From Beginnings to Endings: My Last Post

A golden retriever puppy on a boat wears a white Michigan Wolverines hat and licks the top of a bottle of Corona.
Photo from http://theberry.com/2015/08/09/sunday-brunch-51-photos-15/

My time as a student at the University of Michigan is about to come to an end, and as such; this will be my last post ever with arts, ink. For my last post, I’d like to write about how it all began. I’d like to write about how I got from a nervous-excited senior in high school to an equally nervous-excited senior in college.

I can’t remember if I received my acceptance to the University of Michigan a few days after most of my friends, or just a few hours, but I remember all of my friends being overjoyed about their recent acceptances while I was afraid I hadn’t gotten in. I’d like to say I was afraid because I really wanted to go to school here, but that would be a lie. I didn’t know where I wanted to go to school; I just knew I wanted good options.

When I did finally receive my acceptance, I did what any other social media savvy kid in 2011 would do, I wrote a Facebook status.

Screen shot of a Facebook status reading "Finally got my email! Accepted to UMich" with 60 likes and 28 comments.

Would you take a look at that? I didn’t even use proper punctuation. It wasn’t even my most liked status ever. People were happy for me, and I was happy for myself, but it wasn’t like I’d said I was going to Michigan. All I’d done so far was get in.

Then came the tough decision. I applied to four schools and had luckily been accepted to all of them. I had the options that I so craved, but now I had to actually figure out which school I wanted to go to, and while some might say I’m not great at making decisions now, I was even worse four years ago. My parents had very strong feelings about eliminating two schools from the running, so they were quickly crossed off my list. That left me with two schools, and one of them was the University of Michigan.

Most of my friends had gone to visit and tour the schools they were looking at, but I didn’t do that. I had no idea why I liked or didn’t like either school left on my list. I had people telling me their opinions left and right, and none of them were very partial. I became stressed, and the week before my decision was due I began fainting from my anxiety about having to make a decision, which only added to my stress.

My brother tried to make life easier on me, so two days before my decision was due he took me to his alma mater, the other school on my list, and showed me around. I loved the campus. It was big and green and beautiful. There was a living-learning community that I had been accepted to that I liked very much, and it really seemed like the perfect place for me. However, many of my other family members had a different opinion. They had all gone to Michigan, and they believed, in order for me to make an educated decision, or in their opinion, the right decision, I should see both campuses. So, the next morning, the day before my decision was due, my mom took me to Ann Arbor to see Michigan. Her tour was a little briefer. We walked around campus, but my mom isn’t the best at directions, so we didn’t go far. I thought the town seemed nice, but it didn’t really feel as much like me, and I couldn’t really get an idea of what to expect since my mom’s experience would be very different from my own.

That day, I don’t remember why, my sister was having a party. My whole family was there, so after returning from Ann Arbor we went straight to my sister’s house. Everyone knew my decision was due, so one by one they each asked me what I’d decided. I got sick of the questioning, and I still didn’t have an answer, so I went outside and asked my mom what to do. I felt pressure to go to both schools, and I didn’t know what to do. My mom told me to try telling everyone I was going to one school to see how it felt, but I was afraid that idea would backfire terribly. So, I decided to go a different way.

I found a 1994-penny (not even a quarter, I was cheap) and flipped it, heads for Michigan, tails for the other school. I had hoped I’d know where I truly wanted to go as the coin turned in the air, but instead I found myself just as undecided, but happier that I’d finally have a decision. The coin landed on heads and I told my entire family all at once that I would be a Wolverine. They cheered loudly, hugged me tight, and broke into a round of “Hail to the Victors”. Somewhere between the first and second verse, I couldn’t take it anymore. I left the house crying and didn’t stop crying until the next morning.

Of course, I calmed down. I joined the Residential College. I attended orientation and wore my MCard around my neck the whole time. I began to like the fact that I was going to the University of Michigan. I wasn’t one of those people who fell in love with the school right away; it took me a little bit of time. But soon, I began to embrace the maize in blue. With each passing day, I became more and more proud of my school. Now that I’m leaving, I’m so glad that penny landed on heads. If I didn’t come to Michigan, I would be an entirely different person. Sure, that person could’ve been cool, too, but that person isn’t me. That person wouldn’t have made the same friends, taken the same classes, gone to the same football games. That person wouldn’t have made awkward Matrix-like motions to avoid walking on the M on a busy day. That person wouldn’t have gone to the same parties or the same restaurants or the same bookstores.

So, thank you Michigan. As bittersweet as these last few days before graduation are, I’m glad to have been able to call you my home for the last four years. It might have been a rocky start, but we made it in the end, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And don’t worry, wherever I go, I’ll always go blue. Hail!

