Kita’s Outfit

So Kita’s outfit is mostly finished. I wanted to give her a tourist/traveler vibe. Her color scheme used to be red and orange but that made her look like a fast-food mascot. But then I learned that bees are attracted to the colors of purple, violet, and blue and I like this color scheme much better.

Evolving Emotions: Never Quite Right

A strange place

The table isn’t quite situated

On the once whole tiling

Proper is the word

 

The smell that once greeted me

Feels out of place

Inside my lungs, it is a stranger

 

What has become of

The inhabitants

Which I thought I knew?

 

Nothing could’ve prepared

My mind, my body

For this upheaval 

 

Guttural

Inconceivable

Quaking

 

In the now fractured life

I stubbornly live

My arms crave a rope

My feet, solid ground 

Unsatisfied is the word

 

This bizarre, unsatisfying abode

Which I once called home

Is now alien

With a peculiar look

And paint laced with difference 

 

Will things return

To the gaps in my head?

 

Will I find peace

And solace in the disruption?

 

Nothing will take its original form

The form has shifted

The feeling has shifted 

 

My perception has crossed

Into a foreign land

 

Unbeknownst to me

This is only the beginning 

 

TOLAROIDS: In the sky

For all of those who are flying home for the break, but not only! I also discovered I have so many sunset photos that I will make it a separate post. For now though enjoy some of my favorite skies from the past few years 🙂 (some of them you already know but they just fit the category way too well)

 

I wish you all safe travels and happy holidays! You know where to find me: @akilian.jpg / akilian@umich.edu

– Tola

Scribble #10: Hand in My Pocket

“I’m sane, but I’m overwhelmed.”

I don’t like to dwell on the past, but this week has been one full of reflection for me. I’ve finally turned in the last of my final papers and taken the last of my exams for this rollercoaster of a semester, so there’s far less to occupy my brain than usual. Even though these past few months have had their fair share of good times and bad, I look back on my third semester of college and feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and gratitude.

“I’m lost, but I’m hopeful, baby.”

When I was rejected from what I thought was my dream school two years and one day ago, I didn’t know what my future was going to look like. Turns out, like Alanis Morissette says in her song Hand in My Pocket, “everything is just fine, fine, fine,” – I would argue that it’s even better than fine! That being said, it’s been stranger than I could have ever imagined. With the pandemic severely disrupting the end of my senior year of high school and transition into college, far more happened than I could have ever anticipated. However, even during the pandemic, I have never once regretted my choice to attend the University of Michigan, and that rejection letter that I got a little over two years ago turned out to be one of the best letters I have ever received in my life.

“And what it all comes down to”

I’m learning like I never have before, I’m meeting all kinds of fantastic new people, I’m figuring out who I am at a pace unlike any I’ve ever experienced, and I’m making friends for life. Michigan students aren’t lying when we chant “It’s great to be a Michigan Wolverine!” at the top of our lungs every chance we get. Although it’s been a stressful semester full of highs and lows, the good parts overshadow the bad.

“Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine.”

I am so overjoyed to have the privilege of attending the University of Michigan, and I am fortunate to be having such a life-changing experience here. While I’m looking forward to a much-needed break, I am looking forward to getting back to school in Ann Arbor even more.

Listen to Hand in My Pocket here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3OPJvjnJa0

Nagosta Vo

 

I’m redesigning a character again! This time I’ve renamed her Nagosta Vo and am actually trying to design all her looks within the span of my series. I’m trying to more accurately capture her air-vent crawling-bad-attitude self more accurately. And that starts with a more practical outfit.

Evolving Emotions: Counterfeit Consciousness

Smiling faces inundate my view

Their cheer attempts to breach my brain

Hammering away at the worry

The fears

The anxiety

To no avail

 

Laughter fills the air

These lungs of mine force

The artificial happiness sweeps from my breath

Choking on insincerity

 

The sight of fresh and falling snow

Brings enthusiasm to the limbs

Mine mimic

In an awkward sort of way

 

Inside a bubble

Apart from others

Left with the thoughts

That consume me

Waking and sleeping

Smiling and laughing

 

I’m crying now

Real

Raw

Instinctual

 

Yet the worries never cease

The jerking movements

The false air

The smeared smile

 

Faking in the pursuit

Of realness

Indeed.