My stomach is empty

But I can’t eat

I’m sitting on a couch 

The same couch where one message from you once caused my hands to shake has me shaking again

The same couch where I finished my musical

Where I kissed a mistake 

Wrote emails and gossiped and found crumbs 

My stomach is empty 

But I can’t eat 

“Once I’m done with people they’re gone” 

You’re gone but your name has never come up more

I’m thinking of you hoping to rewrite your name into acceptance 

Or suppressing every thought to forget your presence 

Maybe if I get rid of all your stuff I’ll feel full 

if I go to Blue Llama if I go to Pinball Pete’s maybe I’ll be comfortable in chaos 

My stomach is empty but I cannot eat 

I can’t watch anything I’ve never seen 

I cry when I can’t ge a refund for a cake at coldstone

I sleep with my back aching under LED lights at christmas time

…

When the pit passes 

I find a few moments where I’m freed

My stomach is empty and I see through the haze

I finally eat 

Before one message sets me off again