University of Michigan students waive yellow pom noms into the air at a Michigan vs. Michigan State football game.

Bittersweet

The Magic of Grease Live! Why Representation Matters: Looking at the Korean Wave through the Asian Diaspora. A Success Story in the Making: Buzzfeed and the Era of Clickbait. How The Princess Diaries was my First Feminist Movie. Looking for Authenticity in K-pop and K-Hip-Hop. Is Music Dying – or is it Thriving? Why Children’s Movies Matter.

This is only a smattering of topics, only a few titles to future blog posts left unwritten. They are left unwritten because this is my last post on this wonderful, amazing blog.

When I first submitted my application to arts,ink, I didn’t know what I was getting into. I had emailed my former-boss and now friend, asking about jobs at the office where Arts at Michigan is housed, the Office of New Student Programs. A friend of mine had told me that she had heard that they were hiring people to work at their front desk and answer phones. As someone who did not want to work in a dining hall (and succeeded in avoiding it all three years here), I took the chance and ran with it.

I got an email back saying there were no office positions open, but I could apply to two blogs – arts,ink and arts[seen]. I applied for both, and even preferred arts[seen], because I loved going to see shows and concerts, and I thought that learning to review them would be a good skill to add to my arsenal before I left college. I had low hopes, though, thinking every writer on campus would be applying for this job. Much to my surprise, I got an email a couple of weeks later welcoming me to the team – to the arts family.

I got hired as a columnist arts,ink, and I wondered how I was going write about something every single week for the rest of the year. I had so much writing to do for my classes already, not to mention the reading and other assignments for classes that weren’t English classes.

But now that I’m leaving, I don’t know where the time went, how I didn’t get to talk about these things that are still so important to me. It seems like just yesterday I was freaking out because Michigan Pops shared my post about their concert, or that I could not believe that I had gotten 5 comments on a post about what I thought was a little-known Chinese singer (the comments doubled to ten as I responded to every one of them).

A lot of people asked me throughout my time at Michigan why I never joined any of the other student publications on campus, as there are many. No one really reads these blogs. My friends and family of course read my posts, but even then, I know they don’t read religiously. When I send them links, they read, and they tell me how much they liked it, but besides that, Arts doesn’t get the readership that other places get. So why didn’t I join any other publications, you ask?

Because none of them felt like home like arts did. Arts encouraged freedom, encouraged discipline, encouraged creativity. I didn’t have to follow a weekly prompt or format. My task was simply to talk about art, in any way possible. And it’s in this freedom that I found my home.

I feel so incredibly blessed that I got to spend three years here. Writing, editing, reading other posts – I’ve loved every minute of it. It’s definitely been a challenge, trying to stay constantly creative while in a college environment that, at times, discourages creativity. And trying to keep up with posting every week while also trying to juggle school and clubs and friendships and families was never easy, especially this year, as a senior preparing to graduate.

But it was all worth it. I’ve become a better writer, a better reader, a better thinker – I’m constantly thinking and analyzing my surroundings, what I see in the media, what others tell me about their experiences.

Maybe there’s been some topics that have been left unexplored. But that’s okay. Because arts,ink will keep going, inducting new writers next year, freshman arriving on campus with wide eyes and ready pens, seniors looking to put their stamp on the arts community before they end their time at Michigan.

So this blog is dedicated to you, future writers at arts,ink. We may be the underdogs, but you have just found a community that will always support you, never limit you, always push you to write more, to constantly engage in the thriving arts community on campus. It may be time for me to leave, but it’s your time to shine.

Goodbyes, Friendships, and Closure

For my final blog post of the year, I wasn’t sure what to write about. Girls aired an amazing two-part finale to a great fifth season last night, so I could write about that, a sort of check-in since my last post about it. I could write about the finales of Better Call Saul or Shameless, or the second Story Slam I went to, or any other arts-related thing I’ve been to on campus.

But I most want to write about goodbyes, and friendship, and closure, and the high school I went to that’s closing in 2019.

A lot of my friends and former teachers have posted things about what Harrison High School meant to them and why they’re so sad about it, and at first, it seemed a little odd to me. Justified, maybe, but there are three more years before the school will actually close—it seems weird to be reading things like “I’ll miss you, Harrison,” like it’s already all over. There are a few more years! We’ll still be able to visit! It’s not closing tomorrow!

But, of course, one of the things that sucks about endings like this is that you have to create your own ending. Maybe there will be some day down the line, in 2019, when there’ll be a Harrison closing party, and everyone will come back to Farmington and catch up and reminisce and be sad together. But we can’t wait for three years to start the grieving process. Everything is set in stone now.

