Author: Sydney Braun

“Go, go, go, go, now, out of the nest it’s time…”

In less than a week, I leave for my semester in Berlin, Germany. Studying abroad in Berlin is something I’ve dreamed about for years (I even cried tears of joy when I got my acceptance letter), but now, as my departure date gets closer and closer, I can’t help but wonder how I’m actually going to be able to do this.

“Here, here, now, don’t cry, you raised your hand for the assignment…”

Intellectually, I know that I will be able to “do this.” I know that I’ll have a life changing experience and broaden my perspective of the world, and I know that I will forever appreciate taking advantage of this opportunity to study abroad. It’s like how I felt when I first arrived at Michigan, but instead of an eight hour drive, it’s two flights that take a bit more time than that. Instead of a roommate, I’ll be living with a host family. Instead of walking through campus, I’ll be navigating public transportation to get to my classes. The possibilities and opportunities will be endless, but the closer my flight comes, the more I seem to be focused on the stressful unknowns as opposed to the exciting ones.

“First my left foot, then my right behind the other…”

But, like my first semester at Michigan, once I am there, finding my way will be natural – I won’t have a choice. I have already made a bucket list of some of the things I want to do while abroad, and I’m sure plenty more things will be added. I am looking forward to meeting my host family, professors, classmates, and new friends. I’m thrilled to be able to walk the same streets that some of my favorite artists walked on 40 years prior and explore a city I’ve wanted to visit for years. As anxious as I may be at this moment, I believe that will soon subside once I arrive in Berlin. For all the anxiety I may feel right now, I know deep down that for every piece of me that is anxious, I am several times more hopeful and excited for my semester abroad.

“Mother the car is here, somebody leave the light on… just in case I like the dancing,”

I’ll be pausing my Song Scribbles blogs while abroad, but if you’d like to continue supporting my writing (and keep up with my adventures in Berlin), feel free to check out my new blog: https://www.iesabroad.org/correspondents/sydney-braun. I look forward to creating more Song Scribbles blogs in the future, but for now, Auf Wiedersehen!

“I can remember where I come from.”

Listen to Mother by Tori Amos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uaA23WOytc

“I want a bit part in your life,”

Tonight is my last night in Ann Arbor for the 2022-2023 school year, and I spent it packing my things with the company of one of my best friends. While I’m excited and thrilled to be spending next semester studying abroad in Berlin, goodbyes are hard. When I first got to Ann Arbor in fall 2020, I didn’t know anyone here. Regardless, the hopefulness and possibility of being in a new city excited me. Two and a half years later, even though I’m an out-of-state student, Ann Arbor feels like home.

“A walk-on would be fine.”

It isn’t home because of the routines I find myself falling into. It isn’t home because I walk a familiar route to class every day. It isn’t home because I know the surrounding areas and street names and have memorized my Ann Arbor zip code. It isn’t home because I’ve spent the majority of my past few years here. It’s home because of the community I’ve created and the amazing friends who surround me.

“I just want a bit part in your life, rehearsing all the time.”

I’ll see most of them once I return to Ann Arbor for the 2023-2024 school year, but for my friends graduating this year, goodbyes have been even harder. I’ve wanted to go to Berlin for years, and the fact that my friends support me in this journey means the world to me. Now that the time has come for me to say goodbye, I can’t help but reflect on how grateful I am for my community of friends here – for this small community that knows me better in many ways than anyone else does. I’m so lucky to have so many wonderful, positive people in my life and to be so close with them that they make me feel at home.

“I just want a bit part in your life.”

My room is finally packed up, and I’m writing this before I get a good night’s sleep in anticipation of my long drive home tomorrow. While I’ll miss my home in Ann Arbor, I look forward to creating a new one in Berlin. While of course I plan on hearing about everything I miss within my Ann Arbor community and updating them about my adventures in Berlin, I look forward to us being able to share everything in person come Fall 2023.

“Little more than a cameo, nothing traumatic when I go.”

Listen to Bit Part by The Lemonheads here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca6N9FN-rbQ

“The fire you like so much in me”

I’m writing this after my last class of the Fall 2022 semester. While reflecting on the semester today, I had a thought: I don’t have any tattoos, but the words “Strange Loop” are what I would choose to get if I were to get one — and I’ve been considering this one for over four years.

“Is the mark of someone adamantly free.”

For me, this song encapsulates a feeling and understanding that I can hardly describe, let alone fully articulate in one of my brief Song Scribbles blogs – but that’s what’s so amazing about music, right? 

