My mother is not dying
But as distant brothers and sisters lose their living
I can’t help but imagine her memory slipping
Unable to recount bad days in Burbanay
Singing songs of found peanuts in the rain
How do you reconcile being one in a million
Shouting silently in a sea of the same
Seeing seasons of violence but only shouting one name
“Support us now for when your democracy falls
While we take steps to kill them all”
I have no time for thoughts
Much less time for dreams
Yet when my mind slips to sleep
I keep imagining you
Choking me
Then Shaping your phrases
So we agree
You’re always so calm
I want to see you catastrophic
Some are invited with feelings embedded
Seething listless while lusting for the same
We tangle ourselves to help us quell
The fleshless emptiness of our bodies
Stirring endlessly in vain to find something
Something that will mask the pain
I wonder how many mantras I’ll chant
Before my brain is heeled and you’re gone
I want to sit and contemplate the significance behind a movie
Watch for detail and picture design
Why they chose red hues and blue lights
Over white
I want to feel his touch caressing my back
Lips on mine
I want to play games
Get 5 in a row
Reach 2048
Stack towers run through temples break rocks
Walk my dog
Look at the sunset
Travel the world
Contemplate what has been
It’s easier
Than talking
Than listening
Than learning
It’s so much easier
I will write a poem without pain
Despite crying disdain for inflicting it’s stain
Or feeling its sting while afflicted by shame
Day by day seeping into a daze
My suffering is minimal in many ways
If one is worse I should be able
To lift myself from this haze
I will write a poem without pain
Dancing lazily in the game
For I am not living this life in vain
How I loathe thee let me count the ways
Making me twist and turn manipulated and phased
Silence, I’ll reward myself
Stillness will provide some help
Insulated with useless conniption
Constantly contracting to your systems
One of these days I will conform
Say goodbye to dreaming willingly condemning
Myself and my health to shame
Wishing potently and lost
So much that I forget my name
