The Kingdom of Tokavsk, Session 11: The Forbidden Love Letter

My Heart,1

Winter was barely a chill compared to the cold of your absence.  The heat of your hands entwined in mine and the warm blush of your cheeks keep me alive in this frosted land.  Even so much as an hour away from you is as an eternity in the ice.  I do wish we could make our bond known.

I know we cross paths out in the open, but unless we are alone holding hands I see you as a total stranger.  I wish I did not feel this way, and I hope you can forgive me for harboring this sentiment.  I am glad we are closer together now and that I no longer have to withstand these frigid nights alone.

I dreamed a dream that someday we could be together as we hope to be, but in my mind I know it cannot be.  I wish I could deny my love for you, but you have caught me in a deer trap so sure that I know I will never escape it.  For now, we must be content with these little moments.  I sense a time when we may have to be apart for good.  I fear this time, but I try not to dwell on it.  I much prefer dwelling on you.  My heart,2 be steadfast.  We must savor these moments before everything comes to its glorious, frightful end.

I do pray you can forgive me.

 

Now and forever,

 

Your soul3

 

  1. This letter is presumed to be from one courtier to another. The writer and intended recipient are anonymous, indicating a forbidden relationship, possibly an extramarital affair.
  2. The author seems to be talking both to the recipient and to themselves.
  3. “You are of my heart and I am of your soul” is a line from a traditional Tokavskan romantic epic. “My heart, your soul” is a colloquial phrase used in romantic relationships to signify true devotion.

Romance, Here I Come

So I know I talked about Jane the Virgin a couple of weeks ago, but there was an important fact about the show that I forgot to mention.

Besides the million other things that I love about the show, one fact that I’ve always found comforting is that Jane aspires to be a writer. Though she has a degree in teaching, English specifically, her dream is to be a writer. And she actively pursues that dream, oftentimes over her romantic interests – right now, she’s in a creative writing cohort in graduate school.

But this wasn’t all that impressed me about her. To be honest, stories about writers are dime a dozen. For some reason, writers love to write about writers. Call it vanity, but it’s true. No, it wasn’t the fact that Jane was an inspiring writer. It was the fact that she’s an aspiring romance writer.

And guess what? No one says anything about it. Nothing. Her advisor doesn’t call her writing silly. Her mom doesn’t wonder why she doesn’t write a different genre. None of her romantic interests has ever questioned that maybe romance writing is not actually writing, that it’s not serious writing.

Nope. Nada. Nein. Jane is, and always will be, an unapologetic romance writer. And that shouldn’t actually be surprising. But it totally is.

Although I won’t name names, I will say that one time, I got an interesting critique back on a short story. It was, in a way, a romance, but a fabricated one. It wasn’t about love, it was about obsession, and it was meant as a thoughtful questioning of what is the difference between those two. But, in short, yes, it was about a relationship, this one between a man and a woman. But the critique? I remember words like “not feeling it” and “the vibe is wrong,” though this is probably also partially from my poor memory. But one that I do remember? “I don’t think I’m your intended audience.”  

Intended audience or not, does it really matter? Does it matter that my writing was borderline romance? Does it matter if I talked about love? Does it matter if the center of the story was a relationship?

I remember, even though that story was definitely a tough critique, one of my harder ones, that’s what hurt me the most. This person, whatever gender, didn’t take my story seriously enough because automatically it was categorized as romance. And because of it, I couldn’t get a serious critique about it, and it was harder to see what I could change to make the story better without thinking about the “intended audience” and whether I was pleasing that audience.

I was thinking about this in part because it’s Valentine’s Day this weekend, partially because Jane the Virgin was about her romance this week, and partially because I’ve been bingeing a very explicitly romance series.

But you know what? Despite the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m technically alone, instead of being lame, I’m going to the poetry reading at Literati on Saturday by Amber Tamblyn and then I’m going to do yoga with my best friends. You know what else I’m gonna do? I’m going to watch my romance movies, my romance TV shows, my romance everything. And I’m going to love it and not be ashamed.

Oh, and you know what else? I’m going to write romance. Unapologetic, unabashed, fantastic, life-changing romance. And you’re going to like it.

Happily Ever After and Then Some

My current guilty pleasure? I love reading romance novels. Yes, I’m that girl in your local Barnes and Nobles scouring the desolate section of cliched romance books, picking up novel after novel of Fabio and damsel in distress covers. I enjoy the steaminess, the fantasy, the heartbreak, the passion, the fairytale, the conflict, and overall, the idea that love can happen anywhere at anytime. I know it’s cheesy but I can’t help but be drawn to these novels as a place of comfort in my days filled with with classes, work, and piles upon piles of homework. It’s my way to escape into a world in which a realistic love story will never be a thing, but the idea of happily ever after comes with some sticky, drama-filled ups and downs.

I’m going to be really PG here and say what captures my attention the most in these novels is the crazy storyline that fills the holes of the actual romance. I’ve been enraptured by storylines of love hardships due to secret societies, arranged marriages, murders, business corporations, evil fathers, and so much more. When I first began reading my now hefty collection of romance novels, I never understood what the point of these random secondary plots were, when there was a steamy storyline between the two lovers and their always present resistance to be together. But then I read The Blackstone Affair trilogy by Raine Miller. It wasn’t my favorite love story, but the conflicts that arose that put their love to the test, made me yell, punch, and gasp all in one page, and those are pretty varied emotions to have after reading your average romance novel.

After finishing my 50th novel in a span of two months, I began wondering, what is it about these books that has made me disregard any other genre  for so long? I’ve disregarded The Alchemist and the last Divergent installment on my kindle for some months now. Why do I find this excitement to lay back and read about unrealistic happily ever afters, instead of novels that I could actually be proud to say I’ve read in a job interview. Well…I can get lost in them. Yes, the almighty escapism triumphs again! These romance novels, with their cheesy lines, amazing passion, unrealistic hardships, and cute endings of marriage or kids, are lives that I enjoy reading about, and I’m not ashamed of that.

I started thinking about my guilty pleasures and what really gets me thinking creatively today, and this seemed to resonate most with me. Through your guilty pleasures you can find a means to better understand and express yourself. Don’t be afraid to proclaim what you love to read, watch, or do when you want to escape from your everyday lives. I know I’m not.