OTM #6: Flashback

Hello again, and happy Wednesday!

The other day, I found myself plagued with doubts about my self-worth as a student. As UMich students, I think it’s unfortunately very natural to compare ourselves and our experiences to others, to worry that we are not “doing enough”. As I sat on my phone and pondered this, I was politely notified of a flashback from 2015. What awaited me was a cringeworthy photo of myself in Gravity Falls cosplay from the eighth grade, made out of my mom’s clothes and duct tape.

She stared me in the face. There was a preserved innocence in her eyes, a definitive adoration of herself I could see behind the gaze. I needed that at the moment; a shameless glance into that unbothered, uninhibited joy that I felt in middle school. As I looked at my twelve year old self, unafraid to be the most cringeworthy version of herself, I felt a swell of love. I saw myself sitting at a table with her, showing her what kind of art I’m making now, what TV shows and video games I love now. I thought of how she would appreciate every word, be proud of my artistic improvement, and even how she might admire how she looked in the future. This detailed image of us together grounded me, brought me back to earth, and I realized that I should be proud of where I currently am. At that moment, I realized I should go easier on myself. That twelve-year old that once was me would really appreciate it.

Scribble #20: Champagne Supernova

“Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide,”

This past weekend was made complete by a visit from my best friend: my mom. It was great to see her and be able to catch up – these past few weeks have been very busy and I haven’t been able to speak much with her. It’s always weird when a family member leaves after visiting me at college, but every time it gets easier and easier to get right back into college life. That doesn’t mean saying goodbye isn’t hard, though.

“In a champagne supernova,”

Singing along to the entire seven minutes and twenty seven seconds of Champagne Supernova by Oasis with my mom while we were driving in the car was a highlight of my weekend. I’m glad we are able to bond over our shared love of similar music. Tonight, I had another singalong with some of my closest friends. I can’t help but remember how all throughout middle and high school I wouldn’t sing in front of anyone. It makes me happy to realize that now (while I am still very aware that I am no professional singer) I am secure enough to sing in front of my friends and family.

“’Cause people believe that they’re gonna get away for the summer.”

It was great to be able to spend quality time with my mom, and a nice way to make my way into finals season. It’s hard to believe that I have less than a month left of my second year of college, but I’m proud of my personal growth and how far I’ve come since late August 2021. It’s going to be an academically exhausting few weeks, but I look forward to the satisfaction that will come with it – and the de-stress singalongs that will happen along the way and into the summer.

“But you and I, we live and die; the world’s still spinnin’ ’round, we don’t know why.”

Listen to Champagne Supernova by Oasis here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V-wUzZvj20 

PONDERING ANN: IV

MORNING SHOWER 

 

I have bent my hand 

into the shape of a

chewed orange slice, or 

a telephone cord curl,

just so that the droplets

of tap water draining

from the showerhead

roll down and appear 

to pool from the very

tips of my fingers. 

 

I am staring for 

too long, and soap 

has started to fall into

my eyes. I’m trying 

to catch the bits of

life we let slip 

through the cracks.

Like in the law quad, 

how symmetrical gothic 

arches are adorned by 

gargoyles

 

jutting their tongues

at each passerby.
Or the child today 

sitting in the greenery,

with her jam stained

hand stolen into one 

pocket of a yellow 

raincoat, the Morton

Salt kind, and making

the same gargoyle

 

face right back! And 

although she did not 

win that tongue-out 

staring contest, she 

gave the stone creatures 

a run for their stone

money. 

This is a miracle.
No shooting stars 

or runaway eyelashes.
This is it! All

this living makes

me think of the 

time my lover and I

walked the banks

of Lake Michigan 

and paused to gaze

at the cold pools below. 

 

Oh, the warmth

as our stretched smiles

filled the air, cackling

at the sight of a lime

green electric scooter

hurled into the depths

below. You could just

make out the shape of

of its handlebars,

the rear wheel, and

we smushed our cheeks 

together like two

rotten apples, laughing 

at this work 

of a mad man, or 

an artist, or an architect 

of human nature. 

Academia Jukebox: Garden Song

Phoebe Bridgers is one of my all time favorite artists. Though her music may be about a specific event or situation, the emotions she sings about are universal. I personally interpret Garden Song, the second track on her most recent album “Punisher”, as the changes in our lives and in ourselves as we grow up. Noticing how much I’ve grown up always comes as a shock to me. I was (and still am) nervous about becoming an adult and all the responsibilities that come with it. But when I take a second to acknowledge my growth, or see myself from an outside perspective, I have to admit I’m making progress. Though other people might not know about the fears you had getting here, recognizing that you’re growing well can put some of your anxiety at about the future at ease. Or at least, it does for me. Definitely listen to Bridgers’ “Punisher” if you haven’t before, it’s a work of art!

Yesterday: Batman – The Long Halloween (1996)

As a long time Batman fan, I was super excited when The Batman finally came out a few weeks ago. So for this week’s post, I wanted to combine one of my favorite Batman comics, The Long Halloween (1996), with the new Batman movie, drawing Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz in place of the comic book versions. I hope you like this rendition, and if you have the time, check out the comic or the movie!

The Original Comic Strip