It’s easy to argue for why Harrison shouldn’t be closed, or to name the specific qualities that make it great. Aside from the football team and the IB program, there’s a diversity at Harrison that just doesn’t exist at other schools in the area. Really, though, I’m not one of the most qualified people to argue for why Harrison—the building, the school—is objectively a great school. All I can tell you is what my very subjective, personal perspective is, having been a student there at four years.

High school is kind of where I became a person—at least, the person I am now. Sometime around 2012, I kind of hit on something and started liking myself more than I was used to. Before that, I’d considered myself a pessimist. Seeing the world as full of douchebags and evil people somehow seemed hip and fun to me, and being a consistent user of sarcasm, I thought I was supposed to self-identify as a pessimist. Then I kind of realized being happy and being sarcastic weren’t mutually exclusive, and I started looking at everything more positively, and I stopped worrying about at least a handful of my insecurities, and I started accepting sometimes that what would happen would happen, and I went into my senior year at my peak.

I still sometimes think of my senior year of high school as my peak, even after three pretty good years of college. There was just something so beautiful about senior year, about facing the gaping hole of the future and not knowing exactly what it would be like but being excited for it. There was something so bittersweet, so oddly beautiful in its somberness, about hanging out with my friends and having fun but knowing that it was almost over. I had more friends than I ever had, and I was more confident than ever. I genuinely liked spending time with myself.

Remembering my senior year of high school reminds me that as much as college has helped me become a smarter, more open-minded person, it’s not where my personality was formed. College may have given me new experiences and pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I’m really happy with how it’s gone, but high school is where I had the most years of actual change.

And it’s hard to think of a life before high school. There were 14 years of my life before, and I have a ton of memories from then, but somehow I’m unable to conceive of myself as a real person with real experiences before then. Facing the void at the end of 12th grade wasn’t terrifying just because of college; it was terrifying because it felt like I was leaving my own life entirely.

So when I think about Harrison closing, that’s what I’m most sad about. The place where I became a person who I actually liked is not going to exist. And no matter how happy I am now, no matter how grateful I am that I got to experience Harrison while it was still there, the fact that it’s closing kind of sucks.

***

There’s a curious thing that happens when some sort of end is approaching: everything leading up to the end seems to happen specifically to provide you with a sense of closure. Conceiving of an ending as a sort of real-life TV season finale has been written about ad nauseam, by myself, by my fabulous friend Chloe Gilke, and by anyone who consumes much too pop culture. It’s a classic case of life seeming to imitate art.

I’m at the end of my junior year of college, which makes next year my last year. That’s really terrifying, and I kind of hate talking or thinking about it for a variety of reasons. For one, I still kind of feel like I’m 17 years old, completely dependent on adults who know more than me and unable to live on my own or do my taxes or think seriously about a career. Another weirdly big thing: I’ve made a bunch of new friends at The Michigan Daily who are all freshmen and sophomores, so it’s deeply sad to me that they’ll have at least one or two more years there without me. It’s like I’m facing a two-year case of FOMO between the time when I’m done at the Daily and the time when most of my friends are.

But, for now, the end of the school year isn’t a culmination of my whole college experience; it’s more just a culmination of the year I’m finishing. And several of my interactions with people have already seemed perfectly fitting with a season finale-esque ending. There’s been one big, cathartic drunken sharing of previously unspoken feelings. One pleasant agreement that a friend and I wanted to rekindle our dormant friendship next year. One final fiction reading my friend gave, which showed me how far she’d come since we first met in our creative writing class two years ago, and which somehow seemed a fitting last time to see her before she moves to Chicago.

Today I hung out with a bunch of Daily friends and luxuriated in the warm temperatures. At around 7:00, it was perfect out; the sun was beginning to set as a casual concert happened on the diag. It was my friend Melina’s last night in Ann Arbor until the fall, but my friend Karen is graduating and leaving in a week, so Melina and Karen had an emotional goodbye.

I got into a conversation with Karen about how, for all we knew, once all of us eventually left school, many of us would never see each other again in our lives. Sure, we’d all love to see each other again down the road, but many of us aren’t from Michigan to begin with, so we wouldn’t have much motivation to fly back. And life and jobs and relationships all get in the way of casual reunions.

I’m personally not that concerned about it because being mostly English, film, and communications majors, my friends at the Daily are mostly heading into similar fields. I know we’ll end up running into one another at weird times in the future, and maybe contacting each other to network and get new job opportunities. Many of us will probably end up in New York City or Los Angeles.

