black girl diaries (1): measure of success

push your cries down here,
and hold yourself to the promise you made.
you were born to be great, and you must die great.
your fortune is no mistake,
and it is not your fortune alone.

there is no way to go back now
unless you want to prove everything anyone ever said to you.
are you worthy?
do you belong here?
will you ever?
people who are not like you may
never have to question this.
people who are not like you may
never have to face this.

there is no real way to succeed, but
there is surely a way to fail.
you can see it so clearly in front of you, the
height of your anxieties
seeping in and
making you lesser.

when you be more than what you acheive?
have you even been allowed to be more than that?
will you ever be more than that?

i dream of a future where i am nothing more than a person
with a house and a cat.
a future where my job means nothing to others
and everything to me.
a future where i am no longer nervous about construction.
where i do not feel lonely in crowds or anxious in circles.

when will i start measuring up to this.

will i ever stop measuring.

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