“But you can’t stop yourself from wanting worse,”

For me, “Strange Loop” means that even though things might be going smoothly for me in the current moment, eventually there will be a time full of more stress and anxiety. On the flip-side, though, while things may be overwhelming in a moment, they will turn for the better in due time. 

“’Cause nothing feeds a hunger like a thirst.”

This semester itself has been a “Strange Loop”  for me — full of highs and lows, hopeful moments as well as anxious ones. I must always remember that nothing is permanent – the good isn’t permanent, but the beauty in that is that the bad isn’t permanent, either. We just need to be patient and strong enough to wait until the tides turn. 

“Baby, I’m tired of fighting.”

Fall 2022 has been full of learning for me, as much outside of the classroom as inside. I’ve spent the past four months learning about the world and how to navigate it as well as learning about myself, and I’m so proud of myself for making it through as bravely as I did. 

“I always wanted you…”

There will be good times in the future and there will be bad times. There will be challenges, and there will be smooth sailing. The only guarantee is that things change, and I know that my positive attitude, as well as help from my loved ones, will get me through whatever this life throws at me.

“I only wanted more than I knew.”

Listen to Strange Loop by Liz Phair here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eYsEvAkZbc

“Well, I could call out when the going gets tough.”

This blog is a little different than my usual material, but to me, it’s an exciting change: this post is an ode to music, specifically live music. After spending a weeknight in Hamtramck at a concert for one of my favorite bands, Vision Video, I once again realized just how much of a hold and positive influence that live music has on me. 

“The things that we’ve learnt are no longer enough.”

Although Transmission is a song by Joy Division and not Vision Video, Vision Video played it as one of their final songs of the show (and has included a cover of it on their new record). Being there with my best friend and fellow Joy Division and Vision Video enthusiast added to the experience of hearing a cover of a song we love be played live by a band we adore. Dusty, the lead singer of Vision Video, told the audience that someone once told him to never end live sets with covers. The person who said that clearly did not see the joy that this cover brought to me and my friend – it was one of the first songs we sang and danced to together on a night out over a year ago and it was great to be able to do so again.

“No language, just sound, that’s all we need know.”

After a stressful and overwhelming few weeks, a night spent with my best friend experiencing one of my favorite bands perform live was exactly what I needed. That’s why I started this blog series in the first place: music understands and music heals. Thank you Vision Video for an amazing and revitalizing night! 

“To synchronize love to the beat of the show, and we could dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio.”

Listen to Transmission by Joy Division here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jXyZFOkwjQ

Listen to Vision Video’s cover here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOnL-P1_ctQ

“Du bist immer dann am besten wenns dir eigentlich egal ist.” (“You’re always your best when you don’t really care.”)

Believe it or not, I’ve yet to write a Song Scribbles blog based on one of my favorite bands – but German band Die Ärzte (“the doctors”) finally makes an appearance on today’s blog! I’ve been listening to their song “Lied vom Scheitern” (“Song of Failure”) on repeat these past few weeks, and even though I don’t know much German, I’ve read the translated lyrics countless times and always see myself in them.

“Du bist immer dann am besten wenn du einfach ganz normal bist.” (“You’re always your best when you’re just normal.”)

Being surrounded by so many impressive, busy, talented people at college is so inspiring. Sometimes, though, especially on busy weeks like these, it can also be exhausting. Last week’s blog focused on my feelings of doing “enough.” I can confidently say that I am overwhelmed with the amount of things I am doing, and I know I have a lot on my plate. Why do I sometimes feel guilty about being overwhelmed? Why am I comparing myself to what I see others doing without knowing their story? What is “enough” anyway?

“Du bist immer dann am besten, du musst das nicht austesten nicht noch mal.” (You’re always your best, you don’t have to test it again.”)

I am always my best when I’m doing what I love. I’m always my best when I’m trying my hardest. Even when my best on a given day isn’t my best of all time, I’m still the best I can be in that given scenario, and I’m learning to accept that striving for perfection is simply setting myself up for disappointment. Whether I’m doing “enough” or “my best” doesn’t depend on what I see or hear others doing. What is “my best” is up to me to decide, and I am deciding to show myself compassion and love and understanding, working toward a better me every day. I am doing enough, and I am enough, and I don’t have to test it again. 

“Dein Spiegelbild ist anderen egal.” (“Your reflection in the mirror doesn’t matter to others.”)

Listen to Lied vom Scheitern by Die Ärzte here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQDI-8YfzWQ