I talked to my friend Julie about all this, and she brought up high school. She said something that I’ve heard from a lot of my friends: leaving high school made them realize how little they really cared about keeping most high school friends in their lives.

I can understand that. I’ve experienced it a little. I think back to some of my friends I considered great friends in high school and feel no serious need to reconnect with them now. I mean, like, it’d be nice if I ran into them, but I only really think about many of them once in a while, if I’m in a particularly nostalgic mood. Most of the time, I’m focused on the people who are still in my life.

But the real reason I’m comfortable with where I am right now with most of my high school friends isn’t that I don’t really miss them. I do miss them! Even the ones I don’t actively think about I wish I could see again. Sometimes I fantasize about high school reunions when we’ll all reunite and reminisce.

It’s amazing to think about the fact that when college first started, I had a schedule to contact high school friends, some sort of systematic way of keeping up with them. I assigned people to different groups based on how often I ‘had to’ talk to them. Of course, it inevitably failed, and I don’t know how I thought it could actually succeed. But my happy surprise is that it’s unnecessary to talk to someone every single day or every week or every month or even every year to still feel love and closeness with them. It can wait.

When I hung out with my high school friend Allison last winter break, I wasn’t sure when I’d see her next. When she dropped me back off at home, I could’ve said, “Okay, I’ll see you over spring break, maybe?” or “Are you ever planning on visiting Ann Arbor?” or “Maybe I’ll see you in the summer, if our schedules overlap.” But I didn’t say any of those things, because I understood that none of that was necessary. I just said, “I’ll see you when I see you.”

So yeah, I’ll miss Harrison High School. Yeah, I’ll miss Karen when she leaves, and my creative writing friend Holly, and Chloe. And a year from now, when I graduate from college, when I do say goodbye to all of these great people in my life, it’ll inevitably be sad, because it’ll mean seeing them a lot less often than I did before.

But I also know it’s not over. It never really is.

Podcasts: The New Fireside Chats

The 1940’s was a Golden Era for radio: from FDR’s fireside chats to Ralphie and Randy listening to Little Orphan Annie and the Lone Ranger in A Christmas Story. It was a new way of storytelling, a new way of communicating news. Instead of the communal fire of our ancestors, the radio became the centerpiece. Children were presented a story aurally and had to create mental motion pictures. Like an American Sign Language interpreter, your brain is always lagging one sentence behind of your ears; therefore proving that listening and comprehending stories rather than seeing them (in film) makes better brains.

In the past one or two years, we have entered into a new Golden Era for radio. We’ve entered the Podcast Zone.

Podcasts are pre-recorded audio files that can be downloaded at any time and in any order. They typically are released serially, like the old-fashioned radio shows used to be. Think of podcasts as Netflix for your ears, except that they require more imagination. Podcasts really are portable – the most “low-tech as high-tech gets,” says Lance Ulanoff of Mashable. All you need is your phone and earbuds. No wi-fi necessary. Completely hands-free. Just press play and enter a new world through your ears.

A particularly fruitful app for podcast exploration is Podbay, which can be downloaded on both Apple and Android products. It’s easy for just about anyone with any particular interest to find a podcast that suits them. Health, books, psychology, politics, comedy, spirituality – you name the subject and I promise there will be a podcast out there for you.

What am I listening to right now? (Except for Cabin Pressure, all available via Podbay).

  1. Ask Me Another – Everything you ever wanted from an NPR trivia game show. Quick: name a famous jazz artist whose first name rhymes with ‘precipitation’ and sing about the origins of Subway to the tune of Blink 1-82’s “All the Small Things.”
  2. Serial – The groundbreaker series for podcasts. Loved the first season.
  3. Welcome to Night Vale – A twice-monthly radio show in the style of community updates for a small desert fictional town called Night Vale. Features include a weather report, news, announcements from the Sheriff’s Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events.
  4. The Dead Authors Podcast – In support of 826LA, this podcast is hosted by H.G. Wells who has rigged his time-traveling machine to transport dead authors and poets to the 21st century and what follows is an hour long conversation about their lives, their writings, their loves, and their sometimes (mostly) strange idiosyncrasies.
  5. Invisibilia – For psychology nerds out there, this ones for you! Explore the “invisible things” of our world, like why we have thoughts, emotions, dreams, and beliefs.
  6. Cabin Pressure – Want to hear Benedict Cumberbatch before he was famous? This comedic BBC radio show (which is sadly no longer produced) takes place on a fictional airplane and drama ensues between the oddball crew.

Tune in next time for my last Arts Ink blog ever!

