a rapper when they should be seeing a black man, a descendant of slaves, a man burdened with experiences, stereotypes, and responsibilities beyond his control, a man burdened with things they cannot even fathom. His actions and comments prompt the initial shock and disgust but no real discussion comes out of them. When he stated on national television that Bush hates black people, there was the visible cringe and retaliation from mainstream America, who just didn’t get it. In the response to Kanye’s comments, racism was reduced from an societal and infrastructural landscape to individualized experiences, making it so that, because Bush himself did not do anything physically violent or say anything overtly racist towards a black person, he cannot be racist. This logic ignores the realities and nuances of the manifestations of racism in our society. Bush not only perpetuated a system in which black people are kept structurally disadvantaged but also initiated policies that disproportionately targeted and discriminated against certain minorities. With reality this harsh, how can anyone say that Kanye should be more “tactful” with what he says? How? And why? What he says is truth that has not been filtered, refined, and polished for easier consumption; it is raw and genuine and paints the reality that many face but so many more ignore. There has been a recent illusion created to boost our egos and avoid our problems, that because mainstream America has been well-off, either everyone else also is or is not because of their own faults; the struggles of those who are not like us are deemed irrelevant to our lives or a result of their own laziness as opposed to historical and structural oppression.

West has been criticized for complimenting and congratulating himself from those who do not understand how radical and poignant it is for a black man to applaud his “creative genius” when the entire world looms with laws, statistics, and power structures against him and constantly reduces him to a perverted image of barbarism and primitivity. West lives in a world where self-love in minorities is revolutionary, in a world where if you’re anything but “mainstream,” you are without a doubt lesser; in a world where if you are the other, you do not matter, you do not exist. More importantly, you should not exist. Our fascination with aggressive assimilation is appalling to say the least. Immigrants need to learn English and become “American” as soon as possible. Education must be streamlined and standardized. Quirkiness must be quelled and controversy must be crushed. Anything out of the hegemonic ordinary must not exist for, in the strange, twisted logic puzzle of our universe, our survival depends heavily on how forcefully homogenized we are as opposed to how we can teach each other through our differences. It is one where our race is ignored when it is uncomfortable to talk about our privilege and emphasized when it is convenient to point out others’ misbehavior. Or at least what the masses see as misbehavior. There is hardly anything more painful than watch people confuse self-love with arrogance and try their human best to shred that self-love apart. Kanye’s enemies (and ours) are history, which has so cruelly favored the conquerors and the colonialists; the law, which was written to protect the interests of the wealthy and powerful hegemony;  and the world, which has made it painfully clear that the darker the skin, the lesser the human. Kanye’s only weapon against such pervasive and omnipresent enemies is a self-love that emanates from his inner being, a self-love that proclaims to the world that there is value in melanin, a self-love that stems from himself and cannot be shackled, whipped, rewritten, forgotten, or erased. And to confuse this self-love with narcissism is a gross crime of ignorance, not “standing up for America’s values” or whatever the fuck the racist, patriarchal assholes on TV are saying these days.

Is Kanye perfect? Once again, no. Some of his actions and words, especially some of his more violent misogynistic and/or homophobic lyrics, are much harder to digest or even listen to. He is human, prone to making mistakes, having melt-downs, everything that all of us sitting in our chairs and criticizing him are prone to as well. But he is more than what the masses understand him to be. He is a parody of his genre, a self-made caricature of everything he detests created as a form of protest to the system, the Machine that the rest of us are all-too-willing to bow down to.

Is Your Blue My Green?

Imagine a conversation with an alien. An extra-terrestrial. A being foreign to your universe and nonexistent before this encounter. How would you communicate? Certainly he/she/it would not speak your language. Perhaps this being would not even understand the concept of verbal communication or be able to form words or perceive sound? Certainly you would struggle with these motor operations. Which gestures would you use? Could certain expressions be misleadingly inaccurate or unintentionally threatening? You would struggle to see eye to eye, assuming he/she/it even had one.

Perception is a pivotal stepping stone in establishing communication or forming a connection. In order to interact with the unknown, one must form an understanding of ignorance. A logical oxymoron, which is an oxymoron in itself, is coming to accept that one will never fully understand the perception of another. This acceptance helps to lay a cornerstone for a relationship to be built, as it is the only neutral ground in a sea of unknowns. There are many things that one cannot sense, and although one cannot perceive them, it does not mean they are nonexistent.

Light, for instance, is a matter only perceptible from certain sensory details. From radio waves to gamma rays, the electromagnetic spectrum of light leaves only a thin streak perceptible to the human eye. Between infrared and ultraviolet waves, the band of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet is all that is visible in the vast spectrum. These various waves operate across several frequencies, and from what science has given us, this is all we have been able to detect and understand.

But how can we be confident in our perceptions? Although, according to science, we, as humans, are of the same species, this does not mean that our perceptions are equal. Certainly we can examine the lens of our eyes, noting the curvature and ability to perceive labeled frequencies, but what if our sense of one color is different on an individual basis? For instance, what if my perception of green is your perception of blue? Plants trade color with the sky and it is perceived as normal. We both see the same in a different light, but can speak of it in the same sense. Of course, we can try to categorize visibility, by breaking it into pigment percentages or hexadecimals values, but that does not alter the initial sense.

In order to communicate and connect, two beings must find a sensory medium. As humans, that medium is primarily language–be it auditory or visual–but in order to connect with beings other than our species, we must be willing to move into new mediums, where we can come to understand that our perceptions will change and be different. We must learn to see, not just with the sensory feelings we possess, but in a manner that can be shared with the unknown. It is the ability to look beyond the physical, to put a finger on an abstract thought and follow a feeling.

It’s in the eye of the beholder.

Well, the perception of the beholder.