Free
The path is gilded,
The way is lit.
To find your worth,
you must commit.
To a lifetime of stupor
dazed delusions.
An eternity of
choosing money over merry.
Join the race.
Join the rats.
With full bellies,
buying this or that.
Perhaps in the end
you’ll smile with glee.
Or maybe you’ll crave
wings to be free.
The Crane
Climbing the crane
peeling pupils up and up
facing the clouds to touch
to hold
in my hands
like pillows resting
on my palms
a stillness in my chest
brings meaning to the air
I breathe because I want to feel
like any of this matters
“I’m asking you, Mary, please,”
Ever since I was 17 years old and a junior in high school, Exile in Guyville by Liz Phair has been my favorite album. At the time, it spoke to my feelings of being stuck and misunderstood. Today, the album holds a very special place in my memory, but it also remains relevant to my life and transition to adulthood. Exile in Guyville was released in 1993, so this year (2023) marks its 30th anniversary. Last Sunday, I had the privilege of attending Liz Phair’s concert in Detroit where she played the entire album from front to back.
“Temper my hatred with peace.”
I went to the show with one of my best friends, and I met many other kind and thoughtful fans while waiting for the show to begin. Hearing the entire album live was a dream come true, and being so close to an artist who helped inspire me to get better at guitar and write and create my own music was surreal. I smiled, sang, cried, and danced, and it was a night and feeling I will never forget. I was even given one of Liz Phair’s guitar picks after the show!
“Weave my disgust into fame,”
During the concert, in addition to the awe I was experiencing, I reflected on how far I’ve come since I first listened to Exile in Guyville at age 17. In the five years since then, I have become more confident and independent, but perhaps most importantly, I am a lot happier now. I couldn’t help but feel proud and happy for myself – combined with the music, it made me emotional in the best way possible. I am grateful for the self-improvement and growth that I have experienced, and I am thrilled that I was able to have such a special opportunity to prompt this reflection. Thank you Liz Phair for your music and for giving me a way to process and understand my emotions at a time when I felt confused and overwhelmed, and thank you for a wonderful show. Exile in Guyville will remain an important part of me for the rest of my life!
“And watch how fast they run to the flame.”
Listen to Help Me Mary by Liz Phair here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHRvYsXvS8M
The orange-tinted western sky patterned with wisps of clouds
The fronts of rushing cars and trucks in the streets below
The windows of brick and steel buildings that I walk past
The waxing white moon above that can’t be captured by camera
The lamps that glimmer and shine in the dark and overtake my eyes
The intermittent yellow blinks of fireflies I hold in my palm
The strings of electrical white that illuminate a Toronto tapestry
The neon blue and melting wax of the lamp I brought with me
The monitor screen I write this on in the comforts of my room
All of them lighten my burden with their glow
You tell me in too little words that our time is limited
Your eyes staring straight ahead while stroking my arm
To what end will I time out
Till you lose me while talking about the now
In limited dim lit doom who am I to assume
That you would want to whether waning weather with me
Am I so semi permanent
Is it so easy to slip away
Still I find myself slipping to sleep
Slumped against some warmth
Waiting while wanting
Wilting when knowing