P.S. I’d love to find out which podcasts you’re all listening to! Over and out …

Natural Resolution

This website has been my sounding board for the past three years, a place where I have thrown my thoughts and ideas into the deathly silent abyss of the internet. Many of my posts have been inconsequential – although I have been paid to write for the past few years I by no means consider myself a writer – but every so often I stumbled into a post that meant something. The posts which people commented on, that prompted peers and professors to stop me before class and revealed that my private abyss was much more visible than it ever felt.

Looking through my old posts there are clear trends beyond my obvious affinity for opera. Fear of failure, pride in my unlikely duality and a refusal to be defined by external forces subtly accented my posts just as they lingered in my daily thoughts and actions. These undercurrents, the parts of me that are not pretty or glamorous or perfect, were revealed, unpacked and resolved here in a quiet corner of the internet. While not every post provided some deep insight into art, music or life, I strived above all things to be honest

Now my time as a student is coming to a close and with that I will lose the privilege of being an Arts Ink blogger. It is odd approaching graduation; I am neither excited or scared by the concept of receiving my diploma, or phased by the notion that so much will change in less than two weeks. Rather, I feel and I am ready. I have accomplished all that I can here and it is time to move on to the next adventure. Just as my time with UMGASS or Ann Arbor Civic Theater naturally resolved and pushed me on to my next feat, it is time to post my last few thoughts and allow a new student the same privilege that Arts at Michigan afforded me for so long.

If there is one message which I can impress upon you it is this: be honest in your life and in your art. Art created for the sake of beauty alone is meaningless. I do not care, and will not remember if every note is perfect, each line of a drawing unerring or if every word flows out uninterrupted. I will forget and be unaffected, because perfection is not real and not relevant to me or my life. Yet, show me something true and honest, dirty, broken and hidden and I will see myself. I will see my life reflected in your vulnerability and be swayed by the influence of your art. I can only hope that every now and then I accomplished this here, and will continue to strive for these lofty goals whatever the next adventure.

Current Influential Albums

When music comes out, no one is really sure if it will stand the test of time or become influential to future artists. When the Beatles first started, there were just another pop band. Same thing with Justin Timberlake or Bruno Mars, nobody actually thought they would have a significant impact on the music industry, but they clearly have. Keeping with this same idea, I have a list of three albums that I believe have and will have significant impacts in the music industry

  1. Lorde’s Pure Heroine

This album came out during an interesting time of music. We were still recovering from the self-congratulatory pop of the 2000’s and newer artists were beginning again to create more serious and personal music. All of the sudden a 16 year old from New Zealand came out with Royals. This song was a response and criticism of the shallow music that was prevalent at the time. I believe this song paved the way for artists’ more serious music to be released by the recording companies. The extreme popularity of the song forced executives to recognize the fact that  music listeners were craving something more than pretty ladies, parties, and shallow love.

2. Sia’s 1000 Forms of Fear

Nobody expected Sia to come back with as much force as she did. She only had minor hits before her hiatus and she seemed content to never produce her own music again. But then Chandelier came out and became a huge success. People connected with the deeply tragic lyrics, but the music made it possible to listen to it without the sadness overwhelming the song. Similar to Pure Heroine1000 Forms of Fear takes pop music and makes it a personal affair. She takes the style of pop, but makes it work with her personal story. The album is a collection of songs that were too personal for Sia to share with another artist and it shines through. I believe this will be a model that other artists will follow where the songs are deeply personal to them. I would not be surprised if Gwen Stefani said that 1000 Forms of Fear was an inspiration for her new album, one that is also a collection of songs about difficulties in her life.

3. Taylor Swift’s 1989

Whether you like her music or not, you cannot deny that Taylor Swift is extremely successful.  She makes pop songs that are accessible, but still contain clever lyrics with significant messages. Her wordplay in some of her songs is really unparalleled when compared to other artists releasing music right now. A lot of people like to disregard her because of her bubblegum pop aesthetic, but she’s really someone that lyricists should be looking up to. Clealr yshe is already a huge influence as one of the most recognizable celebrities in America, but I believe this album will have lasting affects on the music industry. It’s no longer acceptable in pop to hide poor lyrics behind a lazy ear-worm beat. I hope that this album will cause a significant impact in the writing of pop songs in the future.

These three are obviously not the only albums that will have a significant impact on the music industry, these are just the ones that I have the most background with. Some other artsist include the more obvious big names that will have an impact no matter what type of music they release, like Beyonce or Nicki Minaj. Then there are the ones that haven’t broken out to the public yet that would probably have huge impacts if they could, like Melanie Martinez, Misterwives, or Janelle Monae.