Here’s a younger, college-era Simon Kuai. His modern design is the one lounging on top of the image. His milder design and hair show he’s experimenting with fashion but not settling on anything yet. I wanted to get across the idea that he’s a dandy with refined tastes, but also kind of trashy, hence the open chest and puka shell necklace. I imagine those clothes are expensive, and that Simon’s growing his hair out. There’s also another kiss scene!
Welcome to the new semester! While we are buried in snow, let’s have a little throwback to warmer times š
College is like ditching your hometown and rolling into this whole new chapter. It’s not just about hitting the books; it’s about breaking out of the hometown bubble, shaking things up, and getting a taste of real freedom. Whether it’s a different city or maybe even a different country, UMich is where you spread your wings and discover a whole new world. Go blue!
āUnd ich warte zu lang in der Zelleā (āAnd I wait too long in the cellā)
I was trying to find a song in English to use for my blog this week after realizing that many of my recent posts have focused on German songs, but I struggled. I decided that I would simply pick another song in German, because the last thing I want to happen is for my Song Scribbles posts to become ingenuine, and ever since returning from Berlin I have been listening to overwhelmingly German music! This weekās song is “Augen-blick” by German gothic rock band Xmal Deutschland, and it is one of my favorite songs at the moment and has been for about a month.
āEs ist nur ein Moment, ein kurzer Momentā¦.ā (āItās just a moment, a brief momentā¦ā)
Iām writing this and looking out the window at a monochromatic gray sky. The rain has made Ann Arbor less cold than it has been recently, but it also looks ominous and gloomyā¦ and eerily matches how Iāve been feeling today. I have an exam coming up later this week that Iām feeling anxious about, along with some technical difficulties I have been experiencing trying to access a practice exam. I feel like I have a lot looming over me, and with the added technical difficulties, I feel like much is out of my control.
āUnd ich weiĆ tausend HƤnde, tausend Worte,ā (āAnd I know a thousand hands, a thousand words,ā)
The nice thing is that I know in a week this will all be behind me, so I need to hang in there and do the best I can for the time being. In the meantime, the only thing I can do is try to take a deep breath or two and trust that things will be okay. After all, what use is it to worry about something that I canāt control? Itās easier said than done, but worth a try, nonetheless. After all, in the words of Xmal Deutschland, “It’s just a moment, a brief moment.”
āDie nichts halten kƶnnen.ā (āThat canāt hold anything.ā)
While my schedule this week has remained surprisingly packed, Iāve also been able to sleep in and spend quality time with some friends. That being said, Iām looking forward to being done with my exam and having some more me-time next weekā¦ and hopefully some more sunshine!
āDie nichts halten wollen.ā (āThat donāt want to hold anything.ā)
Listen to Augen-blick by Xmal Deutchland here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mx4XdWoPp4
To remind myself of spring
Out of the world feeling like
It is made of a single room
The lights inside and out
Blurred in the growing fog
And the cold reaching out
Hollow roots burrowing into me
There is
A bouquet of wilted amaryllis
Petals I give to myself while
A new bloom emerges from the
Bulb wrapped in wax wrapped in
Pollen coating the windowsill
And with enough homemade rain
Spread across the weeks
Leaves will keep sprouting
Wrapping round the ceramic faces
That cradle their earth
And reaching for glass-guarded sunlight
That always comes back
Do you think work will say anything?
I donāt think so, I work at Banner Health but Iām in the office, I donāt deal with the patients face-to-face. I imagine they are more relaxed with their policy.
Yeah, if youāre representing a medical firm Iād assume they want you to be more, like, neutral, to cater for the diversity.
Fantastic Samās, 1:00PM, 12/12/2023
if diversity asked you to the party, would you have the courage to dance? verna myers would believe. she would seize the moment — you only live once, she might say. and maybe that’s the problem: we split into a fractal, a kaleidoscope of memory, illuminated by the neurons of the strangers we pass everyday. bright, blinking, gone. the moonlight catches the hairs on your cheek. i reach up to brush them away. upon closer examination, it is a scar.
life is short. wear it like a pixie cut, like a quiff, like a bob.
I have this really weird twinge about Instagram about being perfect. Like, on TikTok I donāt care, Iāll post about being silly or something but on Instagram ā
Tiktok feels super casual.
ā Exactly. I could have no makeup and be talking and I wouldnāt care, but if I did that on Instagram, uh oh, thereās like a mental block for me with the aesthetic, and appearing on other peopleās feed, you know?
Denver International Airport, 12:00PM, 1/8/2024
consider a future modern art exhibition. large indium screens are plastered across six-by-eight feet windows. it is a prison, a jail cell, a red-blood among a sea of great-whites. my sense of smell strikes like a lightning bolt. the cloud erupts, quivers, begins to cry. why are you imprisoned? the door is open. all you have to do is fall. pull the plug. short pleasure, long repentance.
Sometimes I feel like Iām stuck in a hotel with a thousand other people that I donāt know.
Yeah, especially like the numbers on the door?
Mosher-Jordan Dining Hall, 6:30PM, 1/11/2024
stop me if you’ve heard this one before: an infinite number of guests walk into a hotel… where do they go? up the stairs, through the halls, n-plus-one steps more. the days blend together. who am i? you look to your right and i stare back at you. we are one and the same. i reach out at the same time as you, like a mirror, except our fingers touch. the shadow of the mind sends reality staggering. the doors slam shut. outside, the sun sets once more. spend another day with me?
