I am a professional.

I came to werq.

Cat eyes? Check. Heels? Check. Hair did? Check. Necklace? Check. Lipstick? Check. Bitch face? Check. Now I sat that Catwalk Extravaganza like I had got the day on to perform. Like I had planned the song, the mood, the scene. But baby that is next year’s tea.

There are a few things you learn at a drag show that you cannot learn anywhere else.

1) How to put it all out on the line: Wigs fly, nips slip, heels break, but you know what? That’s not the point. These ladies strut and vogue and break their ass till it can’t break no more. There is an air of confidence in whatever they do that I have not found anywhere else. There is fierceness in one twitch of the eye all the way done to the point of the toe. And I live and die for that one performance that takes your breath away.

2) How to fail in the right way: Lines get forgotten but faces never do. As long as she strikes a pose, no matter the length, the werq is being done. Every move counts and if things don’t work—and sometimes they don’t—who care? She still has the stage, she still has the audience, she still has the music. Just being with hundreds of people that support her is amazing. Time isn’t over until . . . it never stops. The curtain never falls. Because when it falls she’s done.

3) How to walk like a straight man: There is nothing more ridiculous than the girl that does not do. Her shoulders slump, her legs quake, and all of a sudden I feel like I’m watching hundreds of straight men walk around campus (the horror!). My average party trick is failing to walk in the straight way, honey, but it comes and it goes but it is at the drag show. It . . . can werq too. As long as you own it—success, failure, straight, camp, queen, diva. Plus, it allows for some great social commentary and analysis. The show is a show is show is a performance is theory is everything.

4) How to choose the right drag song: It. is. an. art. form. Science? It can’t be too fast because mmhmm legs do not gyrate well in 7-inch platform stilettos. No they don’t. Can’t be too slow, unless it’s meant to, because the vibrato jaw has to be practiced, there is no winging it ( . . . there’s tape for that . . . ). It can’t be too new because girl is not at Necto and she is definitely not country unless it’s Dolly and she can read poetry, she can just pose, she can dance in silence, but. There’s always one song where you wish you could just turn back time.

Drag shows at the U happen infrequently (cough cough @ the Catwalk Extravaganza, only?). This is a place for everyone. Inclusivity is where it’s at. Children, adults, students, teachers, the whole gamut shows up because entertainment happens at a drag show. It is a time and place to be ridiculous and fabulous and not give a care. Plus, there is some great dancing, lip-syncing, and (t)werqing that is not at the clubs nor the classroom nor the diag.

This is my type of cultural event. These are my people. This is it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hArTHxRpKmM

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